not all who wander are lost.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Polka Dots + Stripes + Everything Cool.

NYC: I love it, but this place makes me feel so uncool. Genuinely UNcool. I know my way around the subways, I know of the best places to eat - where to get dumplings, where to get coffee, where to get the best pie or cannoli or falafel. But no matter how hard I try, I feel totally uncool. Perhaps this is because I'm trying, or because I'm longing to be something I'm not. I'm sorry - but no matter how cool it is, I will always feel like a smacked-ass in oversized glasses, unmatching socks, or a huge fur coat. I don't feel comfortable in bright pink tights or ill-fitting sailor pants. I feel at home in stretch pants, uggs and my warm Patagonia jacket.....and for some reason, when I wear this attire in NYC, I feel totally uncool. And then I get down on myself for not being comfortable in my own digs or in my own skin. I don't mix polka dots and stripes, and I probably never will - so I need to accept that my cool isn't their cool, and what in the hell defines cool anyways? Realistically, I don't think that I've ever been very cool to begin with, so why the hell am I trying to start now?

SO: NYC - Please continue to embrace me, despite my inability to be cool. Feed me, entertain me...and let me enjoy my stretch pants and plain jane attire. Love, Cailin.

2 comments:

  1. you are WAY cool, even as a little kid, you were cooler than most people we knew....just being yourself and not conforming to what other people think makes you cool...it also makes you someone i am happy to know and hang out with. when you were young we hung out...we fished, surfed, clammed, looked for hunting spots.... i am so glad I KNOW YOU....love dad

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  2. I know this feeling! even that I've never have been to NYC or U.S. in that matter ;) but on the completely different subject - you being UNcool is something BEYOND my imagination! listen to your dad, young lady - you're WAY COOL ! :)
    Hugs!

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