not all who wander are lost.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Out of Harmony...

I counted 60 people in line ahead of me....and there was twenty people behind me...
This is how I felt when I walked away from the Consulate, and this is the actually reaction that I witnessed as people exited the building. For a good laugh and some insight into this experience, type in BLS India NYC into and enjoy some hysterical (alas heart-breaking) rants....
I am feeling out of alignment.
I am not in harmony with the universal flow right now.
I just cant be.
I am feeling frustrated, exhausted, and defeated.

Deep breath in...
Deep breath out.

Previous commitments have kept me state-side, and this is what I remind myself again and again, as the Universe continually reminds me that its time for me to leave. (Did you hear that Universe?? I have heard you loud and clear, thank you for the {continued} messages, but you can let up -- I promise to be leaving as soon as my commitments are through!). I honestly believe that when we are in harmony with the Divine flow of the Universe that all things fall into place. Lately I have found that I am taking three steps forward, only to take two steps back. On the bright side, at least I am moving one step forward, slowly slowly! Physically, Financially, Mentally, and Spiritually I am feeling run down. All attempts to move forward are thwarted by some odd or end, and I am trying to keep strolling on the sunny side of the street with a smile on my face.

My trip to NYC today to get my Indian Visa was a complete bust. It took hours getting into the city, only to stand for two hours in a line that didn't budge outside of the consulate. After an hour and a half I asked the man in front of me, "Have we progressed at all? Or have we all just started to move closer together?". With a defeated tone, he whispered back, "Oh no. We have only moved closer together madam. It looks like today will be a long day." Fuck it. I can only handle the cold for so long before it begins to break my spirit. It literally hurts my deepest heart. To cheer myself up I sat down in a cozy little restaurant and threw down some super spicy Korean food. Hallelujah.Completely overwhelmed, I cried a few tears of frustration as I cuddled up into myself on the subway ride downtown. As soon as I got to Ninas I felt better. Perhaps its because her and I are doing really cool shit together, or maybe its because she has the BEST apartment in NYC with the most inviting energy and warm flow of sunshine. I vented about this bullshit cold weather and the bullshit run-around at the consulate, and she vented about the damp, cold, wet nasty NYC gloom and the inconsistent mail service. << INSERT REBEL YELL HERE>> We ventured out for almond milk lattes and then BOOM. Totally fine. And now it has slowly morphed into the most amazing day. All of my discontentment was a reflection of my reactions to situations out of my hands. It's amazing what a few moments of peace and clarity can do -- and yeah, a good bitching session with one of your girlfriends helps too. I might be taking several steps forward lately, only to take several steps backwards, but at least I'm moving - and now that I'm back to counting my blessings instead of my sorrows I am feeling lighter. I have a meeting with my nutritionist tomorrow and I am hopeful that she will have some insight into my lifestyle and diet that will help me to find more comfort and ease with this cleanse, detox, and overall renewal. And as far as finances are concerned...well, I just have faith that all of that will fall into place.

So, next time you feel out of harmony - let a few f*bombs fly, sip a coffee, and sit in the sunshine with one of your buddies. Breathe in, breathe out, and chill. Boom. Warm Blessings to you on this cold ass day...!

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