not all who wander are lost.

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Ninja Goddess.

I have moved for the fourth and final time! I began by the Ganges, then was up by the jungle, then down in Swagashram on the first floor, only to be moved up to the second floor the next day. And now this is where I'll spend my final week. The room is 180rs (3$usd) a night, which is the cheapest gig in town. I have a king size bed in a big room with a bureau for my things and enough space for my meditation altar and my yoga mat. You open a door which leads you out onto an enclosed sun porch where I've set up my book shelf and the two comfy lounge chairs. Another door opens from this room and there is my bathroom. The spicket on the sink doesn't work, nor does the hot water- and there's no shower head (bucket showering!)- but the toilet flushes and luckily I have friends that live below me who have a hot shower I can use. It feels cozy and like home and I'm happy to be settled. I've been sick now for 3 days...after going years without a wicked cold, I'm fed up with my SECOND cold in the past 3 months. Alas, "grief" is associated with the lungs, so I'm about 99% sure that this is why I've been suffering from this damn cough/cold. As much as I think that I'm "working through" the grief, I've been having a hard time purchasing that feeling and exhausting it- because to do that you need to be vulnerable, and I just haven't felt comfortable enough to fully let go....

....and then came Xochitl (sho-teel). Xochitl is my friend Viveks girlfriend. I did the Tribe training in Goa with Vivek, who is from LA. We were great friends in Goa, and now that I've met his lady love we have become quick friends as well. She is a Life Coach and jewelry designer, with a huge heart and warm embrace. We have been doing the palmistry course together- and she's a pro already. I love the palmistry, and I'm okay at it- but Xochitl could probably teach this course once it's completed-- she comes from a long line of Shamans, healers and seers (she's from Peru), and this kind of thing is definitely in her blood. When I "moved into the neighborhood" aka Swagashram, I was greeted with a care package of bottled water and incense, along with a beautiful card from Vivek and his Queen. They constantly shower me with small random acts of kindness and warm hugs that really end up making my day. Yesterday Xochitl could tell that I needed a bit of "healing", so after our palmistry class she set to work. There was some burning of wood and incense, essential oils, chanting, affirmations, massage, energy work and some shaman-type healing process that ended with me curled up into Xochitls arms, bawling my eyes out. Snot, tears, saliva...all over poor Xochitls neck- but she didn't mind, and only spoke to coax out of me whatever I was holding onto, and only moving her hand to smooth my hair every now and then. I realized that its been a long time since I've been held by someone, anyone- especially someone who really cares for me. Xochitl held space for a sadness that was deeper and heavier than I had been aware of. After cleansing my energy and cleaning me up I drug myself upstairs to my bed for the longest and deepest sleep that I've had in the past 4 months. 

Every now and then I'll feel the weight of the load get lighter and lighter, and the loneliness getting more and more comfortable. Big thanks to my shamanic ninja Goddess, Xochitl. 

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