not all who wander are lost.

Saturday, October 13, 2012


Everyone keeps telling me that "it gets easier", and "you'll miss him less each day", things of that nature. First of all, I appreciate everyone wanting to comfort me, but sometimes a *hug* says it best -- because it hasn't gotten's actually become much more painful with each day. And I miss him more every minute, every hour a new depth to this emptiness that I didn't know could exist...which is okay, because I don't want there to ever be a day when I don't miss him. This all gets more real and more permanent as time passes. I don't know if it's because people have noticed lately that I'm particularly sad, or if people feel comfortable to finally approach me, and I know that everyone is coming from a place of kindness and sincerity - but please, keep your m*f'ing condolences to yourself and just give me a real, geniuine hug, because that will make me feel better. Martha Stanwood said it best, "Cailin, the pain is never going to go away - or become any less - but it'll evolve into something that you are able to live with. You'll miss him always."

Now that we've gotten that out of the way...

This photo was taken by a friend on Sumner Avenue in Strathmere. Two deer, on our beach, waves in the background and stripers swimming around under the sea. Since I was a kid this was where I spent most of my time with my Dad. This is the street where he taught me how to surf. This is the street where he taught me to throw a seine net for bait fish. This is the street where we caught fish off the jetty (back before all this "beach replinshment" covered it up). I have millions of memories with my Dad, and some of the best ones happened here. One of the only times that we had fun apart was when he was in the woods, in a tree stand, deer hunting. Well goddamn goddamn....if this scenario isn't a sign from him than I don't know what is!?

"so I will always lean my heart
as close to your soul
as I can."


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