not all who wander are lost.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Fear and Quasi-Forearm-Headstands

The theme of today's class was about "FEAR". I thought to myself that I should finally be able to have a tear-free class because I am comfortable and close to my fears, and it's a theme that many teachers focus on. Alas, I was wrong. As I opened up more to my fears, I realized that my biggest fear wasn't the fears themself, the fear is that while I am amongst them and overcoming them that there is no one there to hold me. Ah, the fear hidden in the fear. It is the physical comfort of being held by someone who knows you, loves you and nurtures you...this is the type of touch that I miss when I'm on the road so much. Does that make sense? And then the scariest of it all is that I will never be physically held by my Dad ever again. Duh, this is what happens when someone dies, but sometimes the weight of him being gone hits me hard, and it feels like being crushed by a wall. More than anything he held me emotionally, and no matter what I was going through he just held space for it and whatever I was feeling. He didn't tell me what to do. He didn't tell me what not to do. He didn't tell me not to feel what I was feeling or to feel a certain way. He just 'was', and just let me 'be', but in that was togetherness, which made my fears a bit less scary and easier to face.

I've been thinking about this a lot since this mornings class, and I'm starting to find some comfort as I read back through the teachings of this past week. Tantra, directly translated, means "web" or "loom". And the Tantric path teaches us that we are all part of a web, woven together....because the one decided to become many, so we may be different but we are all the same. Energy cannot die, but only transform, and it cannot leave - it can only be continually woven into the web of life. And so, my lesson for today is that I am held, even in my aloneness, by all of the energies of the world which are woven together. And my Dads energy is a part of that. My mom, my friends scattered around the globe, all of my loved ones...they are a part of that. So, I'm taking an extra long savasana now that I've finished this blog, and I'm opening up to being held by each and every one of you, and I will take this comfort with me throughout my day. Hari Om.

The "fear" posture for today was this tripod/forearm fusion headstand. I gotta admit, I feel super feel power in it!

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