not all who wander are lost.

Monday, January 21, 2013


Today I played hookie. I was exhausted, in every which way one is capable of being exhausted: physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. My body is beat up, my cheeks hurt from smiling and my eyes hurt from crying. My abdomen is a thousand-different-types of sore from extensive pranayama, applying the bandhas through my practice, and from my new obsession with the powerful and amazing Uddiyana Bandha. I have been GIVING myself to my practice, completely- as well as waking every morning at 4:30am for over an hour of my own personal sadhana before our classes begin. Bogey said it right when he claimed that this training is ripping us open...a full surgery. Your fears, your weaknesses, your ego, your truths...all staring you right in the face, and asking you to deal with it. It's spectaular, but it's also realize that you are truly in charge of your destiny, and that life is as beautiful as you allow (or should I say "decide") it should be. Though I'm surrounded by great people, deep down I'm feeling incredibly vulnerable and very alone. My life from this moment forth will never be the same. I am on a path, and that path is definitely one of self-inquiry and self-help, as I continue to become the best version of myself. Because "good" is not enough. I want great, I want divine, and that's what I'll have. I digress, that is just the tip of the iceberg as far as what's going on in my mind, my heart and my body. Truly grateful each day for my teacher Rory, and my friends Jess and Bogey- because without them I would surely be losing my mind right now. So, today I treated myself to an afternoon off- anatomy never really was my favorite subject anyways....

I had my personal practice this morning where I attempted to apply Uddiyana bandha, while pulsing my Mula bandha, whilst in headstand- attempting to subliminate stagnant energy in my lower chakras. Then I did 3 hours of practice in the Shala with Rory and Safah. After breakfast I scooted out and headed for my favorite local spot. Kadah and Rajeesh had my chai started before I even sat down, knowing my "usual". They complimented me on my beautiful Bindi, and then left me to myself...I think they could sense my sadness/excitement/frustration/bliss. I put on my headphones are for the first time since the training began I listened to music!!! And I read my novel!! I didn't think about yoga or read my manual, or study anatomy. I just *relaxed*, and it was glorious. After my chai's I headed down the beach and set up camp at the Blue Pyramid. I had a swim and a cry in the sea and then soaked up sunshine in Blue Pyramids lounge chairs, and enjoyed some of their healthy (expensive) organic food. I'm heading back the Shala now for our afternoon sessions, but I am feeling rejuvenated after a much needed afternoon off. 

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