Steve Zissou for Campari.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AVhMgrtnVyo

Dream Another Dream.

the past is something that you cant forget, shouldn't forget - but should use it as a tool to grow. sometimes this is easier said than done, and sometimes you've learned your lesson - no need for the memories any longer. lately ive found myself dreaming about and reliving the past two years of my life. its like my mind is raging a war all its own - i have no control. as soon as i close my eyes, it starts. i thought that our dreams were an extension of ourselves? well i dont want to relive these memories, damnit. i keep trying to convince my mind before i fall asleep to think other thoughts, dream other dreams. and as if the dreaming isnt enough, it keeps coming up in conversations, and making itself known through random signs here and there. i think that my mind is playing tricks on me. lesson: meditate. meditate more. lots more. train the mind. focus the mind. find a path, and stick to it.

mediafire'd BONOBO's latest album "Black Sands". while i was typing this his song {feat andreya triana} "stay the same" came on.

A night train
Midnight
Bags gathered round my feet
Possessions
Some lessened
To carry with me
Heavy and
Soothing
Like a gentle symphony

I rest my
Head right
Back upon my seat
It's hard
And cold though
The best thing for me
This train is
Movin'
But my heart is stationery

Seasons change
it won't ever be the same
I'm hopin'
I will stay the same
Reasons strange
Why we always play these games

I left it
With you
A note that was discreet
I made sure
I put it
Upon the cellar door
It's hanging, hoping
Will you read it while I weep

Last time
The last time
It flickers through me
So vivid
It rushes
From my head down to my feet
We're laughing, joking
Through to my defeat

Seasons change
It will never be the same
I'm hopin'
I wïll stay the same
Reasons strange
Why we always play these games

Don't Let Your Throat Tighten

Rumi has been around for a long time, like -- a really, really, really long time. How I missed the memo - I have no idea - but I'm glad that I finally made the discovery, even if it was several years late. I went through several books of his while I was at Kripalu and found some poems that really resonated with me. Throughout the next two months I will be posting some of my favorites, so stay tuned. Here's Rumi #1:

Don't Let Your Throat Tighten

Don't let your throat tighten
with fear. Take sips of breath
all day and night, before death
closes your mouth.

Autumn Meal @ Rochelle's

"Bread is the king of the table and all else is merely the court that surrounds the king. The countries are the soup, the meat, the vegetables, the salad but bread is king."
Louis Bromfield, American novelist (1896-1956)

the view from brad and rochelle's porch.

I love to cook...and I love to eat. I'm not sure which one I like better - they're tied. Everyone {impressed, ahem} is always asking me how I learned my way around the kitchen. Well, there are a select few to thank for that: my parents- who both love to cook, Mary Schmeltzer, and Rochelle. I'd love to expand on the knowledge I've gotten from my parents and Mary, but today we'll just focus on Ro - afterall, she's the one who cooked me dinner last night. We started with homemade chips and the most epic roasted onion dip. Then, fresh out of the oven, was some homemade bread! BAH! BREAD! MY FAVORITE! It didn't need anything - but I still dipped a few hunks of it into olive oil...and the onion dip!

There is nothing better than homemade bread...
I repeat, there is nothing better than homemade bread.

MmMmMm Roast Chicken...

For dinner we had a chicken that was roasted with lemon, garlic and thyme, along with Cauliflower and Fennel. MmMmMm. She did a white wine gravy. And just when I thought that I was so stuffed and couldn't fit in another mouthful - the Rustic Apple Crostata with a Cheddar Crust came out of the oven!


The recipe came from a Martha Stewart recipe, so after scouring the WWW I found this one, and I'm pretty sure it's spot on....

Apple Crostata with Cheddar Crust

Recipe adapted from Martha Stewart
Total time: 2 hours 45 minutes
Makes 1 11 inch crostata

Cheddar Pie Dough
1 1/4 cups flour
1 stick cold unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
1/5th cup ice water
1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese
Crust
1 disk Cheddar Pie Dough
Flour, for surface
1 large egg, lightly beaten for egg wash
Filling
2 tart apples plus 2 McIntosh apples, peeled, cored, seeded, and sliced into wedges
1/2 cup granulated sugar
2 tablespoons all purpose flour
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon ground cinnomon
1/4 cup warmed apricot preserves

Directions for Cheddar Pie Dough

1) Pulse flour and 1/2 teaspoon salt in a food processor until combined. Add butter and pulse until mixture resembles coarse meal (10 seconds). Drizzle the water evenly over the mixture.
2) Pulse until mixture just begins to hold together (dough shouldn’t be wet or sticky). If dough is too dry, add more water. Add cheese and pulse until combined.
3) Shape dough into a disk; wrap in plastic wrap. Refrigerate until chilled, 30-45 minutes.

Directions

1) Make the crust: Roll out the dough to a 13-inch round (about 1/8th inch thick) on a lightly floured service. Transfer to a parchment lined baking sheet and refrigerate for 20 minutes.
2) Make the filling: Toss together the sugar, apples, sugar, flour, lemon juice, and cinnamon.
3) Spread the filling over the dough, leaving a 1 1/2 inch border. Fold the edges to form a crust and then brush with the egg wash. Refrigerate until edges are firm, 30 minutes.
4) Preheat the oven to 375.
5) Bake the crostata until the apples are tender and the crust is golden, about 1 hour and 15 minutes. Let cool and then brush with apricot preserves. * I added the preserves into the filling before it was baked.

I'm going to make this for Thanksgiving, but I'm going to use whole wheat flour and spelt flour instead of the white, and instead of using the 1/2 cup sugar I'm going to use a 1/3 cup of agave nectar :)

Campari

I have always looked at Campari as a sophisticated drink...something that scholars and intellectuals sip on. Mary Schmeltzer {upscale, classy, Ph.D} drinks it, and the first time I tasted this refined cocktail it was surprisingly in Costa Rica!! Ha. We were at Mary's house and "everybody was doing it" - so I opted for one as well. Eh - ew - yuck. I love wine, beer and a great cocktail - but Campari and me were not on the same page. Fast forward...I've worked several parties at the Schmeltzers and I'm always very aware of the "sophisticated people" people drinking it - so last night at Rochelle's when she offered me a Campari, I decided I'd give it another go. The concoction was 1/3 fresh, homemade orange juice {geez...only Rochelle!}, 1/3 club, 1/3 Campari. I took a few sips, but apparently my taste buds have not changed too much over the past two years. I sheepishly asked to replace this cocktail with a glass of Chardonnay, and I now vow to keep my distance from this enticing, upscale red liquor.

Kripalu, here I come.

KRIPALU:

exploring the yoga of life.

Kripalu is a center for yoga and health in Western Massachusetts. I'm going for 4 days, 3 nights {Tuesday Nov. 9th to Friday Nov. 12th} with Jennifer Boyce, my great friend and former yoga student. We are participating in their Retreat & Renewal. Here is a sample day:

Thu 11/11 6:30–7:45 am Gentle and Moderate Kripalu Yoga Classes

9:00–10:30 am Listening to Your Body

Experience how to befriend your body and acquire the skill of translating body

feelings into healing messages. We will use body mindfulness and the expressive

arts to hear what our body is trying to say, and how to bring healing to the tensions

and stress that live in our body-mind.

9:00–10:30 am Grief, Loss and Renewal

The experience of loss is the most universal of human experiences, yet the process

of grief is uniquely personal. How do we receive comfort during times of deep

sorrow? Yogic philosophy teaches how to become present to each moment and

offers us a powerful model for experiencing all layers of grief.

9:00–11:00 am Guided Morning Hiking

11:00–11:50 am Untangle Your Stress

Learn and experience practical tools to utilize when stress comes up in your life.

Explore the breath, the effects of simple movements, the power of journaling, the

magic of listening, and the ability to shift your stress through high quality food.

12:00–1:00 pm Vigorous Vinyasa Yoga Class or Kripalu YogaDanceTM

2:00–3:30 pm Journaling: A Journey Within

Journaling can be a powerful tool for emotional and spiritual growth. Come explore

a variety of journaling techniques to help you connect with and nurture your

authentic self.

4:15–5:45 pm Gentle and Vigorous Kripalu Yoga Classes

4:15–6:15 pm Extended Moderate Kripalu Yoga Class (includes optional 30-minute Meditation)

7:30–8:30 pm Loving Kindness

Come experience and receive guidance in the ancient spiritual practice of loving

kindness that is so relevant for our times. There will be time after the practice for

questions and answers.

The times that they offer Yoga Classes there is a selection of about 5 different classes, all different styles and paces, that you have to choose from. Right now they are running a special, buy 2 nights and get one free! I think, if you are sharing a room, it works out to be $130/night, but that includes everything - all classes, facilities and meals!! Jennifer and I already decided to sneak out one night for some beer and french fries....two things that DEFINITELY will not be available on the premises!! Ha! So next time you want to just get away - check out Kripalu. Their grounds are AMAZING...with gorgeous trails for hiking, a lake for kayaking and canoeing...anything your Yogic heart could desire!

A bit about Kripalu:

Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health is a nonprofit educational organization dedicated to promoting the art and science of yoga to produce thriving and health in individuals and society.

For more than 30 years, Kripalu (kri-PAH-loo) has been teaching skills for optimal living through experiential education for the whole person: body, mind, and spirit. It is the largest and most established retreat center for yoga, health, and holistic living in North America.

Programs at Kripalu are led by many of the world’s most accomplished teachers in yoga, self-discovery, and holistic health and are designed to provide people with tools they can apply in their daily lives. Program topics include wellness, Ayurveda, nutrition, fitness, personal growth, relationships, meditation, spiritual practice, professional training, and much more. Yoga programs are offered for people at all levels, feature all yoga traditions and styles, and include therapeutic yoga, yogic anatomy, and trainings for teachers. Many Kripalu programs offer continuing education credits for professionals in fields such as social work, counseling, nursing, and massage and bodywork.

There are four ways to come to Kripalu:

• Take a program on a topic of interest, including yoga, health and wellness, spiritual practice, personal growth, and creativity.
• Participate in one of our health immersion programs, focused on healing chronic conditions, integrative weight loss, creating vitality in midlife, fitness, or building a yoga practice
• Experience the Kripalu Retreat & Renewal program, a customized stay for balance and rejuvenation that includes a flexible schedule of classes, outdoor activities, and personal time
• Attend one of our professional schools, offering residential training and certification in yoga and Ayurveda.

www.kripalu.org

Savory Salad

My family and I love to eat, and our passion for cooking is just as strong. It's tough having 3 chefs living under one roof...sharing one kitchen. Dad is kinda down for the count now - so the kitchen competition is down to two: Me and Mom. To keep it flowing {and to keep the peace} we divy up the dinner, who makes what. I'm usually put in charge of the salad - which is fine by me, salads are my specialty. For so many, salads are a half-assed afterthought. Some crappy romaine or iceberg, topped with some carrots and celery and then smothered in dressing. I like to model my salads after the season - as you should with every meal, cooking around ingredients that are in season {therefore full of flavor!}. It's easy in the summer and spring - I load up my greens with fresh fruits and herbs. As much as I love my grapefruit + avocado salad, it just doesn't seem right to eat during these colder months. So tonight's Autumn Savory Salad was the following:

• Spinach + Arugula
• sunflower seeds
• pepitas
• red onion {thinly sliced half moons}
• sundried tomatoes
• marinated artichoke hearts
  
• avocado
• hardboiled eggs
• proscuitto
• shaved parmesan reggiano
  *(optional additions: diced string beans + green olives)
  

The dressing was a homemade creamy balsamic vinaigrette. If you don't have the time to put one together yourself then just use a store-bought balsamic vinaigrette, touched up with a teaspoon of mustard, 1/2 teaspoon of agave and the egg yolks from the hardboiled eggs - shake vigorously. If you want to take a few extra seconds to put together a homemade dressing....

• 1/3 balsamic vinegar
• 2/3 olive oil
• juice of 1/2 a large lemon, or a full small lemon
• tablespoon of mustard
• teaspoon of agave nectar
• fresh ground pepper
• salt
• dash of dried tarragon
• dash of dried oregano
• dash of dried basil
• egg yolks from the hardboiled eggs {to make it creamier!}

Voila...enjoy! I'm going to start experimenting with squash and pumpkin salads - as well as mixing in some warm cooked greens {kale, collards, etc.}

Teacher for You, Teacher for Me.

Yesterday I took Michelle's yoga class @ NJYogaZone. It has been very difficult for me to leave my house, let alone get my ass to yoga. Overwhelmingly difficult. I was hoping that my jaunt in Ojai at the Crib would reinspire me, give my yoga practice the UMPH it needed. I studied under some of the most famous instructors in the industry: Noah Maze + Jason Crandell. Yoga ROCKSTARS. Their classes were great and super informative, definitely helping me to become a better teacher - but for some reason their classes didn't really resonate with me {spiritually}. Why? I don't know. I went with the expectation that I was going to be experiencing the best class of my entire existence {again - expectations...bad.} When I was unaffected by these amazing teachers, I thought that maybe I was broken. Like...I was in such a bad place that even yoga couldn't help me, because clearly if these famous instructors couldn't break through this fog then nobody could! With hesitation I headed to Michelle's class...worried that I'd seriously lost my saving grace, yoga...the one thing that always helps me out: making me a stronger person mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally.

Michelle started class with,

"Lazy. Dedicated. Peace. Fierce. Challenged. Happiness. Joy. Necessary. Failing. Repetitive. Evolving. -- These were the responses to the question WHAT ONE WORD DESCRIBES YOUR YOGA PRACTICE RIGHT NOW?" Well, that was easy for me - uninspired. Nonexistent. Then, we set our intention for class, mine being to become INSPIRED again with this way of life that means so much to me...so I can be a better me, for myself and for my family - especially for my Dad.

The first half of class I flowed through but still wasn't fully present, trying to focus on my intention. And then somewhere in the middle it hit me. I think I was in side angle and BOOM, I choked back tears. Hallelujah! There IS something to make me feel better again. I don't know where it went, but it's back. I made my way through the rest of class and then eventually settled into Savasana. I began to relax, focus on my breath, focus on my intention, and then without any warning I just started to cry. At first there were just a few tears rolling down, but it was like the floodgates opened - there was nothing I could do to stop them. It took everything inside of me to choke back sobs. It felt good to feel again. Where I'm going with all of this is that there is a teacher for everyone...some will resonate with you, and some won't. Just because someone is famous doesn't mean that their practice is the one for you. I'm grateful to have studied under these outstanding instructors, but I'm even more grateful having Michelle. I feel safe with her - she teaches a physically challenging class, lined and enriched with the spiritual essence of yoga that I crave. Yesterday she created a safe haven for me in this tiny little studio....to sweat it out, to stretch it out and to cry it out. Someday we outgrow our teachers or what it is that we look for in a practice, and need to move on. But until that day, I will be thankful for having a fabulous teacher in Michelle. Right now what I cannot seem to work out in my daily life, I was able to work out on my mat. Thank you yoga - for this gift. Thank you Michelle, for your gift. Namaste.

Michelle, and her daughter Sophie.

Michelle teaches Mondays @ 9:30am at NJYogaZone in Margate.

Check out her blog: www.yogababymomma.blogspot.com

Beer + French Fries

So, let me tell you a story....

Rewind a week. I'm in the Penn Tower hotel room with my Aunt Nellie while Mom + Dad are in the hospital. I'm religiously practicing headstands and forearms stand...without the assistance of the wall. Why? I dunno, I was just inspired. After 30 minutes of half-assed headstands I did a little mini-flow to work out the kinks. Unfortunately there was a long mirror right next to where I was practicing and I got a glimpse of my HUGE ass! Goddamn! I knew that I'd gained a few pounds...with all that's been going on with Dad, my yoga practice has been nonexistent and my diet has been a free for all. A couple glasses of wine? Yes! Cheese plate? Yes! Olive oil gelato? YES! Unlike my mother, I don't react to the upset, anxious energy that I have been being productive - it makes me feel physically and emotionally like I'm carrying 1,000pounds, unable to move or do anything. Just sit. And read. Or watch. Or just sit. Observe...my mom running circles around the house, working, cooking, reading, talking to doctors, and making juices. Bah! Anyways, I'm in the hotel room - convinced now that I've been struggling with headstands because my ass is so huge that it's simple math: it's just too big to be held up in the air! As the complex begins to grow in my mind - I huff and puff to my Aunt Nell and then vow to give up Beer + French Fries...two of my favorite things. I knew that I wouldn't be able to go cold turkey, it would never work, so I'd just start there. All my life has been a struggle with my weight. Naturally, my 5'3" frame wants to be round and...a little bit thicker than most. My diet, since birth, has been pretty outstanding - eating fresh, wholesome food...never junk. It wasn't until I became obsessed with yoga that my body finally became a little bit lean. Clearly, my lack of practice lately has resulted in my regression to roundness. Okay - so I had my mini-meltdown and then threw on some clothes and headed to DINNER! In the cab ride to meet Par @ PARC, the cab driver and I were talking about...you guessed it, FOOD. He doesn't cook that much, but found my passion for buying, prepping, creating and eating fascinating. I told him that my specialty is cooking vegan and vegetarian - lots of soups, salads, and grains. He started laughing. Like, legitimately laughing. "Hahahahaha, yeah, okay girl - you're too thick to be a vegetarian! Hahahaha". Bastard. Way to add to the growing complex...about my growing backside {and thighs. and buddha belly. and rounding face.}. I got to PARC with the wind outta my sails, feeling like a sausage stuffed into my {stretch pant} jeans. I guess that it didn't really stop me - because yes I ordered a salad - but I also had escargot that were cooked in the most delicious butter concoction - and soaked up the juices with {several} pieces of bread. I stayed away from beer, opting for two glasses of red wine {which is healthy...}, only to go out afterwards with Par and have several pints of Beer. Yep, the beer that I'd just sworn off? Ha. Way to go Cailin...my willpower sucks.

Fastforward to today, Saturday. I started off my morning with a yoga class along with my friends Martha and Danielle. I was telling them about my new fat-ass complex and my decision to give up my beloved beer + french fries. {And let me specify people - I'm not talking McDonald's french fries. I'm talking delicious, artisan, made-with-love {and sometimes duck-fat}, salty, epic FRENCH FRIES. MmMmMmMmMmMmMmmmmm! Well, Danielle quips - "Don't Do That! French Fries are good. And you are beautiful. And if you put some weight on now - you'll put some off later. You know what - I thought of giving up potato chips - but I like potato chips - and I'm going to eat potato chips if I want to." WELL, that's all it took. After a week of depriving myself - I'm back on beer {in moderation} and french fries {....in moderation}. Because damnit, I want 'em! And they make me happy.

So many people struggle to find happiness - reading self-help books for it, searching the depths of their soul for it, looking for it in love and other people - and I find mine in beer + french fries. Ha. How simple. How sweet.

Life is a Loan.

Our final night in Philly my mother snuck into the hospital to spend the night with my Dad, Nellie retired early to bed, and I changed out of my sweatpants to meet up with Par Mahr where he was working for dinner. Of all the Mahr Family, Par is probably the one that I have spent the least amount of time with. I hang with his parents, Jim + Kate quite often. Jim played music at my parents wedding, and I have had the privilege to play with him at local venues over the past few years. Kate rarely misses any of our shows, and I always get to hang with her at the Dead Dog when the boys are playing. Jim + Kate have 5 kids: Zoe, Christian, Par, Owen and Nolan. Zoe is a doctor at Temple...she has traveled to all corners of the world and is as kind and compassionate as she is beautiful. Christian and I have been playing music together since the day I picked up the guitar - he completes me...musically, that is. Owen and I went from pre-school all the way through high school together. His passing was the first experience that I ever had with death...too soon, too abrupt, and difficult to understand. Nolan is the youngest - but the sassiest by far. He's also a joy to play music with and he is ALWAYS available as a shoulder to cry on, an amazing listener, and damn he always knows how to make you laugh. So as you can see - the family is pretty epic. Intelligent, talented, passionate and caring. Anyways...I digress. Par works at a bar/restaurant in Rittenhouse...PARC (on 18th and Locust). I decided that I needed a night away from the hospital, and a chance to catch up with the one Mahr I don't know all too well. We connected, of course! I sat at the bar and he treated me to the most delicious dinner! Escargot and a warm shrimp salad - along with their housemade baguettes {SO DELICIOUS!}. I had two glasses of Beaujolais and to top it off he sent me home with a Roasted Chicken dinner for my mother {because she'd been living on crappy hospital food, refusing to leave my dad}. He got done work early and we headed down the street to grab a few pints and talk some more. Well, he obviously had fabulous things to say, but one thing he said really resonated with me....

"I have always looked at life like a loan. You are born with this loan - and you only have it for a limited time...one day you have to give it back. It seems unfair, but really...that's the contract. But you get to keep all of the memories and happiness and relationships you have created and enjoyed, they are yours, free! Forever!"

Death - the one and only thing that we are guaranteed in life. You may or may not fall in love, get married, have children, make lots of money, own a home, travel the world....nothing like that is guaranteed. So why is the one guarantee in life, the one thing that we absolutely know is inevitable, so very difficult to understand and accept? So, me....starting today I'm looking at life like a loan. Yep, I gotta give it back - but everything I do before that day I give it back is all mine. All the love and adventure and memories...all mine.

HUP: Day 2

I'm so much like my father in the sense that no matter what the situation...food puts a smile on our faces...

The biopsy went very smooth yesterday with no side effects - hallelujah! Unfortunately the biopsy informed us that it is infact a glioma. Not at all the news that we were hoping for. Also, the MRI shows that it seems to have grown - a very small amount, but growth none the less. It definitely put a damper on the day. When he came out of surgery they put him in the ICU, and we were ALL allowed to visit. From the moment we walked in he was joking and busting chops. You could tell he was in pain though, so we sent the troops home and just Nell, Mom and I stayed in the room. Nellie and I had dinner at the White Dog, and my mom stayed in the ICU - refusing to leave Dad's side. She spent the night in a reclining chair, next to Dad, while Nellie and I slept in our hotel room. Her and I watched Twilight and then Twilight New Moon. I've convinced myself that there's nothing wrong with our obsession - Twilight makes us happy!

Woke up this morning and headed back to the ICU. We brought mom coffee and dad a egg and cheese mcmuffin. He looked great this morning, much more with it than the day before. Josh, his RN, took the bandages off of his staples and scrubbed him clean. Right now Uncle Paul, Nana, PopPop, Michael, Megan, Nellie, Mom and Me are in the ICU...hanging out. Snacking. Laughing. Talking shit. You know - the usual.

Me + Dad.

Dad's Staples.

Food+ Family+ Twilight+ iPhone+ Bon Iver = HUP

SO. Here we are at the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania. Today was supposed to be my first day of my 200hr Yoga Teacher Training in Dharamsala, INDIA. Instead, I'm here in Philadelphia. Despite being a bit bummed about missing out on some delicious Curries, this is where I should be. Dad's in the operating room with Dr.O'Rourke and his ammmazing team. There's a slew of us in the family waiting room - we've completely taken over. Go figure, the Callahan's taking over a room?! HA. I'm going to go ahead and start the story from the beginning....

It all began on Saturday night. We ate some leftovers and hung out on the couch. Nellie {one of my Dad's 7 sisters} came over around 8pm with her bags packed: the first two Twilight novels I lent to her, and some DVD's {Twilight, Twilight New Moon, and Remember Me - a flick featuring...you guessed it...ROBERT PATTINSON!}. Mom and Dad retired to bed early, and then Nell and I stayed up to watch Remember Me. Well, Pattinson is one sexy man! The movie was pretty good, up until the ending - which caught me off guard and left me upset. Nellie went to bed, but I stayed up to watch...yep, TWILIGHT. I think that I could quite possibly watch it every day for the rest of my life and never get bored with it. Fantasyland. My happy place. Anyways, I retired to bed around 2am. Up at 7am and on the road by 8. We arrived at HUP by 9:30am. Nellie and I dropped my parents at the hospital and then her and I navigated our way to Penn Tower, where we'd be camping out for the next few days. Well, after years working in the corporate world - Nellie is a PROFESSIONAL when it comes to hotels. After she was done at the front desk we had the best rooms, connected so we can walk back and forth from one room to the other, along with a refridgerator and microwave- at no extra cost. We were both exhausted and wanted to take a nap, but alas - how can you sleep when there is Twilight to be read?! Nellie's about half way through the first novel, and after I finish up Meyer's short Twilight spin-off "Bree Tanner" then I'm going to reread the series. So no - we didn't get the rest we needed. Dad finished with his MRI around 1pm, and then Susan + Iggie met up with us for some brunch. We all went to the White Dog, and it was goddamn delicious. This is my theory: I'm on vacation. If I can't be in India or anywhere else abroad, well then damnit I'm celebrating every day no matter where I am. I vowed to take advantage of Philly's amazing selection of bars + restaurants....pledging to eat and drink and eat and drink and eat and drink. Boom. My brunch at the White Dog started out with a pint of a local Octoberfest. MmmMm. This was followed up by the most lip-smackingly-scrumptious Spicy Lamb Bolegnese and a bloodmary. Happy Sunday to me! Dad and Nell had pancakes, Iggie had mussels and fries, Suzie had Crab Benedict and Ma had a smoked ham panini. The patients {that'd be Nell and Dad...Nellie has MS and gets easily rundown} and Mom were beat so they headed back to the hotel room to rest. Well - I'm on vacation, and Susan + Ig were just getting started, so we said farewell then walked to the pub next door for a few pints. Several pints and an order of Curry Fries later we rolled out of the beer and rolled back to the hospital. Despite being full, I was already scheming our dinner. One of my favorite places in Philly is the Belgium Cafe. Not only do they have a great selection of beer - but their mussels with pomme frites are out of this world. Turns out that the Belgium Cafe is owned by MONKS...which was only a short cab ride away. Hooray! We rested up, digested, showered, read Twilight, and then all hopped a cab to Monks! Everything we ate was absolutely outstanding. I had Monk's Mussels that comes with pomme frites - my usual. It's $9.95, an absolute deal for the quality and quantity that you get. Nell had mussels too, but hers were done in a broth with Grueyre cheese, apples and garlic. So delicious! Dad had local, free range roasted chicken, served with string beans and fingerling potatoes {$15} and Mom got the most impressive Charcuterie plate that I have EVER seen {for $12!!}. This was an outgrageously generous spread of fresh raspberries, grapes, bread, several cheeses (huge chunks!), cured sausages, Rabbit terrein, and some fabulous spicy mustard. Gordon - you would die for this! Dad was feeling good and on fire - telling some hysterical stories. I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face. Him and Nellie are only 10 months apart - so stories of their childhood really crack me up...the trouble, the meals, the chaos of living with a family that large. Oh me, oh my. And speaking of that large family - they are all here. Yep. Here. In the hospital. In the waiting room. I feel sympathy towards the people who are also sitting here waiting for their family members - because we have taken over. We are loud and semi-obnoxious, but we mean well. Ha. Two of Dad's sisters are here: Nellie and Megan {along with her husband, Peter}, his brother Michael is here {with his son Christopher}, Nana + PopPop, me and Mom. Well, I guess that we aren't ALL here...but there's more on the way....

This morning when they wheeled him away and we had to say goodbye I started to fall apart a bit. I've been trying to be strong - lord knows that my mother has carried this burden since day one - being strong enough for all of us. BUT, I just couldn't keep it together any longer. For those of you who know me, then you understand how I process things. For those that think I'm just "Ha Ha Ha - eat and drink, wooohooo!", don't be fooled - this is how I deal with things. Weird, I know - but it's what I know. So, with the help from some delicious food + delicious beer, Twilight, Bon Iver, and my iPhone for finding some awesome eats {thanks Urbanspoon!}...well, it's going to be okay. With all my family here, it's going to be okay. With all of the prayers coming from all of you all over the world, it's going to be okay. I just have a feeling. A good feeling. It's all going to be okay.

And on that note....

we're going to be having Korean food for lunch from KOREANA. It's next to a strip club, it's divey, and it's delicious! A Philadelphia version of my favorite NYC eats, Vanessa's Dumpling House! I'm going to get the Jam Bong and the BiBim Bop!

Mom and the tired patient.

Me + Dad.

The lovebirds.

"This Will Make You Laugh..."

A few weeks ago my great friend Pat from Costa Rica sent me an email with the subject line, "This Will Make You Laugh...". Well damn, she was right. But it wasn't a laugh, it was a grin from ear to ear. Patricia is a great person who I'm lucky to have found, and though we haven't been in touch too much lately, it's emails like this that remind me of the love she has for me - and I for her. Thanks Pat for giving me something to cheer me up on a gloomy day.

Pat has a blog about her life in Costa Rica...check it out: www.gringaticacostarica.blogspot.com

My Julia.

I was editing my iPhoto library and found some photos from Julisa's visit that I neglected to put on the web. I love this shot of my very best friend...she is beautiful inside and out. Since we were kids she has loved Japanese haiku's, and has often written them for me. Here's one I've written for you Julia...

autumn breeze brings me

sadness i cant seem to shake

warm embrace, you are my sun

World Dominator: AJW

Andy Welker.

We are about as opposite as black and white, hot and cold, apples and oranges.

Yet, we are the best of friends... For many years now.

Andy took some time off from is outrageously insane work schedule {he is currently working towards total World Domination down in Texas...} to come visit Dad (and me and Mom) for a few days. Well, about 48 hours....

Picking stone crab claws, and drinkin' Modelo. Life is good.

Went for a walk to burn off some of the beer gut...

Mom + Dad

Andy + Me

Mom, AJW + Me