Cruel.

Anthropologie: do you exist just to torture me? Because despite your cruel, cruel ways...I will love you forever. No job now- yet I'm debating how much the devil will offer me for my soul so that I can afford some of your super sassy new styles...

Panzanella Bread Salad

This salad makes me happy. Super duper happy. Like, smile-from-ear-to-ear kinda happy. I first had it in Seattle at Erins house...Gordon whipped it up in about 2 minutes!! I don't remember the exact recipe that he used, but this is my spin on it (and I encourage you to put your own twist on it too...add tomatoes, peppers, artichokes... whatever!). This is a traditional Italian recipe, used to finish up a loaf of day-old bread.

Ingredients:
- bread with thick crust
- romaine lettuce
- 12 scallions
- EV Olive Oil
- good quality Balsamic Vinegar
- salt and pepper

I cut the bread into 1 1/2" slices. I figure on one slice of bread for each person (5ppl, 5slices). You're supposed to grill the bread and scallions, but im lazy so I just drizzles them with olive oil, dusting of salt and pepp, then put them under the broiler in the oven (turning once). Also, since I didn't grill- I added a sprinkling of smoked paprika to the bread. (If a grill is easily accessible, I recommend using it!). The bread only needs a minute on each side, and the scallions will take about 2 on each side. Dice the bread up into large bite sized pieces. It's going to seem like the romaine and bread are equal parts...this is good. Then throw on the grilled scallions, that have been chopped into large bits. Drizzle with a good amount of EV olive oil and balsamic, dash of salt and pepper. Let it sit for about 15minutes before you eat it, so that the bread gets to soak up all of the yumminess. Like I said- make this your own! I'm a whore for kalamata olives, so ofcourse I added a huge handful to this salad before serving!! ENJOY! this salad is EPIC.

BBQ Cabbage

We have been harvesting a good amount of cabbages lately. We actually manage to go through them rather quickly...my mom is obsessed with making herself spicy asian cabbage salads, and my dad puts heaps of it every morning into his daily juice. But, we had two extra heads laying around so I scoured the web for a yummy cabbage recipe! Of course I came across an epic (but not so healthy) recipe of Paula Deens. We eat super healthy around here, and God-love-him my hunting, meat-and-potatoes father has been eating a mainly vegetarian diet for 2 years now. SO: every once and a while you need to sneak in a Paul Deen recipe! I edited the recipe as I went, leaving out some of this, adding some of that, and making my own sugar-free BBQ sauce. Here ya have it, my final adaptation to PD's BBQ Cabbage:

Ingredients:
- 5 slices bacon
- 1 cup chopped onion
- 2 medium green cabbage
- 1/2 cup BBQ sauce (plus extra for dipping!)
- salt, pepper, garlic powder

Directions:
1- parboil the cabbage 25 minutes (parboil is a fancy term for boiling ahead of time- in preparation)
2- cook bacon til crisp. Remove from pan, dice and then return to pan.
3- add diced onions to pan with bacon and sautee. Drain, but keep the bacon drippings
4- core the cabbages (kind of like hollowing out a pumpkin)
5- fill the hollow part of cabbage with BBQ sauce
6- brush cabbage with bacon drippings
7- crumble aluminum foil into a ring and place on grill so that cabbage won't fall over during grilling.
8- cook 25minutes
9- quarter the cabbage, top with more BBQ sauce along with sautéed bacon and onions

You can make this vegan by leaving out the bacon, just brushing the cabbage with olive oil and topping with sautéed onions only.

EasyPeezyPIES

I have two summer pie recipes for you-- a new approach to blueberry pie (thanks to Cindy Leatherwood) and a traditional Key Lime pie!!

Blueberry Pie:
- 2 pints blueberries
- 3/4 cup water
- zest and juice of 1/2 lemon
- 2 1/2 tablespoons corn starch
- 1 teaspoon cinnamon
- agave nectar, to taste (bout 3tablespoons)
A ready-made graham cracker crust

Add all of the ingredients into a skillet, over medium heat. Let it cook down a bit and get a bit "soupy". Then pore it into a graham cracker crust and let cool! Voila! EasyPeezy, eh? I find that if you bake the crust on 350 for 10minutes if gives the crust a bit more sturdiness.

Second on the list is my favorite, Key Lime Pie...

Key Lime Pie:
- 2/3 cup key lime juice
- zest of 1/2 a lime
- one 14oz can Sweetened Condensed Milk
- 5 egg yolks
A ready made Graham cracker crust

Mix all of the ingredients and pour into crust. Add some more zest to the top. Place in an oven that has been preheated to 375 for 20minutes.

All in a days work...

A Little Prayer...

A little prayer, goes a long way. So although you have a lot on your plates, I'm asking that you add a fellow friends husband to the list.

The world wide web makes the world a very small place. My life is an open book between the blog and Facebook, there are many people that I don't even know who follow along with my life. Nicole shares many friends in common with me, and via Facebook we have connected-- and she's followed along with the highs and lows of this past year. Tonite she reached out via FB offering support and prayers for my father, my family and I...and she also offered to help out with my morning beach yoga classes if necessary (she is an instructor as well-- and has studied under BARON BAPTISTE!). In the email she shared that her family is fighting a similar battle- her husband has stage 4 lung cancer. Suffering is never easy-- LIFE isn't easy-- but when you have people who love and support you on your side -it all seems alright. Ram Dass once said that life is so scary, the only way to get through it is by holding hands. So thank you Nicole for sharing your love and prayers...it's good to have people on "the team", and know that you now have a friend and prayer in us.

Love Love and Some More Love.

We are so freakin' loved, it's amazing. I do believe that alot of what you put out, you get back in return - and we have just been overwhelmed with kind gestures (these past two years)! Here is just the week in review:

Martha McGowan and Eileen Bourgeious did the Relay for Life on Friday June 25th. They dedicated a Luminaria to my DAD...please read the paragraph below:

"One important aspect of the American Cancer Society Relay For Life is the opportunity for people to come together to remember loved ones lost to cancer and honor those who have won their battle. One of the most moving parts of the event is the Luminaria Ceremony.

As the sun sets over campsites and darkness falls, the night is brightened by the glow of illuminated bags called luminaria, each bearing the name of someone who has battled cancer. Some celebrate cancer survivors, while others help us honor and remember those gone too soon. All represent someone special who has been profoundly affected by cancer and the family and friends who continue to fight back in their honor."

Michelle's adorable daughter Sophie drew me some pictures to cheer me up and speed up my recovery....

We've been bombarded my boxes of my Dad's favorite MUST HAVE cereal, Kashi Go-Lean Crunch! Thanks to: Billy Herr, Lori King and Sarah Rohrman.

Cindy Leatherwood stopped over with an epic blueberry pie and some books!

thanks everyone...we feel the love!!

"May there always be work for your hands to do, may your purse always hold a coin or two. May the sun always shine on your windowpane, may a rainbow be certain to follow each rain. May the hand of a friend always be near you, may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you."
- Irish Blessing

Broken Bialetti :(

For all of my fellow Bialetti-Lovers out there...don't forget about MAINTENANCE! Bialetti's are like a fine motor vehicle...a Rolls Royce of coffee makers. They require love and attention, and regular maintenance. They cannot be washed with soap and water and they must be thoroughly rinsed after each brewing session. Also, about every six months the rubber gasket should be replaced (I haven't replaced mine in almost 5 years!!!). You see, most people think that the Fabulous Bialetti has only 3 parts-- but really it has 5 (as you can see from the photos). The rubber gasket is supposed to be smooth and white, connecting and sealing the filter into the top part of the coffee contraption. In my injured delirium, after pouring my espresso, I put the Bialetti back on the hot burner...and walked away! Twenty minutes later my mom said, "Cailin, do you think your coffee is done?"...SHIT! After it cooked down I opened it up and the gasket was pretty much melted to death. Just like my busted knee sparking growth- it took a melted gasket for me to FINALLY order some replacements!! Unfortunately my larger 9-cup Bialetti started to bite the dust this same week-- the handle breaking clear off! Now I have to handle it with oven mitts!!

So- a word of advice to all of you stovetop espresso fanatics: order some replacement gaskets! They are only about $1.99 to replace. And one more thing... to extend the quality and life of your gasket (as well as percolating a SMOOTH espresso as opposed to an acidic one), make sure that the stove is on a Med to MediumHigh- NOT HIGHER. You damage the gasket and you rush the percolation process which makes for a shitty cup of coffee.

Summer Yoga Schedule..

Michelle!!!

Not to worry....summer yoga will continue-- and I do apologize for the interruption! Here's how it will go:

This SUNDAY July 3rd is ON! My beautiful friend Michelle will be teaching this class for me, so you don't want to miss this treat- Michelle is a fantastic teacher!

Tuesday July 5th: class is CANCELLED.
(Dad has an important DRs appt and MRI in Philly so everyone say a prayer)

<Wed July 6th: I meet with the Ortho to discuss my knee...>

Thursday July 7th: class is CANCELLED.

SUNDAY JULY 10th, classes will resume as scheduled!

iMantra

There are some really amazing (free) meditation, pranayama and yoga apps on my iPhone. One of my latest favorites is called "iMantra". iMantra is an app for the iPhone and iTouch that can help you learn new mantras, practice mantras, and calm your mind, body and thoughts. It is really helpful by categorizing the mantras by TYPES {Buddhist, Kundalini, Hindu, Hindu-Kabir, Universal, Planetary, Personal, and Krishna Das}. It then gives you a description of each mantra and the purpose for which it is used. You then pick how many malas you'd like to repeat it (a mala is the prayer beads, which contain 108 beads).

I have been starting my mornings a Kundalini mantra, Ra Ma Da Sa, Sa Say So Hung. Of this mantra it says....

"Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung is one of the most powerful mantras known and is extraordinarily effective in dealing with health challenges. It is powerful. It is universal. It works on many levels; the mental, spiritual, emotional and physical. Ra Ma Da Sa Sa Say So Hung is called the Shushmana Mantra. It contains eight sounds that stimulate the Kundalini to flow in the central channel of the spine and in the spiritual centers. This sound balances the fives zones of the left and right hemisphere of the brain to activate the neutral mind. As this happens, the hypothalamus pulsates in rhythm with the divine gland, causing the pituitary master gland to tune the entire glandular system. A consistent listening or chanting practice becomes impressive enough to permeate the subconscious, which in turn automatically influences the conscious mind. Ra Ma Da Sa is like a rare diamond, which connects you with the pure healing energy of the universe."

They have mantras for everything under the sun, so check it out if you are interested! It's a great gateway into a regular meditation practice. <3 Namaste.

Comfort, Growth and Changing Paths.

Hurting my knee has really interrupted my summer flow: particularly my two main forms of income, waitressing and yoga. But in addition to that there are many small things which are disrupted, that you don't know are important until they are no longer possible: helping to care for my dad, driving (yes, I hurt my RIGHT knee), my approaching 40 day spiritual and physical cleanse, cooking, and so much more. Small things have become difficult, and my outgoing, energetic soul is taking quite a while to adapt the new way of life...which is basic, basic, basic. I met with Dr. Thomas Barrett, my Orthopedic the other day. He said that even if it is a strain and not a tear that it will be about 6 weeks before I'm back in action with full use of my knee. Until we get the MRI (which is on Saturday) we won't know exactly what's going on - so in the meantime I am to rest up, take it EASY, ice, and elevate. For those of you who know me - this is not easy. Perhaps if I was on my 8 month holiday and there were no waves...but my body and mind are programmed to work nonstop between the months of June and October. I have been having mini-panic attacks multiple times throughout the past few days. I've been stressed with thoughts about not being about to help my Dad, the fact that my mother needs to now care for me, and of course -- money!! I get to play for 8 months because of these few months of extremely hard work, organization and dedication. What will I do when the time comes to set sail again?

I have been a waitress at Mildred's for SEVEN years now! I always wondered what would be the event in my life that would spark me leaving -- I was sure that it would only be when I decided not to return to Jersey, opting instead to live somewhere abroad. Yes, it is a miserable and hectic place to work - but it's an evil that I know inside and out...and I make very good money there, and even better than that are the great hours. Last year I started to question myself :

"Am I compromising who I am as a person by working for someone who I don't respect? A place filled with those who have their morals ass-backwards...a place that when I leave has changed me, and not for the better?" But then I would talk myself out of it, saying that it's just a job - everyone needs to survive, and it allows me to live the beautiful life that I lead. I just turn a blind eye to all of the nonsense, stick my head down, do my job (and do it WELL, might I add) and then be on my way. Though this injury is going to keep me from doing the Baron Baptiste "40 Days to Personal Revolution" program, I still have been reading the book - and I have taken a lot from it, particularly concerning my bad habit of being a creature of habit....

"The comfort zone may feel cozy and familiar, but it is like sweet poison, silently killing off our childlike spontaneity and our vitality. When we choose our comfort zone over growth we get stuck or worse, because ultimately we are either awakening and growing or numbing out and spiraling downward. Life is never static - we either grow or die. ... So many of us who rather cling to the familiar than risk the unknown. The past is familiar, something we can hold on to, while the future is completely uncharted and feels groundless. But we must venture forward in order to grow. ...We veer away from taking that journey inward and therefore out of our comfort zone, not realizing that the way out is in." -- Baron Baptiste

I am taking this injury as a total blessing in disguise. Though it pains me to be unable to help my mom and dad during this difficult time, this was necessary. Without this I would never be free of that restaurant. I have bitched and I have moaned, but deep down I know that I would never quit...it was too comfortable. The other day when I called to tell my boss about my injury, her reply was "Real nice Cailin, I can't believe that you're doing this to me on the week of the 4th!!! I mean, really!?!? Looks like I'm just going to have to hire someone new to work your shifts, and you can kiss your schedule goodbye". There was no sympathy and no inquiry about my health or that my of my father...a toxic place is finally a part of my past, and I have my torn or strained meniscus to thank. I needed this kind of response to solidify my departure and be happy about it. Instead of stressing about money and work - my focus is now spent on my family and on finding out where I want to take my life -- what do I want from life, and what do I want my purpose to be in the world. "When we relax in the face of stress, a power greater than ourselves can act through us. At any given moment, the compassionate, frictionless flow of the universe wants to help us, if only we will allow it. (baron baptiste)" Years ago when I dropped out of highschool because of excessive bullying - I thought that life as I knew it was over. I was devastated. Well, I graduated from University years ahead of my time, and have since been trekking the globe. That "bad" life event sparked the amazing lifestyle I lead now, and I wouldn't change a thing. So despite my fear, frustration and pain - I am trying to keep an open mind to a new path. I think that this is going to be a changing point in my life, I'm ready to receive.

So the next time your life seems to be falling apart and you find yourself asking "Why Me?", know that THIS is your opportunity to change things around, to take a new path. Even if you think it's too late to change your situation.....

There's a Turkish proverb that says :

"No matter how far you have gone down a wrong road,

turn back."

Glue.

glue

noun /glo͞o/  glues, plural An adhesive substance used for sticking objects or materials together Doreen Callahan

We are a pretty tight-knit family, thick as thieves, but I promise you that the person behind us all is my mother. She is the glue that holds it together. Aside from having a brain tumor, my dad has had one major illness or procedure every other year since I was born {kidney stones, herniated discs, fractured skull, torn rotator cuff, etc. etc.}, and my mother has always been his nurse. My mom has always handled the bills for the house, the grocery shopping, among hundreds of other odds and ends that consist of owning a home and having a family. She was my personal chauffeur when I was a kid, and was constantly busy entertaining me {as well as my friends and neighborhood kids}. She never missed a school play, a piano recital, stage band concert, t-ball game, basketball game, volleyball game, field hockey game, spelling bee, student government event or surfing competition. The only problems that her and I have ever had have honestly been a result of her loving me TOO much, which is pretty alright considering the alternative...

She wakes up at 6am, gives my dad his medicine, and then tucks him back in. She comes downstairs and slices up his huge bowl of vegetables for his morning and afternoon juice. She sets out a coffee cup for him, with a spoon and agave nectar. She puts his morning supplements into a dish along with a note telling him the date, the time of the high tide, along with some reminders about what lies ahead for the day. Then she works her ass off, ALL DAY, grooming dogs - only stopping to check on my dad, give him supplements or antibiotics or help him get a meal together for himself. Her time off inbetween dogs is spent researching things about nutrition considering brain tumors, talking to doctors or nurses, or taking care of health insurance nonsense. Then she makes us an epic, super healthy and delicious dinner.

I haven't been working too much since I've been back -- not like in years past. I was a bit pissed about how my schedule worked out at the restaurant at first, but now I feel it's a blessing. I felt like it all worked out as it should so that I could spend more time with my family and I'd be able to be home and help out around the house and with my Dad. Taking him out on the boat, making his juice in the morning, making him breakfast, and keeping the house tidy. Well - after an amazing morning I went out for a surf and seriously fucked up my knee. I have a full leg brace and crutches - and now my mom is nurse not only for my father, but for me as well. She had to help me in and out of the bathtub, up the stairs, and has been delivering me beverages and food. I'm devastated - I'm hoping that this is a strain and not a tear in my ligament...no work, unable to help around the house, and just adding to my mothers "to do" list. My dad and I keep apologizing for needing help...I finally understand how he feels. You want to do things by yourself - you want to ask the least amount as possible from those that you love - but sometimes you just need to accept it. And my mom is not complaining - she actually yelled at both of us tonight for apologizing. I don't know if any of you have ever been put in your place by my mother - but that woman is NO JOKE and when she tells you to do something, you don't disagree with her.

What I'm trying to say with all of this is that the ship would be sinking without my momma. She stays tough for my Dad and I when we are weak - and even though she's scared and upset, you would never know it - because right now she's holding all of us on her back. And this very moment, she is LITERALLY carrying me on her back. Thanks Mom for being the glue that keeps us together, we'd be lost without you. I love you.

Burdeath

Beautiful evening at Buschs, amazing morning on the beach for Intro to Yoga, and then one awesome wave in Strathmere before it happened... I waited it out in the ocean for about 30minutes, but the pain was becoming more and more intense. I hobbled back to the car, drove home hysterically crying (and using my left foot), crawled through the door and yelled for my momma. I don't care how old you are- when you are sick or injured, you want your mother (or atleast I do). She threw me in the truck and now here we are at Burdeath. Oh, excuse me...Burdette Hospital. Shoot me.

Good times at Busch's last night!! Thanks to everybody who came out in support of yummy cocktails and delicious tunes...

Janice & Jer

I know alot of people, from alot of places. I know alot of talented people, intelligent people, and boring people. I know some great people and some not-so-great people. And then I know people like Janice and Jer-- the BEST kind of people...

Janice is SASSY. Sharp-witted and a sharp dresser, there's no bullshit and an authenticity that I admire. She's great if you need to laugh with someone, or if you're in need of a good cry.

Jer is the ultimate ball buster, who gives great heart felt hugs...somewhat of an oxymoron but alot of Jer is that way. He can dress up snazzy and take his woman out on the town, and then the next day slap on some Carhartts to go out and sheer their alpacas (yes, they are proud alpaca owners). He's a trash talker like myself- riding me endlessly about my ("ridiculous, obscene") obsession with Twilight, but I know that the teasing only comes from love.

Janice and Jer are the type of people that you could have an hour long conversation with about cream, or good salt, or the preparation of pork belly. Actually, that's one of the things that I love most of all about these special people, is their mutual love for food: buying it, preparing it, the quality of it, where it came from, nice restaurants with proper service and simply put: good food done right. It's rare that I meet foodies and individuals that care for food like I do, so it's extra special when I come across some amazing people that love, respect, honor and (somewhat obsess) over it like this gal.

Both Janice and Jer share a passion for books and music, and if you're ever in need of a recommendation- these are the two to ask. Also- did I mention that these two are some of the most thoughtful individuals that I've ever met...?!? Yesterday I opened my email and I had a message from Jer, with the new BON IVER album attached!! I almost fell out of my seat. I <3 Bon Iver, and after a rough morning (Dads a bit out of it from Chemo), it was just what I needed to perk up my day. Sometimes a kind email and some good tunes is just what the doctor ordered. Thanks Jer- I love you, and I love your equally epic beautiful bride Janice too!!!

*side note for people new to the blog: Janice and Jeremy live in Seattle. I met them 2 trips ago when I was out west visiting my best friend Julia. They are regulars at the restaurant La medusa, where Gordon and Jules work, and they are the best of friends.

Very Special Fathers Day

Another amazing year with my amazing Dad. Feeling super grateful to have had such a talented, loving, intelligent and ambitious man as my #1. Thanks for picking him mom!!!