I Shall Go On Living

"my feet will want to walk to where you are sleeping
but
I shall go on living."
― Pablo Neruda

Dreamt of my Dad when I slept last night, and thought of him throughout these early hours of dawn. It's cold, rainy and gray outside...but I'm feeling hopeful today. I sat in meditation (Deepak Challenge) and then came across this photo, and it made me feel that a gray doesn't mean that there won't be some beauty amongst it....

Sent from my iPad

Kelly, Club Soda and Realizations!

I'm a bit crazy. In the past I had high highs, and low lows....which, looking back, I now realize is a total lack of balance...balance being something that I've always struggled with. I'm realizing now that you can be passionate while being balanced....passionately balanced. Boom. I give myself a large amount of time now for silence and solitude, which has contributed to a bit of settling within. With that said, I started to fall into a funk. Perhaps it was the weather, maybe it was work, or maybe too much solitude....whatever it was, I chose to remedy it with a trip to visit my amazing friend Kelly up in Villanova. As my Dad would say, "Damn! It's just like the good ol' days". Though we haven't gotten to see each other much since summer ended, we picked up right where we left off. We snacked on our usual afternoon candida-friendly spread (Kelly took an oath of solidarity this summer and ate and (didn't) drink the same candida diet with me in support!)....almond butter, brown rice cakes, hard boiled eggs, tuna fish, avocados, hot tea and CLUB SODA! We got to spend quality time with her three ammmmmazing children Oscar, Charlie and Pascale as well as getting some solo, girly best friend time. We went shopping at Trader Joes (and shouted in excitement as we found all sorts of candida friendly goodies!!), took TWO kickass yoga classes (thanks Sarra Kaufman and Erika Blazenik), and strolled the aisles of TJMaxx home goods. We picked oracle cards, talked endlessly over endless cups of tea, and co-created some epic, healthy meals in the kitchen. It might not sound like much to most, or anything overly exciting....but it was what we "do", and it was use what the doctor ordered! I cherished every moment, without holding onto it too tight. Which brings me to Erika Blazenik's class. She said something that I've said a hundred times in my classes....but she phrased it in a different way, and the new perspective gave me a whole new depth of understanding into it. As much as I love teaching, I LOVE being a student, and I'm so grateful for the wonderful teachers that I have been blessed with over the years. Erika said, "Life is only...moments. Arrival is an illusion." Boom. Wow. Sit with that statement for five minutes and digest it before you read on.

......

Did that grab you by the shoulders and shake you? Did you have that "AHA!" moment? *******ARRIVAL IS AN ILLUSION.**********
Life is just moments. Some seem good, some seem bad...but each and every one of these moments brought you to the moment that you're existing in RIGHT NOW. Amazing right? And you are never going to get THIS moment back EVER again, so stop. STOP. Breathe, Enjoy, Be Present. There is no destination. Arrival is an illusion.

......

Okay. Deep breath. It's all good, because this moment is a miracle. And every moment that we are blessed with after this one is yet another miracle.....hooray!

Blindfolded Yoga

As per request, Blindfolded Yoga is back!!! Friday November 22nd from 6-8pm at the OC zen den! This will revolutionize your practice.

Butternut Squash Salad

This salad is ammmmmazing. I had roasted butternut squash the day prior for a Moroccan recipe that I was making, and then, at Santoris Produce, they had organic arugula...so, voila! Butternut squash salad! This is super easy, super delicious and super healthy (plus it's vegan, gluten free, paleo and candida friendly!). This time of year i tend to have some roasted vegetables available so it encourages healthy meals even when I'm exhausted. So go ahead and roast some beets, squash or potatoes to have them in the fridge, ready to go!

Arugula
Roasted butternut squash (I roasted ahead of time, on 350' in a dish with about an inch of vegetable broth then covered with tinfoil.)
Coconut aminos (this is candida friendly. You can also use Braggs liquid aminos or soy sauce if you aren't on the cleanse...)
Tahini
Lemon
Evoo
Salt, pepper, garlic, cayenne, cinnamon

Put the peeled slices of roasted butternut squash in a dish, spray with coconut oil and season with salt, pepper, a little bit of garlic, a generous amount of cinnamon, and cayenne pepper. Put under the broiler for about 10/15min, until warmed and slightly touched with a golden crisp on the edges. In the meanwhile, toss the peppery arugula with evoo, coconut aminos, lemon juice and tahini. Place the squash over the bed of greens and finish off with a little drizzle of tahini.

So. Flipping. Good.
Bah.
Eat. Enjoy.

Deepak Meditation Challenge

I am doing Deepak and Oprahs 21 Day Meditation Challenge. Technically it started yesterday (the 11th) but the meditations are up for 5 days so you have today and the next few days to begin.....so get on it! I love the format....the guided meditation, and an online journal...so the process is easy and convenient. To do this free 21 day meditation challenge you go to www.chopracentermeditation.com

I loved Day 1's dharma talk....Deepak says how most say to move away from desire, but he encourages us that desire is what we follow and which takes us into our true nature. I couldn't agree more, and this one notion is what has kept me from fully embracing and moving into a Buddhism...I simply disagree that desire is a bad thing.

Anywho, check it out! It's awesome!! Who doesn't want to be the best version of themselves?

The Seven Needs

One of the books that I'm reading at the moment is Deepak Chopras "The Soul of Leadership". I was a bit hesitant to read it at first because the word "leader" is confusing to me, but I'm working on that association. Anywho, the book is brilliant. It has helped me to pinpoint exactly what my souls purpose is, and how to move into that. Also, it talks about the needs of a group, which I find can apply to any relationship be it business, spiritual, or romantic.

The Needs of the a Group:
1. Safety, security
2. Achievement, success
3. Cooperation
4. Nurturing, belonging
5. Creativity, progress
6. Moral values
7. Spiritual fulfillment

These seven were set up in this hierarchy by a psychologist, Abraham Maslow, whom determined that the most basic need (safety/security) must be met before a person can move on to higher needs. I was reading this chapter of the book on the first day of the retreat that I was leading in Mexico, and it couldn't have come at a better time. It's relatively easy to find spiritual fulfillment and move into spiritual fulfillment with my community in the studio (back in New Jersey) but it takes a while to find that with a group on a retreat...and now Chopra (and Maslow) have helped put that challenge into perspective for me. The reason that the journey into spiritual fulfillment is easier with my students is because we have already established the most basic needs. So, how to cultivate this on a retreat? First things first, create a safe and sacred environment. Retreats can be overwhelming, especially if you've gone alone and don't know anyone. It's a week to dedicate to yourself, to growing, to breaking free and to opening up....but you can't do this until you feel that you are safe.

All in all...this was so super insightful to apply not only to the retreat, but to all of my relationships as well. So go ahead, give it a go...reflect, and notice which of these needs are being met, and which aren't. 

Oooo Mexico!

We had a late night, and then a very early morning. The early mornings are per usual for me, but I'm not accustomed to staying up too late! I was up and at it by 5:30am and within the hour we were on the beach for yoga . I lead the group through Surya Namaskar as the sun was rising, and then we sat in meditation and closed with the Gayatri mantra. After our practice we drank smoothies, had some breakfast and then we hit the trails! We hiked for three hours until we hit the pools. It was a long, challenging hike- but it was SO much fun and the swim at the top was way worth it. I can't quite describe the natural outdoor waterpark,and I was having too much fun to take pictures, so you'll just have to trust me. After our swim we ate the healthy and delicious lunch we'd packed and then made the three hour hike home. We relaxed by the pool, which is on the beach, overlooking the mountains...chatting and reminiscing about the past week. Unanimous decision: life-changing yoga retreat. So grateful to Nina for bringing me on board and allowing me to live my Sva Dharma by being a part of HER Sva Dharma. Life is good.

Mamacita.

I'm so proud of my madre. She hadnt done yoga in nearly 20 years and had never taken one of my classes until going on my Italy Yoga Retreat in September. And now, she's an addict. Her practice improves every day, she is incredibly present in every class, meditation and dharma talk, and I've noticed a significant difference in her overall spirit. It's been such an amazing transformation to witness, and even better that I'm helping to facilitate it. Jai Ma!

Selfishness for Selflessness

I have been accused of being selfish.
I have been praised for being selfless.
I'd like to think that I'm both, and that the first has inspired the latter, which is why I rejoiced this afternoon when I started reading chapter 3 in Oshos book "Love, Freedom, and Aloneness". He writes...

*The Virtues of Selfishness*

If you are not selfish you will not be altruistic, remember. If you are not selfish you will not be unselfish, remember. ONLY A VERY DEEPLY SELFISH PERSON CAN BE UNSELFISH. But this has to be understood because it looks like a paradox.

...the more you seek your happiness the more you will help others to be happy. Because that is the only way to be happy in the world. If everybody else around you is unhappy, you cannot be happy, because man is not an island. He is part of a vast continent.

You are not a stone, you are a very delicate being very sensitive. Misery is as infectious as any disease. Blissful ness is also infectious as any disease. If you help others to be happy, in the end you help yourself to be happy. A person who is deeply interested in his happiness is always interested in others happiness also. If in the world everybody was taught to be selfish, the whole world would be happy.

Teach everybody to be selfish - unselfishness grows out of it.

When you have happiness you can share it; when you don't have it, how can you share it? To share, in the first place one must have it. That's why the new generation all over the world is a great danger to the establishment. They are interested only in being happy. They are interested in love, they are interested in meditation, they are interested in music, dance....The new generation is not interested in politics-- they don't belong to any ~ism. A HAPPY PEREON BELONGS TO HIMSELF. Why should he belong to any organization? That is the way of an unhappy person: to belong to some organization, to belong to some crowd. Because he has no roots within himself, he does not belong-- and that gives him a very, very deep anxiety: He should belong..... One should be rooted in oneself because the way from oneself moves deep down into existence.

You are just here for a few years to be. Enjoy, delight, be happy, dance, and love; and out of your love and dancing out of your deep selfishness will start an overflowing of energy. You will be able to share with others.

Paraiso en Mexico

After a late dinner, early morning, and one layover...we made it! My mom decided last minute to join me on this retreat, and I couldn't be happier. The ride was about three hours, and we arrived into Rancho Las Cruces just after dark. The estate that we are in is beyond beautiful. Large vaulted ceilings, huge rooms with furniture so big that it had to be constructed in-house. Fireplaces, Mexican ceramics, beautiful flora and flowers everywhere, an in ground pool and hot-tub, a fire pit, and all of this just steps from the beach. But the real beauty was revealed when we woke up the next morning. The view will literally take your breath away for a moment, as you stop, gather your bearings, and attempt to take in this slice of paradise. Rancho Las Cruces is straight up LUXURY. We are tucked away on a private ranch, the driveway of which took took us nearly 20minutes from road to door front. The beach at the bottom of our steps is our yoga studio, so we practice under the palapa, our music being the sounds of nature...waves, wind, and wildlife. Anyone who has been to my class knows that I love me a good playlist, but I haven't been able to get myself to use music here...the silence and sounds of nature are just too good. Unlike Costa Rica, Baja is the perfect temperature. You can be in the sun mid-afternoon and not be melting. There is a breeze that is present throughout the day, keeping you the perfect temperature and allowing for a hoodie or shaw in the early mornings and late evenings, and it makes for the most pleasant nights sleep! The only set schedule is yoga twice daily and three healthy meals a day....other than that our time is spent paddling around the Sea of Cortez on the Paddleboard or kayaks, swimming in the sea or the pool, soaking in the hot tub, relaxing, reading, napping or sipping tea. I offer Thai massage, and Sarah is here offering up everything from facials to pedicures. Yesterday I was lucky enough to receive one of her epic facials and I haven't been able to stop touching my skin since...it's just THAT soft! Ugh. After our first full day it was early to bed for me so that I could be early to rise. I was up at 5am, when I sat in prayer at my altar for a long time before moving into a seated meditation outside. As the sun was rising I spoke out loud, asking God for some guidance concerning some things that have been weighing heavy on my mind. After asking the question, I opened up my eyes and there was a hawk flying towards me, no more than ten feet away! Once I stopped crying I rushed into my room and grabbed my spirit animals book to look up the meaning, and it's all about following your passion with focus, gracefulness and fluidity....knowing that everything is happening at the appropriate time, and in alignment with my soul purpose.


I sat for a long time after that and just sat. Stillness. Silence. Sunrise. It felt so good. So so good. And I just knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be. A deep knowing, that I am on the right path. So content. So blessed...feeling love all around me and moving through me.


Sent from my iPad

Sea of Cortez Studio Space

This is (one of) my studio space(s) for this weeks retreat in Mexico. I actually haven't taught in the daylight yet...just a shanti, slow flow this evening under the stars. It was pitch black out tonight by the time I taught, with only a few candles scattered about the shoreline. We were a few inches from the water-line, and it made for the perfect (natural) "playlist" for class. I'm so pumped on this location, so pumped on the Sea of Cortez and even more pumped on the small but quality group of females that are in this retreat!

Friend Family.

Andy is family, though he started out as a friend. He's opening up his 7th office, this time in Philadelphia- so yay for me, he has had to be up this way several times recently for business! Last night we went out for an amazing dinner...which was the perfect night before my early morning flight. And now, I'm off to Mexico!

Faith.

Opening my heart in surrender to the Divine, moving with Faith that I am a beloved child of the Universe.

Faith (n)
1. Confident belief in the truth, value or trustworthiness of a person, idea or thing
2. Belief that does not rest on logical proof of material evidence

My faith has been tested so much lately. Despite sticking to a strict diet for the past 6 months as part of my two year healing I woke up the other morning sick as a dog, with every symptom of my illness under the book. I was throwing up because I was in so much pain, and couldn't stop crying because I felt so defeated. My mom was so worried about me, demanding that I go to a specialist. No. Absolutely not. Call me crazy, but I have faith that this cleanse will work. I have to. Our thoughts become our reality, and if I start to entertain the thought of this not working then I truly believe that this will manifest as my truth. First thing this morning I hopped in the car and headed down to my Mom's house to gather up a few things that I needed for my trip to Mexico tomorrow. The drive gets me every time. First thing in the morning, just after the sun has risen and the bay is quiet - I can't help but to think of my Dad. We spent so much time on the water, and this is where I feel most connected to him. I cried and cried until I had to pull the car over to gather myself. Again - my faith being tested. Despite any sadness I feel, I have Faith that though my Dad isn't here anymore, that he is still all around me. I have Faith that he was able to experience the beauty that I was seeing all around me as I drove south this morning. Better yet, I have Faith that wherever he is, he is existing amongst a beauty so much greater than I can even imagine. And what other option is there? I simply refuse to believe anything less. Faith is like energy -- just because you can't see something doesn't mean that it isn't there. You just have a deep KNOWING, a deep TRUST, and a deep UNDERSTANDING - and this is faith.

Faith is the pillar of allowing yourself to surrender. Surrender, by definition, is "to cease resistance to an enemy". More often than not, WE are the enemy. So how do we get out of our own way, allowing all that IS to BE? Our insecurities, our ego, our doubts....how to move past these? Ishvara Pranidhana. Ishvara Pranidhana is the 5th Niyama (There are 8 limbs that make up "yoga"...yamas, niyamas, asana, pranayama, pratyahara, dharana, dhyana, samadhi), and it means to "Surrender to God" or to "Surrender to a Higher Source".  This 'initiates a sacred shift of perspective that helps us to remember, align with, and receive the grace of being alive'. We start to cultivate this shift by embracing the concept of Ishta Devata. Yoga Journal writes...

The yogic concept of Ishta-Devata recognizes that we each have our own, personal relationship with and taste of the Divine and that this serves as a powerful means of yoga (unification) for us. In the Yoga Sutra, Patanjali refers to this inner presence of Ishvara as our foremost teacher (I.26). Through intimate listening to this voice within us, we begin to have a relationship with inner guidance in all aspects of our life. Ishvara pranidhana could be called "heartfulness" practice; it awakens our constant devotion to the Source of life and keeps our hearts open to the Divine in every moment, no matter what arises.

And so, despite the illness and sadness that I am experiencing at this moment - I have surrendered my heart and my body to the Divine, moving into this surrender with a deep, profound Faith...knowing that I am beloved child of the Universe, and that the Universe will take care of me now and forever more. Aho.