not all who wander are lost.

Monday, May 7, 2012


This picture sums up how I feel right now, like a need a hug. But a REAL hug, a full hug, an "embrace" I should say. Been fighting off a dark cloud lately. Mostly I feel anxious. I've been trying to put my finger on it, that way I'll be able to work my way through it and out of it. I've felt no motivation to do much of anything, and have been sleeping extra as well as falling asleep throughout the day. A constant state of fatigue. Obviously I can identify that there is anxiety and sadness about my Dad, but what has been waking me up at night is stress from the woman I work for in Avalon. There are about a hundred different words I could use to describe her, but I'll just sum her up as being very very difficult. Every encounter with her is challenging and leaves me crying, exhausted, frustrated and angry. At this point I have no idea how to communicate with someone like this, and I've internalized it. I haven't had a proper shit in almost two weeks....and that's a serious problem. Laugh if you want, but this has never been a problem of mine! Add to this a gnarly ear infection, and a $1300 bill from the autoshop which is more than I made last month (to fix something that as my mother reminded me "could have been fixed" if id just listened to her earlier. loooooveeee to hear "I told you so" when you're down). Been having lots of dreams lately, probably because with all of the sleep I've been doing lately I've given by mind plenty of time for it! The dreams have mostly been about Sri Lanka. Maybe they aren't even dreams, maybe just day I've planned them on my way into lalaland. Alas, they are interrupted when I wake up with pain in my chest so heavy that it feels like I can't breathe. I keep reminding myself that this is not permanent, it'll pass, and instead of pacing around the house - opening the fridge - closing the fridge - making a cup of tea - reheating the cup of tea - pacing a bit more....that there is probably a better way to respond. So tonight's practice is a result of my current internal mayhem. We are doing a YIN set tonight along the Lung meridian (which is associated with Sorrow and Courage) and I'm incorporating the Buddha's Karuna meditation (compassion) so that I can respond to any of my internal suffering with love + compassion. 

Lung Meridian:
Emotionally, your lung meridian is associated with courage and reverence, with an ability to experience our moments as precious and to stay in the experience we're in. Poor lung chi is expressed not only through extended bouts of sadness, but also by feeling emotionally stopped up or unable to express grief.  --taken from Sarah Powers' INSIGHT YOGA.

I keep hoping that I'm an emotionalmessravinglunatic right now because of this damn "super moon"...fingers crossed! 

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