not all who wander are lost.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

New Year.

The beginning of a new year...

 I've never been too big on making resolutions for the upcoming year, but I always take time to reflect on the one passed. At first I felt like I didn't want to look back on this year, I just wanted to be done with it and move on. My first instinct is to say that 2012 was a shit year, my worst year, a year I'd like to forget....

Well I woke up this morning, this New Years Eve day, rolling right out of bed and right onto my mat. I did an hour or so of kundalini breath-work, some Yin, and then a nice long meditation. All of the breathing exercises got any stagnant energy in my body moving, so my meditation was a bit emotional as things came up that I have been subconsciously pushing away. Though the ultimate bliss of meditation is when you find that pure stillness and silence, sometimes it's okay to just observe your thoughts- so that's what I did. And after that meditation and time of reflection, I realized that this year has been the worst, most heart-breaking and challenging of my life, but it has truly been the greatest year of my life simultaneously. It's through the hard times that we learn our strength. It's through the challenges that we find how resourceful we are. It's through loss that you realize and appreciate how much you truly have. And it's through hardships that you realize how wonderful the people in your life really are. When Dad moved on this year, I felt like my life was over. But in a way, this year is the year that *my* life has truly begun. He gave me all the tools: the compassion, the love for adventure, the knowledge and enthusiasm to live each day to its fullest. And now I'm taking all of that and running with it, carving out a bit of time and space in this world as my own. There has been such an outpouring of love and support this year from friends, family and strangers...all around the world. I have been nurtured by friends in mountains of colorado, the redwoods of Big Sur, and in the yoga studio back home. I have crossfitted and surfed and laughed and shared meals with some of the finest folks around. I have grown this year from a young girl into a woman. I'm not sure when it happened, but I don't feel like the same person I was just a few months ago. I think that true growth often happens by overcoming pain, by meeting it head on....and coming out the other side. So, now as I lay in my little room in Sri Lanka, under the fan with music playing through my iPod- I'm definitely shedding some tears for my loss, but I'm also grateful for all of the good times--- and there were so very very many. Thank you to everyone who has loved me and filled me up on days when I was empty-- there are so many of you, and I count my blessings. 2012 was an alright year, but 2013 is going to be even better...I can feel it in my bones. 

"The end is the beginning of all things, suppressed and hidden, awaiting to be released through the rhythm of pain and pleasure." -krishnamaturi

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