Beer + French Fries

So, let me tell you a story....

Rewind a week. I'm in the Penn Tower hotel room with my Aunt Nellie while Mom + Dad are in the hospital. I'm religiously practicing headstands and forearms stand...without the assistance of the wall. Why? I dunno, I was just inspired. After 30 minutes of half-assed headstands I did a little mini-flow to work out the kinks. Unfortunately there was a long mirror right next to where I was practicing and I got a glimpse of my HUGE ass! Goddamn! I knew that I'd gained a few pounds...with all that's been going on with Dad, my yoga practice has been nonexistent and my diet has been a free for all. A couple glasses of wine? Yes! Cheese plate? Yes! Olive oil gelato? YES! Unlike my mother, I don't react to the upset, anxious energy that I have been being productive - it makes me feel physically and emotionally like I'm carrying 1,000pounds, unable to move or do anything. Just sit. And read. Or watch. Or just sit. Observe...my mom running circles around the house, working, cooking, reading, talking to doctors, and making juices. Bah! Anyways, I'm in the hotel room - convinced now that I've been struggling with headstands because my ass is so huge that it's simple math: it's just too big to be held up in the air! As the complex begins to grow in my mind - I huff and puff to my Aunt Nell and then vow to give up Beer + French Fries...two of my favorite things. I knew that I wouldn't be able to go cold turkey, it would never work, so I'd just start there. All my life has been a struggle with my weight. Naturally, my 5'3" frame wants to be round and...a little bit thicker than most. My diet, since birth, has been pretty outstanding - eating fresh, wholesome food...never junk. It wasn't until I became obsessed with yoga that my body finally became a little bit lean. Clearly, my lack of practice lately has resulted in my regression to roundness. Okay - so I had my mini-meltdown and then threw on some clothes and headed to DINNER! In the cab ride to meet Par @ PARC, the cab driver and I were talking about...you guessed it, FOOD. He doesn't cook that much, but found my passion for buying, prepping, creating and eating fascinating. I told him that my specialty is cooking vegan and vegetarian - lots of soups, salads, and grains. He started laughing. Like, legitimately laughing. "Hahahahaha, yeah, okay girl - you're too thick to be a vegetarian! Hahahaha". Bastard. Way to add to the growing complex...about my growing backside {and thighs. and buddha belly. and rounding face.}. I got to PARC with the wind outta my sails, feeling like a sausage stuffed into my {stretch pant} jeans. I guess that it didn't really stop me - because yes I ordered a salad - but I also had escargot that were cooked in the most delicious butter concoction - and soaked up the juices with {several} pieces of bread. I stayed away from beer, opting for two glasses of red wine {which is healthy...}, only to go out afterwards with Par and have several pints of Beer. Yep, the beer that I'd just sworn off? Ha. Way to go Cailin...my willpower sucks.

Fastforward to today, Saturday. I started off my morning with a yoga class along with my friends Martha and Danielle. I was telling them about my new fat-ass complex and my decision to give up my beloved beer + french fries. {And let me specify people - I'm not talking McDonald's french fries. I'm talking delicious, artisan, made-with-love {and sometimes duck-fat}, salty, epic FRENCH FRIES. MmMmMmMmMmMmMmmmmm! Well, Danielle quips - "Don't Do That! French Fries are good. And you are beautiful. And if you put some weight on now - you'll put some off later. You know what - I thought of giving up potato chips - but I like potato chips - and I'm going to eat potato chips if I want to." WELL, that's all it took. After a week of depriving myself - I'm back on beer {in moderation} and french fries {....in moderation}. Because damnit, I want 'em! And they make me happy.

So many people struggle to find happiness - reading self-help books for it, searching the depths of their soul for it, looking for it in love and other people - and I find mine in beer + french fries. Ha. How simple. How sweet.