not all who wander are lost.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Divine Beings and Insecurities

Insecurities are a cruel, confusing beast...that show their ugliness through various forms which can be anger, jealousy, ego, sadness, aggression, withdrawal, sarcasm, and the list goes on... When you encounter someone with a huge ego, isn't that really just over-compensation for being insecure? It's so easy to judge someone right away, I do it all the time (and it's something I'm working very hard to overcome). But if you really look at the root of it, you'll often find that the culprit is vulnerability or insecurity. In Sri Vidya (yogic) philosophy it is taught that we are all divine beings, that divinity is all around us and within us. Through conditioning, circumstances and so on we sometimes get further away from that divinity- but ultimately it is our essence. A good practice is for one day to try and see the divine in everyone (and everything) around you. If you have trouble doing this with a certain person, picture them as a child (a far more pure version of ourselves). When you really start to SEE someone, not just their exterior (or our 'reaction' to their exterior), you have more compassion for whatever they are it jealousy, anger, ego or sadness. Someone once said to me that everything is coming from love; kindness is from an abundance of it, anger is from a lack of it. I have found this statement to be so so true. 

So now that we are done with the "Preface", I'm breaking it down into a personal way- which hopefully will give you a bit more insight and inspiration for having patience and compassion when encountering certain people...

Stu and I became instant friends back in December while staying at the same guest house. We filled our days with surfing, conversation, Dominoes and Rice + Curry. He was exposed to some of my saddest moments and happiest days. Throughout the months I traveled in India we kept in regular contact and now here we are back in Sri Lanka again. We are like two peas in a pod (a very non-romantic, friends only pod). Well, have you ever been jealous when your best friend has another great friend? Maybe it's not so hard to hear about it, but to encounter it is always an interesting dynamic, like there's now a competition for affection. Anyone? Or is this just me? Well that's what happened last night. Stu's friend from travels long ago arrived, and it totally threw me for a loop. Instead of reacting I tried to witness everything that was coming up for me so I could quickly overcome my childish emotions. Easier said than done. This girl is a badass, well-traveled kiteboarder from Scotland. I love the Scottish, I love this girls vibration, and I just dig what she's all about. But I felt totally insecure from the moment of her arrival, and it made me quiet, withdrawn, and a touch sad. Through my life-coaching sessions with Xochitl we have discovered that I equate love with being needed. So the way that I'm interpreting these emotions is that now that there is another badass chick in our (now) trio that Stu won't need me as much, and therefore not love me as much. Ultimately, this is all about me. And I can choose my reaction to this. Because our love is there, and is not affected by another's presence; but it IS affected by my Reactions to another's presence. 

The solution? I'm a divine m*f*ing being! Boom. As soon as awareness was brought into the situation it was nearly solved. The moral of the story? If someone's being a jealous dickhead or a sad Sally maybe it's just because deep down they are really feeling insecure. No ones perfect, but we are all D*I*V*I*N*E. Practice patience and compassion my friends. 

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