Patience.

 

Every class that I teach is a reflection of myself: physically, the practice is guided by my body and how my body is feeling; and spiritually and emotionally, the practice is guided by whats going on in my heart, mind and soul. That may sound a bit narcissistic, but when I teach from a place of authenticity I feel like it's an honest practice that people can relate to. I've taken inspiration lately from two people: Baron Baptiste, and Osho (obviously), and their words have given me strength and encouragement despite the latest bombardment of sadness and frustration.

Baron Baptiste says:

"The irony of personal growth is that when we slow down and fully engage in teh present, we usually get where we really want to go faster. Everything in life has a natural order and rhythm of unfolding that cannot be violated.

Our greatest source of wisdom is what is happening to us right now, where we are. But our rushing and pushing past the present moment cause us to miss out. In our efforts to do more and get where we want to go faster, we forget that we simply cannot rush the process and still expect to be really successful at anything. True growth is not cheap. Emotional maturity and seasoning come through an intimate understanding of the process of life, the love of the journey, and the depth of subtlety that is achieved through a commitment to patience.

On the subject of Patience, Osho says:
"...if you have patience nothing else is needed. Patience means hope, trust, and without any hurry. A patient person is one who is relaxed with existence, who does not push the river; on the contrary, who dissolves into the river and says to the river, "Take me wherever you are going, because wherever you are going is the goal"

One should learn to be patient, to be ready to wait with open doors, with a welcoming heart, but not in a hurry, not demanding, not forcing things. And the miracle, the paradox, is that the less you force things, the more quickly they happen. The more you force them, the longer it takes..."

For me, patience is a challenge, especially on challenging days. Patience is a deep seated trust. In your yoga practice it's trusting in your amazing body, and the beautiful breath - and how when combined they are a strong combination. In your life: relationships, friendships, family, work, play....it's just trusting in the Universe, that everything is happening and unfolding in it's appropriate time, and that you can't rush the process. In the Gita, Krishna stated "Do the work and leave the result to God; that is none of your business." ACTION is your business, and the result is left up to the Universe. We've all heard the statement that "the Universe always gives you what you need" and "the Universe never gives you more than you can handle". Well, fuck me. There are days that feel unbearable, but I'm still here. There are days where I literally feel like someone has crushed my heart into a thousand pieces, but it's still beating. There are days when I feel defeated, on every level, but I'm still smiling. because the Universe never gives you more than you can handle. True growth isn't cheap. Physical, spiritual and emotional growth take time, and a commitment to patience. Growth is painful, and challenging, and confusing....but if we're not growing, we're dying - so I've made my commitment to patience. Sometimes you have to embrace the Zen saying,  "Don't just do something, Sit There!".

Let the river take you, enjoy the ride, don't be afraid to step out of your comfort zone for the sake of growth, and know that only Action is your hands - the rest is up to the Universe.

 

 

Sadness, Happiness and Espresso.

Osho says that in order to enjoy the good, you must also endure the bad- and the one helps you appreciate the other. 

"Experience life in all possible ways --
good-bad, bitter-sweet, dark-light,
summer-winter. Experience all the dualities.Don't be afraid of experience, because the more experience you have, the more mature you become."
― Osho

So despite all of the negative right now, I'm trying to focus on the positive. I am in love with the restaurant, Gia Pronto, that's in the Perelman Cancer Center (currently we are across the street at the hospital, but it's well worth the walk). It has deeeeelicious, decently-priced (considering that we are in a hospital) food. They also have epic coffee. Just when I thought that I knew all there was to know about coffee, I've discovered a new way to enjoy espresso-- the Cortado. I get a double...it's espresso with a bit of steamed milk and a *touch* of froth. It hits the spot and wakes me up without making me jittery, and is creamy but doesn't fill me up. So as I sit here in sadness, watching my Dad in-and-out of sleep- I sip in a bit of happiness with my cortado in hand. Finding the balance. We are here for two more days as hospice (along with the help of our good friends Joe King and Billy Herr) prepare the house for our arrival home. I'm sure that we will be having lots of visitors once we are home, and I'll be sure to have espresso and milk close by to have handcrafted cortados for all our friends....

"Sadness gives depth. Happiness gives height. Sadness gives roots. Happiness gives branches. Happiness is like a tree going into the sky, and sadness is like the roots going down into the womb of the earth. Both are needed, and the higher a tree goes, the deeper it goes, simultaneously. The bigger the tree, the bigger will be its roots. In fact, it is always in proportion. That's its balance."
― Osho, Everyday Osho: 365 Daily Meditations for the Here and Now

The roman catholic priest just came in and gave dad his final rights. I was surprised that I remembered The Lords Prayer (I'm a CCD dropout), and on that note I need to remedy these tears with some of my beloved caffeine.

The Lords Prayer:
Our Father, Who art in heaven
Hallowed be Thy Name;
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Muffins, Mila, MaryEllen and Meltdowns.

Me and my Mila (the only person that I trust to make me a coffee).

Latte, Morning Glory Muffin.

I don't really like muffins, but Who's on 1st's Glorious Morning muffin is outstanding. 

I don't care how shitty or sad your day may be, there is a remedy that will brighten your day- guaranteed.

 Who's on 1st Cafe + Mila + Mila's perfectly constructed latte = A beautiful day. 

My alarm went off at 6am...with the intention to surf. But I just couldn't get out of bed. It wasn't being tired as much as it was just being fucking overwhelmingly exhausted, in every way, shape and form. I slept until my second alarm at 7:45am. I laid in bed for 20minutes, wishing that I could sleep for a month and wake up refreshed, happy. Alas, I had to teach yoga so I figured I could jet over to 1st to see Mila and maybe a hug and a latte from her would fill me up with what I needed. It worked, of course, and gave me the fuel that I needed to lead a class.

Well, I guess that as soon as class was over my energy faded a bit, and my Yoga Momma - MaryEllen wasn't fooled. Backstory: MaryEllen has been coming to my classes at the Zen Den since day one. I have about 10 hard-core-kickass-love-them-to-death-yoginis that rarely, if ever, miss a class. MaryEllen is one of these special few, and in my mind I have referred to her as my YogaMomma. She's near in age to my mother, and is very nurturing. Her husband is one of the super-brains at HUP and throughout the summer she has offered up anything that we could need - whether its just an "in" in the hospital, medical advice or just an honest opinion. Today, she offered up what I needed most - a hug (and let me tell you, she is a professional hugger. Like her body was made to give hugs. All-encompassing, warm, loving hugs). She just said that I looked a bit stressed and sad and figured I could use a hug. Poor MaryEllen, I had a meltdown in her arms and she just kept giving me that freaking amazing hug that she gives. Mair: I know you read this, thank you. I love you.

Home now. Hanging with Mom, Dad and Nelly. Trying not to 'possess' and control the moment, but to ENJOY it (this was the theme of todays class). Just ate a homemade falafel wrap (recipe coming soon) that was fucking kick ass and feeling better. Thank you to everyone who lifts me up !!

*********************

Possess (v) : to have and hold as property; to enter into and control firmly

We want to possess: feelings, thoughts, relationships (family, friends, lovers).

Osho "The Book: An Introduction to the Teachings of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh Series II I to Q"
"Don't possess, don't become owners of the persons or things; just use them as gifts of the universe. And when they are available, use them; when they are not available, enjoy the freedom. When you have something, enjoy it; when you don't have something, enjoy not having it - that too has it's own beauty. 

If you have a palace to live in, enjoy it! If you don't have one, they enjoy a hut and the hut becomes a palace. It is the enjoyment that makes the difference. Then live under a tree and enjoy it. Don't miss the tree and the flowers and the freedom and the birds and the air and the sun. And when you are in a palace don't miss it - enjoy the marble and the chandeliers...

Go on enjoying wherever you are, and don't possess anything. Nothing belongs to us. We come empty-handed into the world and we go empty-handed. The world is a gift, so enjoy it while it is there. And remember, the universe always gives you that which you need."

Allow a Let-Go.

I have been waking up with the most horrendous stomach aches for the past week. I tried eliminating things from my diet, and adding things, and wasn't quite sure what it was. Then I finally figured out that it wasn't so much a physical thing as it was an emotional. I've been holding onto a lot lately - and it was time for a let go. I've been holding onto how I think things Should be, what I want the path To be. As always - the universe offers up what you need when you need it, and moments after my revelation I stumbled across an amazing quote:

"In the end, the treasure of life is missed by those who hold on, and gained by those who let go." -- Tao Te Ching #75

Osho always knows just what to say, so I looked up "Let Go" in his book: "The Book: An Introduction to the Teachings of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh: Series II I to Q".

"Allow yourself a let-go. Flow naturally and let that be your way. Walk, and by walking, make your way. Don't follow superhighways. They are dead, and you are not going to find anything on them. Everything has already been removed. If you follow a superway, you are moving away from nature. Nature knows no ways, no fixed patterns. It flows in a thousand and one patterns, but all spontaneous. Go and watch...sit on the beach and watch the sea. Millions of waves arising , but each wave unique and different. You cannot find two waves similar. They don't follow any pattern.

No man worth the name will follow any pattern.

People come to me and they say, "Show us the way." I tell them, "Don't ask that". I can only tell you how to walk; I cannot show you the way. Please try to see the distinction: I can only tell you how to walk - and how to walk courageously. I cannot show you the way, because the way is for cowards. Those who don't know how to walk, paralyzed, for them the way exists. For those who know how to walk, they go into the wilderness, and just by walking they create their way."

Memorial Day Madness

...And so another summer in South Jersey begins! My many odd jobs remain the same {more or less} : waitressing (but at a new restaurant, Sunset Pier), teaching yoga (just a lot more than the previous 3 beach classes), singing (at the same 3 spots: Dead Dog, Buschs and Stone Harbor Golf Club), personal catering (for the same wonderful family), Thai Massage, and freelance graphic design. I've removed cleaning houses from the repertoire, because quite frankly it sucks. The money is good, but it drains my energy and my soul!! So that's how I've been able to add in several more classes. Honestly: this was the longest, most painful Memorial Day weekend that I can remember. All of my jobs were great, and I love Sunset Pier, but this was the first summer that I've gone into after a winter at home. Usually I fly home the DAY BEFORE Memorial Day Weekend from wherever I was overseas, and I hit the ground running. I'm excited to work, excited to be home, and excited to replenish my funds (because at this point I already have the next travels planned, and only have to be home for 4 months before jetting off again). A long winter home, and no promise of spending next winter away...well, I just didn't have the same 'umph' that I usually have going into the start of summer. All throughout the weekend I had customers at the restaurant ask me what school I go to, because clearly anyone who waitresses must be a student right?? {I am a pretty easygoing person, but this question really irks me!!}. When I tell them that this is my life: work work work work for four months and then plaaaaaayyyyyyy, the response is always the same: "Well, what do you DO when you travel?". I believe that this is what's wrong with most travelers, particularly with American travelers. They always have to go for someTHING, or someONE, to experience a certain place or sight. I can't really tell you what it is that I do, because when I'm traveling I just am. I just relax into the present moment, enjoy my present company, and just take each day as it comes with all that is has to offer. I can describe my travel experience as satori...

A story about SATORI:

When I was reading OSHO's "Tantra" last night he told an anecdote about Satori that I really would love to share. It's long, but it is a beautiful story that I hope you read, digest and enjoy:

In my childhood I used to go early in the morning to the river. It is a small village. The river is very, very laxy, as if not flowing at all, and in the morning when the sun has not yet arisen, you cannot see whether it is flowing, it is so lazy and silent. In the morning when there is nobody - the bathers have not come yet - it is tremendously silent. Even the birds are not singing, in the early morning, no sound, just a soundlessness pervades. And the smell of the mango trees hangs all over the river. 

I used to go there, to the furthest corner of the river, just to sit, just to be there. There was no need to do anything, just being there was enough; it was such a beautiful experience to be there. I would take a bath, I would swim, and when the sun rose I would go to the other shore, to the vast expanse of sand, and dry myself there under the sun, and lie there and sometimes even go to sleep. 

When I came back, my mother used to ask, "What have you been doing the whole morning?" I would say "Nothing", because, actually, I had not been doing anything. And she would say, "How is it possible? For hours you have not been here, how is it possible that you have not been doing anything? You must have been doing something." And she was right, but also I was not wrong.

I was not doing anything at all. I was just there being with the river, not doing anything, allowing things to happen. If I felt like swimming - remember if I felt like swimming - I would swim , but it was not a doing on my part, I was not forcing anything. If I felt like going into sleep, I would go. Things were happening, but there was no doer. And my first experiences of satori started near the river; not doing anything, simply being there, millions of things happened. 

But she would insist, "You must have been doing something." So I would say, "Okay, I took a bath and dried myself in the sun," and then she was satisfied. But I was not, because what happened there in the river is not expressed by the words I took a bath; it looks so poor and pale. Playing with the river, floating in the river, swimming in the river, was such a deep experience. To simply say, "I took a bath" makes no sense, or just to say "I went there, had a walk on the bank, sat there.", conveys nothing at all. 

If whatsoever you have been living can be conveyed by words, that means you have no lived at all. 

And so SATORI is my state of being when I travel. Every day is magical and can't really be expressed in words, or else it would sound like nothing at all. But for all of those customers that need an answer, I tell them I jumped off a waterfall, or swam in a lake, or ate some exotic food. And they smile at me, sometimes in awe or jealousy or confusion, and I smile to myself because I know how wonderful the moment truly was. 

Coffee. A proper, delicious, hand crafted, strong cup of coffee. Hallelujah. 

Was super grateful to spend the morning with my Dad today while he enjoyed his breakfast

Put the cap on my truck today so I can store all of the necessities for my 20 jobs....

Putzing in the garden. 

Basho

The morning dawns
late night soon follows.
Life transient as dew.
Yet the morning glory
unconcerned
goes on blooming, blooming
it's short complete life.

--Basho

An excerpt from Osho's "Zen: the Path of Paradox":

Let the phrase sink into you: it's short complete life. Short but complete. The morning glory is loved very much by Zen people, and the reason is that it opens in the morning and by the evening it is gone. In the morning it was there, so beautiful, so authentic, so real, and by the evening the flower has faded, dropped into the earth, ready to disappear. The morning glory is an exact symbol for life. When the morning glory blooms, in that small life, in that short span, it is complete. It is total; it lacks nothing. Those few moments are enough. Eternity is touched.

Thai Yoga Massage Training Day 2

Having a little lunch after a long morning...

The 10 major SEN lines in Thai Yoga Massage...

Jennifer and Josh demonstrating techniques....

Yeeew! Day two...and just wanted to report that I have fallen truly madly deeply in love with Thai massage. It is NOTHING like the Thai massage that I received in the touristy towns of Thailand. It is a spiritual practice and an intense body work that is deeply integrated with your energy. Powerful shit...and a bit too much for me to get into at this moment. So here are some photos: some of the osho books I've been borrowing from Daniel (he has a whole Osho library!), a few of us enjoying lunch together, an illustration of Thai "SEN" lines (similar to meridians), my amazing teacher Jennifer showing us some technique, and then a typical evening at Daniels house. Namaste my friends!

Back at Daniels, just lounging, some massage...

Cracking out on the Osho collection...