Boat Trip.

Dad and Me on the Sea

I got a bit sentimental and found the photos from the last boat trip I took with Dad. What an amazing day!

Bindi Girl

The bindi. At first I wasn't sure what it meant, and just like everything in India- it depends on who you ask. "Which way to the beach?" And you'll get a hundred completely different responses. "How do you say Thank You?", and you'll be told 12 different ways. The infamous Indian head wobble really sums it up, because the wobble could mean yes, no, maybe, perhaps, or "go F yourself". Ah, Indian. Love it. So, sama sama with the Bindi. It could mean your married, that you visited the temple, that youre hindu or it could represent your third eye. But alas, I was told that in the end it doesn't matter, because it is a cultural thing and everyone wears them now. Jess put a crystal one on my forehead yesterday, and I received endless compliments about how beautiful it was, and how it made my eyes sparkle. I was told by a local woman that mostly tourists wear the crystal ones, but that they were beautiful none-the-less. Then Giddya, the older woman at Whispering Lakes, gave me one of her Bindis, which is much more traditional and worn by local (mostly married) women. It's a red felt dot, and since putting it on- ALL of the Indian men and women have given me bright smiles and have told me how beautiful I look. They really appreciate the local flair, and I quite like the decoration- so I think that Bindis have become a new staple in my attire. I think I'll even keep the trend going upon my arrival back home....

Cailin Callahan

www.cailincallahan.blogspot.com

Exam Day and Caffeine.

Yesterday was a great day. Fridays are "exam" days and Teacher Practice (where we guide our partner through a flow). I felt good about both, and finally am feeling a tad less overwhelmed...feeling like the information and long days are finally a good rhythm. It was a rough morning on the mat, with lots of tears after some powerful pranayama and long hatha yoga holds, but again- it was cleansing, and it's better to get that shit out than to keep it in. My friend Jess was across the room, but I felt her when I was in child's pose, crying my eyes out. Sure enough, she was sending me some love. I'm so grateful for her and Bogey, they really have become a family to me these past two weeks. No matter how sad, overwhelmed or exhausted I am, I know that I have their support and love- and when you're this stripped down and vulnerable, well- lets just say I'm beyond grateful. Jess's son Maben arrived with his father today (they've been done in south goa), so they did their thing and Bogey and I did ours. We actually went to the dark side and enjoyed cappuccinos at the fancy Italian place in town....indulging our exhaustion with the forbidden nectar ;) As per usual, the conversation was far more energizing than the coffee...and we didn't get an ounce of studying done for the exam, but instead examined our own life's, journeys, joys and challenges. After the exam and teaching practice, we ended with an Osho meditation : 45minutes of dancing (half shaking and bouncing and half free style dance), and after working up a ton of prana and heaps of sweat, we had a long savasana- just lying on our backs, feeling the joy and excitement of being alive. After scrubbing several layers of dirt off my body, Bogey and I indulged in an array of Indian dishes, including aloo gobi (cauliflower, potatoes, peas) and palak paneer (spinach and cheese), and soaked up the spicy and delicious sauces with baskets of fresh naan, washing it all down with some fresh juice (and obviously great conversation). Early to bed because the next day, my only day off, was early to rise- for a boat ride and some dolphins. Yeeeeww....

Cailin Callahan

www.cailincallahan.blogspot.com

Music and My Mamacitas in Mandrem.

We headed to Manderem, to a restaurant Mandala, for some Indian music tonight. It was GREAT to get out of town for a bit and treat ourselves to a nice dinner. The training has been quite intense and a bit stressful (but amazing), so a night out with my two ladies was awesome. Yay for a much needed break!

Chanting

I never thought that I'd be into chanting, but I really love it. It's a great way to practice Bhakti (devotion). I've been dedicating the love that I'm cultivating through chanting to heal my Mom. I hope she's feeling it. Last night 35 of us headed down to the beach and sang from our hearts until the sunset. Afterwards I headed into Arambol with my friend and teacher Safah for a much needed break, some PIZZA, conversation, and astrology. Safah did my astrological chart, which, cool enough, was pretty much spot on with the numerology id gotten done the day before. Life is beautiful friends, sing it out!

Energy Work with Safah

One of the things that I was told during my numerology reading is that I tend to be good at everything (who doesn't know that?! Haha), so my downfall will be if I try *to do* everything (which I have been). Neil (my numerologist) told me that I will be super successful if I pick just one avenue and give it all of the attention that I've been spreading all around. So, the path is obvious : yoga (asana, meditation, pranayama, healing - which includes bodywork). This summer I will play the occasional gig and still cook once a week for Jim and Eileen, but other than that my full attention will be yoga (and bodywork). My upcoming months here will be consumed with trainings, workshops and diving deep into my chosen field. Apparently I'm quite intuitive and good at "feeling" energy (or so said my energy/pranayama teacher Safah). Last night was the coolest night yet...we did energy healing work. We learned how to "clean" a space (ie your living space or yoga studio between classes), how to scan someone's energy, and how to check in on the energy of those that we love....even if they are far away (Mom, I did a healing meditation for you and apparently your energy was much more vibrant afterwards...I hope you felt it!!). We also learned how to scan a room even if we aren't in it. I did a rough sketch of my room, closed my eyes, told the universe that I wanted to know where the negative energy was in my room and then I felt for it. My hand got hot over the area where the bathroom is. I asked Safah if she wouldn't mind scanning for me (not telling her my result) and she quickly responded with "the bathroom". The way to clear the energy, you ask? Burning sage (preferably) because it absorbs negative energy, therefore destroying it- or second best is sandalwood incense. Last night she scanned bogeys chakras and put him back into alignment. Pretty cool stuff, and I know it sounds crazy- and to see it isn't necessarily to believe it- but when YOU*FEEL* it, it's pretty outstanding. Pow! Loving life.

Updates and Study Dates....

So....I'm a bit behind. Saturday, after an epic beach day and hang out with my two favorites, Jess and Bogey, I headed home to do some "chores". Laundry, clean up my room, the essentials. Then I met Bogey and some of the crew down at the beach for the drum circle sunset dance madness. There were hippies everywhere. People were meditating, people were getting high, there was naked babies and fire throwers and all sorts of madness. Bogey was busting some moves and then once I started to feel the rhythm I headed to the front of the dance circle to dance WITH the drums. It didn't take long for me to be totally enveloped in the beat and totally saturated in sweat, amidst the stench of dirty hippy BO and some interestingly clad backpackers. It was early to bed because I was still sick and had an gnarly fever. I only got a short bit of sleep (due to an evil cough) and then we had a "self practice" on Sunday morning. Basically we flowed through the Ashtanga Primary Series on our own, followed by pranayama and meditation, as the teachers walked around to critique and assist. I love that they encourage a personal practice, and I love that the practice is 2 1/2 hours. Sundays schedule was a bit more laid back than the rest of the week, and we were all grateful for that. This training is amazing, but goddamn it is exhausting. Not only are you processing all of the information, but a lot of personal emotions are coming up as well with all of this work we are doing, so you have to work through all of your own shit in addition to the intense curriculum. Anywho, the highlight was Sunday nights class. Rory led a "hatha" class. I've always thought that hatha was easy, beginners yoga. This was like a yin class, but with this you held standing postures!! Tadasana and triangle for 5 minutes each?! Uttanasana for 5 minutes is a powerful experience. Holy mackerel. Rory helped us to ride the energy instead of resisting it and it resulted in a life changing class. That's been the most exciting revelation that I've had yet at this training...energy. Learning how to recognize it, move it, manipulate it, get rid of it, move it higher and channel it. It's super amazing.

Jess, Bogey and I have become a trio. Our energies just click and the company is great. We enjoyed a long lunch yesterday...had a swim, some healthy food and some thought-provoking conversations about all of our recent lectures. We also had dinner together and studied Sanskrit, the yamas and niyamas, and the primary series. Tonight bogey and I met up with someone else from class for some study and dinner sess, and now I'm heading back for some much needed sleep. I had a numerology session today that was life changing, but that'll get a proper blog when the time is right. Hope that everyone is happy and healthy....

Hokusai says Look carefully.

Hokusai says Look carefully.

He says pay attention, notice.

He says keep looking, stay curious.

He says there is no end to seeing.

He says Look Forward to getting old.

He says keep changing, you just get more who you really are.

He says get stuck, accept it, repeat yourself as long as it's interesting.

He says keep doing what you love.

He says keep praying.

He says every one of us is a child, every one of us is ancient, every one of us has a body.

He says every one of us is frightened.

He says every one of us has to find a way to live with fear.

He says everything is alive –shells, buildings, people, fish,mountains, trees.

Wood is alive.

Water is alive.

Everything has its own life.

Everything lives inside us.

He says live with the world inside you.

He says it doesn't matter if you draw, or write books.

It doesn't matter if you saw wood, or catch fish.

It doesn't matter if you sit at home and stare at the ants on your verandah

or the shadows of the trees and grasses in your garden.

It matters that you care.

It matters that you feel.

It matters that you notice.

It matters that life lives through you.

Contentment is Life living through you.

Joy is life living through you.

Satisfaction and strength is life living through you.

Peace is life living through you.

He says don't be afraid.

Don't be afraid.

Look, feel, let life take you by the hand.

Let life live through you.


Thanks for sharing Ro-Bare <3




Cailin Callahan
www.cailincallahan.blogspot.com

Epic Cry, Epic Cleanse.

What a wild journey that it continues to be....

Last night was a bit rough. I skipped out on the group dinner and outing to play music with my teacher Sequioa and some of her (hippy) friends. It turned out to be an epic fail, with no guitars showing up and no food ever being made. The venture home was quite an adventure, because it is DARK here, even with a flashlight. I was exhausted and hungry, a touch frustrated and running a fever because I've been sick for well over a week now. I decided to try the Internet again (id already tried 3x earlier in the day!) and went to a popular touristy restaurant. Unfortunately my favorite local eating spots don't offer wifi haha. I haven't eaten any meat in quite a while, but I was feeling pretty fatigued and thought that maybe my body could use some protein, so I ordered chicken. Another epic fail...one bite and I knew it was off so I didn't eat anymore. Well, on the walk home that one bite punched me in the stomach and I had to dash into the bushes for...:some business. Ugh.

Home, tired, sick - asleep. Woke up this morning and did my Kriya of breath work (pranayama) and meditation. Since its Saturday there is no classes but we all were to have breakfast at the Blue Pyramid which is a bit of a walk down the beach. I sat next to Jessica (one of the most magical gentle beings here) and Piyush (the one who has my dads eyes and who says "god bless ya"). I should have known that my body strategically placed me next to these two beings, because I needed them. Feeling tired, run down and sick - I was already on the edge. And then I finally told Piyush about the parallels between him and my Dad, and of course I shed a few tears. And the tears never quite stopped. They were on and off as Piyush and I talked and hugged, and then after breakfast Jessica asked if it was alright for her to sit behind me. I thought that she was asking to sit behind me so that she could talk with the PEOPLE behind me, but she literally meant right behind me. She put her hands on my shoulders, and it was so comforting that I closed my eyes. She continued to move energy that was stuck in my body and in my chakras and that opened me up to feeling and releasing a lot of the pain that I keep trying to push down- because let's face it- who wants to cry in front of a group of strangers, in India, and have snot running down their face?! But Jessica knew what I needed, so she continued- and then held space for my sadness as she literally held me....and I cried for about an hour. It was more of a sob than a cry, but her, Piyush and Bogey held the space for me to just let it out. I would get self conscious at times and try to stop crying, but just a touch of Jessica's hand on my back and her encouragement to fully feel and release was what I needed to continue crying. It was exhausting, but necessary. Afterwards we had a swim in the sea and then lounged on the beach, soaking up some vitamin d, talking about IMPORTANT things, and of course we picked some oracle cards! I brought along my "spirit guides" deck and we picked cards for the past, present and future. They were spot on! My present was a mouse, and my future was the tiger ;) After sun and cards we enjoyed some lunch and quiet time- and this Saturday has been exactly what my soul has needed. The mouse card read that sometimes people need things or have stuff going on that you don't see from the outside ... So THANK YOU to Jessica for seeing past my exterior to what was really going on, and to encourage the healing process. So grateful today. Sometimes an epic cry is exactly what you need for an epic cleanse.

Teachers' Teacher.

So the training is intense and amazing. I realize with each day that passes that I know less and less, about yoga and life- and that's amazing. What I know about yoga is just the itty bitty bit of the tip of the iceberg, which is exciting and humbling. I hope to be a student for the rest of my life, particularly under the tutelage of teachers like Rory.

I'm glad that this training has multiple teachers...there's always one or two teachers that really resonate with you, and others that will resonate with another. A certain flavor, you could say. Rory is an ashtanga teacher from Scotland, though he has lived and taugh in Southeast Asia and around the world for years. He is definitely a teachers teacher, and his enthusiasm and love for the whole of yoga is contagious. His adjustments are strong and specific and spot on. His knowledge is deep and humble and vast.

My other favorite teacher is Sequoia. She's a crazy hippy lady who marches to the beat of her own magical drum. She teaches pranayama and meditation, and when you ask her where she's from she says "from the sun". When we are sleepy in class she makes us get up, dance like crazy and shake everything, even "shake your genitals". She's the exact opposite of Rory, and therefore the best compliment to his teachings (and his to hers). Tomorrow I give the morning reading, so wish me luck...

Local Food Love.

We are fed breakfast at the Whispering Lakes where we are training. It's.....okay. I could make it better. One thing that I hate about most vegan food is that it has NO flavor, which is bullshit. Just because its healthy doesnt mean that it has to be bland. The kitchurri was an epic fail yesterday (a dal and brown rice mixture that has great potential for deliciousness), so this morning I got the porridge. Well I ate the bananas and the dates, but the porridge was nearly inedible. There wasn't any seasoning. It needed cinnamon, and cardamom, and a few other things. So, I'm not really eating any other meals here (breakfast is included so I won't say no), and also- I don't want to eat vegan now- I want to eat local. So...for lunch I went to my new daily lunch spot : Vailankali. I ate the local fish and curry and had two cups of chai. My friends Rey and Valaia joined me and had the same, and the price for all of us was 310 rupees which amounted to $5.85. Boom. Loving the local grub.

Jazzie.

Today we did some partner work, and Jasmine was my partner. She's from Indiana but has lived in South Korea for the past 5 years. We had a bunch of laughs as we flowed through sun salutations. Good times in the yoga Shala.

Food in the Motherland.

Arambol, as well as all of Goa, is quite busy and touristy. The beaches are chock full of restaurants, but they are all tourist food with tourist prices. I did some exploring by myself the other day and stumbled upon a random place, a bit off the beach, and I saw a dozen Indians eating there. I decided to go there too. I ordered "what they have", and got an awesome Indian rice and curry for 90rs and my chai was 25rs. 55rs = $1usd. So I had lunch for just over $2. Today I had chai, fruit salad, and spicy vegetable soup for lunch. There's 30 of us in the training, and after being with them from 5:30am on I am ready for a solo lunch and some quiet time. I love the little local man who is the waiter there, I love the cheap prices, and I love the authentic feel. There's some good vegan food at our place, but local is what I crave.

Tears. Training. Transitions.

So, training has begun, and I can tell you already that blogs will be at an all time low. Because this 200hr is an intensive, our days are 13 hours long, 6 days a week, Saturday being our only day off. I am exhausted already and it's only just begun. Last night I was sound asleep by 8:30pm, and my morning started when my alarm went off at 5:30 this morning. 

It was an emotional day when I arrived. Anytime I'm making a major transition and disrupting my routine, I find that all the emotions I've pushed down - come up. I cried about my Dad a lot while I was on my flights, waiting on my layover, and in the taxi on the way here. I settled into Whispering Lakes in Arambol, Goa-- and I just wasn't "feeling it". But all of that disappeared once the opening ceremony began...

I'm a firm believer in signs, that is how I ended up doing this training afterall. When I walked into the Shala, the wall hanging was the same that we have in both of our Zen Den studios, the one of Ganesh. In front of our seats were a little stack of books for each of us: our manual, a notebook, and an OSHO book. I started crying. So lame, I know, but of all the books, of all the yogis, they gave us Osho...who has influenced my life, my practice, my teaching an my relationships more than anyone I've encountered. And then the third and most powerful sign, Piyush. He's one of the teachers assisting Rory and Scarlette (the head teachers). Piyush is Indian, from London, and is probably in his late 40s/early 50s. He is handsome with the most kind face and demeanor, and he has my Dads eyes. His eyes are brown, not baby blue, but he has that same sparkle in his eyes that I haven't seen in anyone aside from my Dad. It's a magical sparkle, and again- instantly brought me to tears. And then the real kicker....when it was his turn to introduce himself, he ended his intro with a big smile and a "GOD BLESS YA". I went to sleep last night knowing that despite any feelings of hesitation that I was having that THIS was exactly where I needed to be. 

So, my blogs won't be daily as they usually are. I will try to keep up a little blog diary on my notebook and then post the little tidbits at the end of every week, but I'm not making any promises. I'm looking forward to the challenging weeks ahead, so wish me luck. 

Cailin Callahan

www.cailincallahan.blogspot.com