not all who wander are lost.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Polka Dots + Stripes + Everything Cool.

NYC: I love it, but this place makes me feel so uncool. Genuinely UNcool. I know my way around the subways, I know of the best places to eat - where to get dumplings, where to get coffee, where to get the best pie or cannoli or falafel. But no matter how hard I try, I feel totally uncool. Perhaps this is because I'm trying, or because I'm longing to be something I'm not. I'm sorry - but no matter how cool it is, I will always feel like a smacked-ass in oversized glasses, unmatching socks, or a huge fur coat. I don't feel comfortable in bright pink tights or ill-fitting sailor pants. I feel at home in stretch pants, uggs and my warm Patagonia jacket.....and for some reason, when I wear this attire in NYC, I feel totally uncool. And then I get down on myself for not being comfortable in my own digs or in my own skin. I don't mix polka dots and stripes, and I probably never will - so I need to accept that my cool isn't their cool, and what in the hell defines cool anyways? Realistically, I don't think that I've ever been very cool to begin with, so why the hell am I trying to start now?

SO: NYC - Please continue to embrace me, despite my inability to be cool. Feed me, entertain me...and let me enjoy my stretch pants and plain jane attire. Love, Cailin.


  1. you are WAY cool, even as a little kid, you were cooler than most people we knew....just being yourself and not conforming to what other people think makes you also makes you someone i am happy to know and hang out with. when you were young we hung out...we fished, surfed, clammed, looked for hunting spots.... i am so glad I KNOW dad

  2. I know this feeling! even that I've never have been to NYC or U.S. in that matter ;) but on the completely different subject - you being UNcool is something BEYOND my imagination! listen to your dad, young lady - you're WAY COOL ! :)