not all who wander are lost.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Holding Space.

Wow. What a beautiful day yesterday was. What a beautiful afternoon. What a great night, and what a sad evening. I won't begin to try to understand how our emotions change as quickly as they do - I just accept it. Nothing is permanent, especially not our emotions. The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying by Sogyal Rinpoche says...

"Learning to live is learning to let go...there's nothing wrong with the desire to be happy, but what we grasp on to is by nature ungraspable. Taking impermanence truly to heart is to be slowly freed from the idea of grasping, from our flawed and destructive view of permanence, from the false passion for security on which we have built everything. Slowly it dawns on us that all the heartache we have been through from grasping at the ungraspable was, in the deepest sense, unnecessary."

Then Sogyal Rinpoche goes on to give us an experiment...

"Pick up a coin. Imagine that it represents the object at which you are grasping. Hold it tightly clutched in your fist and extend your arm, with the palm of your hand facing the ground. Now if you let go or relax your grip, you will lose what you are clinging onto. That's why you hold on. 

But there's another possibility. You can let go and yet keep hold of it. With your arm still outstretched, turn your hand over so that it faces the sky. Release your hand and the coin still rests on your open palm. You let go. And the coin is still yours, even with all this space around it. So there is a way in which we can accept impermanence and still relish life, at one and the same time, without grasping."

I always say that we are as happy or as sad as we make up our minds to be....but that doesn't mean that we won't be sad, so don't misunderstand me. Mooji would say that you have to feel whatever emotions come up, but you don't have to PURCHASE them. So hold space for them (keeping your palm open) but don't hold on to them (palm facing down, holding tight). And sometimes sadness can even be a beautiful thing - which helps to season us, to help us grow. Hafiz says....

*My Eyes So Soft*

Don't surrender your loneliness so quickly
let it cut more deep.
Let it ferment and season you
as few human or even divine ingredients can
Something missing in my heart tonight
has made my eyes so soft
my voice so tender
my need of god 
absolutely clear.


So last night, after the most amazing day, I held space for my sadness. I'm adjusting to life back in South Jersey. I'm adjusting to life without my dad. I'm adjusting to being a daughter living back in my mothers home. I'm adjusting to a full work schedule. I'm adjusting to a life that is different than the one I was just living all winter. So sadness will come, and sadness is okay - as long as I don't try to force myself to GRASP at the happiness I've felt, and as long as I don't purchase the sadness that is simply passing through. So, I'm holding space...for anything that comes up. I cried myself to sleep last night, cuddled into the guest bed in Luther and Adenas home. And then I woke up this morning, feeling fresh and okay. I sat on their porch, cuddled their sweet Biscuit, and then got on with my day.

Holding Space.
Breathe In.
Breathe Out.

How can you be sad when your cuddled by this handsome face? Biscuit!

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