not all who wander are lost.

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Strawberry Hot Springs!!!

And finally we arrived at our destination!! The healing hot springs at strawberry park in steamboat. It was $10 entrance fee, and I would pay quadruple that if I had to--- it was ammmmazing. There were multiple pools, varying in temperature. The bottoms of pools were sand and pebble, and the air was just crisp and cold enough that it wasn't Too painful to get out and move from pool to pool. We soaked and laughed for several hours before we called it quits, mostly due to pruney hands and feet. As night fell we packed it up, had some pizza in town and then came back to summit and fell quickly to sleep. Life is good.

The Beautiful HotSprings!
Enjoying the healing waters. 
Somehow we scored an epic hot private pool! 
Private Pool, Pruney Fingers. 


Anytime I see a pig, I think of Dad. Kill em n Eat em. 
Eating our sammys by the river. 
The hike was beautiful, and the abundance of Aspen trees were amazing. 
Hiking, Hiking. 
We scooped up Kelsea and then laughed all the way to Steamboat, which was about an hour and a half from Summit. She is one of the funniest people that I have ever encountered. Pulled into town and scooped up Sammy's and then sat by the river to enjoy them. We wanted to move a bit before soaking so we hiked a beautiful trail in town, which was full of beautiful trees with their fall colors. Kelsea said a week from now that all the trees would be bare, so I was feeling grateful for my perfect timing her in Colorado.

Loveland Pass

Ryans driving caused me a bit of anxiety as we drove up the loveland pass. Shortly after this I closed my eyes...
BRRRRf*ingBRRRRR. Breezy and cold at the top. 
Beauty from the top, Loveland Pass. 
Headstands in the Mountains. 
Loveland Pass. 
Half way to Summit, we stopped at Loveland Pass. The temperature drop from the main road was drastic and intense. The road winding up to the pass was pretty sketchy too, and with Ryan's driving I finally just closed my eyes, paralyzed. There's a beautiful view, and we trekked around to take it all in. And then, we were back on the road.

Pre-Mission Morning

Atlas Purveyors : that Mayan calendar is CHALK! 
Morning reflections...
"Comfort Coffee" : espresso, steamed milk, vanilla, cinnamon, agave. 
Moe's "Morning After" with coffee. 
Only the Best get Baked. 
Before we left for our adventure, we fueled up. A mission without proper caffeine and food is no bueno, so we started at Atlas Purveyors for coffee. It's Ryan's favorite, probably because they have an epic, endless amount of teas. He had coconut oolong. I opted for the "Comfort Coffee", simply because I was intrigued by the name. It was espresso, steamed milk, a touch of vanilla, cinnamon and agave. Super delicious and super "comforting". I especially loved that it was served in a glass and not a mug, and I loved their coffee sleeves to protect your hands from the heat, which were cloth on the inside and recycled coffee bag on the outside. Also, the chalk art on their chalkboard was unreal. Yes, that artwork is All Chalk!

For breakfast we stopped at the famous Moe's, who's slogan is "Only the Best get Baked". I had the "Morning After" (bacon, egg, cheese and smoked jalapeños) on an everything bagel and some more coffee.

And then we were off, Summit bound so we could scoop up Kelsea (Ryan's sister) and then make it to our ultimate destination, Steamboat....

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Steamboat Bound.

Paige enjoying a rootbeer. 
Me enjoying a Brek Agave Wheat brew. 
After my mellow morning I headed to Ozo, on 11th and pearl, for a delicious hand crafted caffeinated beverage. I decided on a latte and then sat outside and enjoyed my Osho "Autobiography of a Spiritually Incorrect Mystic". The sun was super bright and the temperature was about 80 degrees, but the air was still that crisp, clean mountain air that I love. Paige met up with me for the afternoon and for lunch we toured some of my favorites: a taco at the taco stand on 13th, a salad at Shine and then a beer and a BLT (with French fries, obviously) at Salt. We made great friends everywhere that we went, but our server at Shine was particularly amazing...Josh. He talked with us for at least an hour- about food, food, food, and beer, and he even gave me free samples of all of the house-brewed beers. I said goodbye to Paige and took a class @ Om Time with "Jessica". The flow was just what my body needed and she even gave us raw treats after class (raw cacao, goji berries, shredded coconut, coconut oil, and cinnamon).

I spent some time with Emily and we picked animal spirit guide tarot cards and sipped tea. She had to work at 4am the next day so I left her to sleep and went out to dinner with my friend Ryan Biddle, his roommate Sage, and Paige. We ate at Sherpa, the Nepalese restaurant in town. It was epic. Back to Ryan's for conversation and such and then to bed.

Today Paige, Ryan and I head to Dillon to scoop up his sister and then we are Steamboat bound for the Strawberry Hot Springs!!!! Can't wait!

Friday, September 28, 2012

Boulder Bliss

Sweet Potato fries with homemade aioli, *best house salad ever*, buger with pickeled onions and cilantro pesto @ SHINE. 
Picking our OSHO Tarot Cards. Super intense, super insightful, bit emtotional. Even Oshos' cards are the best.
"I think that I want to like burbon"....Em sipping Old Fashioneds @ SALT. 
Yet another epic meal at my beloved SALT (best restaurant in Boulder, hands down). Sipping on a deeeelicious Grenache from France and eating a perfectly roasted duck served over lentils and figs. 
Having a lazy morning, playing with the boxes of "samples" that Emily has, and making myself a goodie bag. 
So day one in Boulder was a success. Grabbed the AB bus from the airport to Boulder, Emily met me on Pearl street and first stop was FOOD (obviously). Emily knows that I love to eat, and she shares that same passion - so she had a list of 20 different restaurants that we needed to try (in the next 5 days haha). Everything is fresh and local and Our first meal was at Shine. We had bread with fresh yam butter. I had a watermelon soda, Emily had one of the housemade tonics "Fairy Bubbles" hahaha, it was delicious and nutritious. She had coconut curry with vegetables and I went big and got their organic grass fed burger on a gluten free roll - with pickled onions (epic) and cilantro pesto (epic). It came with a house salad, and the salad honestly made me excited. I don't know if it was the dressing or what, but it was outstanding. And a meal isnt a meal without french fries, so I got the sweet potato fries with fresh aioli. So far, so good. We sat and talked for a loooooong time. Emily is one of my oldest and best of friends, but we never talk on the phone. We just cross paths about once a year and have a full blown love affair, picking up right where we left off. It's so comforting to have friends like this, and I'm very grateful for all that she does for me.  For all of you who pick the "Ask Your Guides" cards with me (and theres a lot of you)...these were a gift from Emily. She also turned me onto Osho's Tarot Cards. After lunch we bopped around Pearl street and wandered into a spiritual book store, talking about Osho, Ram Dass, what our animal spirit guides might be, and all sorts of other super hippy dippy shit. She bought a deck of tarot cards, and I got a deck as well, "Messages from your Animal Spirit Guides" (I love this kind of shit). As I paid for my cards, the man ringing me up looked at me with a big smile and said "GOD BLESS YA". I got chills. He not only said my Dads most used phrase, but he said it the same.exact.way. that Dad did. I told him that my Dad always said that, and he looked back at me and chimed "Well, God Bless Him. I bet ya he's a great guy, give him a hug for me."

We walked back to her apartment, decompressed and digested and talked and laughed. We dropped off my stuff, made some Marshmellow tea (this is not like smores marshmallows, its a bark, and its great for locking moisture into the skin), and then we picked Osho cards. It's not the same as picking from the Ask Your Guides deck, you actually have to lay them out and theres a system. I cried, I laughed - Oshos fucking cards were spot on.

We grabbed a 7:30pm class back in town at Om Time (one of my favorite studios here). My yoga student and friend, Paige, from OC (who now goes to CU in Boulder) joined us. When we walked in Paige said "Cailin, I have taken a ton of yoga classes, with a ton of instructors, since being in boulder - and none compare to you." Funny she should say that, because this teacher that we had was the antithesis of me. First of all, she had that obnoxious "yoga voice" that fucking obnoxious voice - you all know what I'm talking about. She began with "this is an INvolution, as me make an EVolution, and  blah blah blah". She was rambling in "yoga talk" that didn't even make sense. If you are going to speak mumbo-jumbo, you need to BELIEVE it when you say it. This chick was just quoting every yoga instructor that she'd ever encountered. To make it worse, her "life partner" Suki Suki would let out a lonnnng, overexaggerated MOAN every 5 minutes. I didn't know whether to laugh or slap a bitch. We made it through the class, and though I was TRYING not to keep count, the instructor said "INvolution" and "cosmic dance" over 70times. We walked out and let out a much suppressed laugh. If I ever become THAT teacher, please, hit me.

Emily and I changed and then headed to my fave fave fave restaurant in Boulder, SALT. It's farm to table, sustainable, delicious food -- and every man that works in the kitchen is 6 foot tall and gorgeous. Boom. We started with cocktails, kale salad, and a farm house salad. Then came the duck egg flatbread with arugala and lemon vinagrette. Holy hell. We split the duck entree, which was just out of this world. Perfectly cooked served with an apple cider vinegar reduction, over creamy lentils and sauteed grapes, with fresh figs. Heavenly.

We were home by midnight and fell right to sleep. Emily has to work this morning but she left out all of her goodies for me to play with. A took an hour long hot bath and used about a dozen salt scrubs and face washes, toners and lotions. I have scrubbed my feet and used organic creme on my hands, I have 20 different lotions on my body right now and I smell damn good.

Heading into town now to Ozo for some of their delicious espresso...meeting Paige for lunch and yoga and then Ethiopian for dinner tonight. Boom. Boulder. 

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Mountain Bound

I am a beach girl, who (secretly) is in love with the mountains. This photo is from one year ago when I drove cross country. I hiked the Hanging Lake Trail in Glenwood Springs, and it was ammmmazing.

My love affair with the mountains began three years ago in Latacunga and Baños, Ecuador. There is something totally majestic about the mountains, and maybe it's just the high altitudes, but I always feel a bit high (spiritually speaking, of course...) when I'm playing in these heights.

I'm sitting in the Philadelphia Airport now, Au Bon Pain hot tea in hand (chamomile with lemon and wildflower honey). I have my favorite traveling boots on, my beloved rucksack (50L Marmot), with my yoga mat strapped to the side. When I went to bed last night I was super anxious, I actually debated not going through with this trip. It's not even a trip, more of a "jaunt", and it's not even international...but I had hesitations about leaving my mom and leaving the comfort of my routine, and these feelings were definitely a first for me, usually I'm ready and raring to go for the next adventure. I finally fell asleep last night at 4:30am, after tossing and turning and stressing and crying all night. My alarm went off 15minutes later...

Feeling better now, excited to see good friends, excited to have some outdoor adventures. Anxious about leaving my momma, anxious about how much I'm missing my Dad, but with each sip of this Egyptian chamomile I'm beginning to relax into the next few days of fun...

Boulder, Colorado. Boom.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Food with Friends.

Brad and Ro's porch...
A little bit of Veuve to toast to Dad. 
Ros' fathers pickled jalapeno peppers....unfuckingbelievablydelicious. 
Picking crabs with mom and ro.
Crabs and Spagg. 
Had an epic meal at Brad and Ro's last night. We picked steamed crabs and drank beers, toasted Veuve to Dad, and then had crabs and spaghetti. It was good to get mom out of the house and enjoy a beautiful night bay-side with our good friends.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Change and Chaos.

Fall Days.

Growing up I always surfed with my Dad. When I was a little kid he would actually tell my mom that he was dropping me off at Sunday School and we would go surfing instead (sorry mom...maybe that's why I'm such a "heathen" haha). I have never had to learn about swell direction, tides, or winds - because my Dad would always tell me where to go. He would wake me up early in the morning if we needed to be up to catch it perfect. Sometimes we would head North to OC, and sometimes all the way south to Cape May. There were always coffee stops at WaWa when we were en route, and we ALWAYS went out for breakfast (or lunch) was tradition.

Well to say that I haven't "surfed much" this summer is a grand understatement. I haven't really surfed at all...and the few times that I did make it out it just wasn't as fun as I remembered it being. I thought that maybe I was broken or something -- the love of my life no longer was filling me up. Well, I guess it's just like my thoughts on practicing yoga : on the mat its just as important if not more important for me to be surrounded by good people, otherwise my practice is just okay. Same goes for surfing I really matters who you are sharing the lineup with. I've never been a solo surfer, probably because I have a totally irrational fear of the ocean and of sharks *dontjudgeme*, and I never will be. Yesterday I kept the tradition going by surfing with two of my most favorite people 'round these parts: Chris Paisley and Adam Green (Ari's husband). We had a blast, trading off waves, talking trash, laughing and soaking up the September sun. There were only a few people in the lineup and we each had more than our fair share of waves. I was getting perfect nose-rides that seemed to last forever. After our long session, as the tide was filling in and the waves getting smaller, we said goodbye to Adam who had to get back to work - and then Paisley and I grabbed some lunch. I had a layer of salt on my face, wet shaggy hair, my favorite hoodie wrapping me up and sand on my feed as we walked into the restaurant. Felt myself getting a bit weepie for a second and then it quickly turned to a smile as my food arrived and I shoveled the warm goodness down.

Grateful for September. Grateful for great friends. Grateful for my Dad for introducing me to the beauty of Surfing. 

Monday, September 24, 2012

If You Have to Pee...PEE.

I told my friend Kate the other day that I just wanted to cry, all day. And she said "Well, if you have to pee...pee." And so I cried....

There are many waves to grieve, and there are many stages to the process of grieving. I have been told that I need to:

  • Dance.
  • Laugh.
  • Drink.
  • Cry.
  • Sleep.

This, people have said, is the cure for a broken heart. 

Well....Saturday night just about summed it up. High heels and whiskey with friends at the Heritage Party @ the Deauville in Strathmere is where it all began. If there is any possibility of dancing, you are damn sure that I'll be dancing (thank you Mom, I got this from you. And my Dad was always known to tear up the dance floor too). I was told that some people thought that I was "wild" and "crazy", but I don't give a fuck. I can't sit in a chair because people are too insecure to bust a move, and anyone who judges someone having fun is doing so because they don' I laughed my ass off all night. And I drank. Sipping whiskey and a club soda. Later moving to beer. I cooled it down once we got to the Dead Dog in Sea Isle. I was tapped out and ready to just kick it with friends. My feet hurt from dancing, my head was a touch cloudy with whiskey and the smile on my face couldn't have gotten any bigger if I'd tried. We listened to the girl strum away on stage and ate and laughed. Towards the end of the night everything became a downward spiral. There was a domestic abuse incident outside, there was drama with the drunks inside, so I just posted up and tried to wrap my head around the good night gone bad. What is it about a great night that makes people angry? I'll never understand. Out of no where, completely unprovoked, I was verbally assaulted by one of the 'surfer bro bros' that was out. He came at me spouting off about me being retarded and making pretty fucked up digs about my 'dead dad'. Completely in shock and caught off guard I just sat there and cried as he continued with his unprovoked profanities. Eventually my cousin Jenny came out to smoke a cigg and when she heard what he was saying she freaked out. Megan heard it all and came out to hold me as I just sat there crying (pitiful, I know. I shoulda knocked him out...but my arms hurt too bad from CrossFit). Jenny literally chased him off as he CONTINUED to shout at me. Megan carried me home as I cried and snotted and dry-heaved. I must have said a thousand times "I'm just so sad, I'm just so sad". And so we got home, she cuddled me on the couch and rocked me to sleep as I cried and cried. I got very little sleep that night seeing as that I had to teach yoga the next day, my eyes swollen shut from the previous-nights cryfest.

Well I went to sleep last night at 8pm and didn't get up til 9:30 this morning, and if there weren't waves then I would still be in bed. I feel like I could sleep for an eternity. 

Osho says that the people we hold closest to us are actually, physically a part of us. So when that person dies, a part of you dies. So not only are you mourning the loss of that person, but you are actually mourning for yourself - because a part of YOU has died. There have been times in my life that I feel like my Dad filled all of me. He was the inspiration for my wanderlust, he was my anchor to my family, he was the fuel for my fun, and my best friend. Osho says that eventually the pain will pass, but that space where he lived will always be empty. As time passes that space will be filled up with the love and presence of others, but it will never quite be the same. 

So....if you see me dancing, laughing, drinking, or crying ... either join me or get outta my way. Because grieving the loss of someone SO GREAT is going to take a long time...a lot of dance parties, a lot of laughing, a bunch of booze, and boxes of tissues. Thanks to everyone who was a part of the good times the other night. 

Shake it Out. Shake it Out.

Saturday, September 22, 2012

ShitFuck and Florence.

I had a beautiful day, followed by a sad evening. I'm not sure when it hit -- maybe the Lululemon Trunk show? Maybe my delicious dinner at Clancys? Whenever it was, it hit me hard - and fast. I threw some money at my friend Erika and was quickly in my car and on my way home. I pulled over by Lake Magnolia (only a few miles from my house) and turned on my music...and I turned it up loud. Florence and the Machine "No Light, No Light" and "Shake it Out"...full blast, windows closed. I shut my eyes and felt the vibrations of the music pulse through my being. I listened to each song 3x before heading home and cuddling my mom. Loud music is so comforting to me, and in my car, windows up, I could feel each note in my chest. I went to bed feeling totally fucking defeated -- physically I was exhausted. Despite multiple meditations and yoga classes, spiritually and emotionally I was done. I barely slept, and woke up just as defeated as I had been when my head hit the pillow the night before. After my class this morning I had a parking ticket on my car. It seemed as if this shitfuck of a day would never end. But then I turned up my Florence again, and read Osho's thoughts about "choice"s and now I'm back to feeling alright. Beach + Beer + Mom + Loud Music = BLISS.

Physically and emotionally exhausted, I punished myself with a CrossFit WOD.
Hanging with my friend Erika and our darling Cali...who wanted a beer. 

Determined to get my mom out of the house, and get her to the beach, we set up a camp to protect us from the wind and sand. We sipped champagne and "pirate" port.
Osho says that you have a "choice" can choose Misery or Bliss. There was a story about his familys home. His father payed a contractor to build the family a house. He was a simple man, and while Oshos father was away, just days after it was built and just days before his family was to move in, the house fell down. Osho was devastated, but his father said "What a wonderful thing! What a reason to celebrate! You, me, your mother and your 10 brothers and sisters could have been in the house when it collapsed!! How lucky we are!!!". So today, despite this overwhelming sadness, I choose Bliss. I choose to celebrate Having my wonderful mother, despite losing my beloved Father.
Billy with the "catch of the day"....a dozen beers.

Thursday, September 20, 2012


Johnny and me Showing off our Brooke goodies :)

Johnny DiGenni and I met up at the Dead Dog tonight for their epic taco night. He sipped Dos Equis and I sipped club soda, and we each housed 3 tacos. Half way through our meal I commented on his sweeeeet "biker" tshirt (Johnny bought a motorcycle and has become quite the biker dude, accessories too *nerd*). He responded that Brooke had bought it for him when he had gotten his new bike. It just so happened that I was wearing bright blue Beyond Yoga pants that Brookie had bought for me earlier this week. Boom. Brooke- we love you, thank you for keeping us 'hip' and in the coolest digs.

Yet another amazing night at my beloved Dead Dog, with one of my most favorite people in the world, sipping ice cold and delicious club sodas in my super amazing yoga pants, from another one of my most favorite people in the world.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Life Celebration Pt.4

Loving and missing Dad.
This found Brooke and John at the store right after the services. Holy shit.
Very little sleep and then I had to teach yoga. Brooke came this morning and had this wall hanging for me. After the luncheon yesterday her and Johnny walked to the antique store across the street to grab his sister a gift for her birthday. This literally FELL off the shelf and when they picked it up it was the Winnie the Pooh quote I posted the day that my Dad died. Obviously Dad wanted for me to have this. Thanks John and Brooke, I'm glad that it found you :)

Life Celebration Pt.3

Mom and Katie.
TA telling hysterical stories about Dad back in college.
Richard Schad chiming in on the details of the college days...
Andrew Welker, the power hooker.
At this point I'm not even sure WHAT the fuck was happening.
And the wine kept flowing and the stories kept coming.

Life Celebration Pt.2

Kill em and eat em.
Story time.
And so the laughter and celebration continued.