A few hours...

 

"We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own."

Wow. What a difference a few hours can make. I wept (not crying, not sobbing, but weeping) the whole way to Margate. And then...class. I love teaching. I truly, 110% believe that I was born to be a teacher. It's like breathing, a natural and organic part of my being. Tonight I was blessed with an amazing group of yogi's and I shared with them the Karuna meditation throughout class. I have been practicing it lately, but it wasn't until I brought it into the classroom and started sharing it with the others that I was able to truly take on this compassion and embody it for myself....and for others {with the 4 Divine Abodes of Buddhism you wish them not only for yourself and for those you love, but also for those negative.soul.suckers.that.you.don't.like). I laugh to myself sometimes because I wonder to myself if my students are hearing me at all or if my ramble just sounds like "blah blah blah, om namaste, blah blah blah). By the way, I hate the word "student"...does anyone have an alternate name? I don't feel like I'm this almighty teacher - standing on a pedestal. My guru Mark Whitwell always says the only way an exchange of information can happen is when the relationship is a friendship - when it's coming from a personal level,  from the heart - when it is shared, and not preached. This is what I strive for. So anyways, for these "people whom I share a space and a practice with", I always wondered if they thought my "yoga-sermons" were ramble or if they really heard it and felt it and embodied it. Well...they hear it, and they feel it, and they sure as hell embody it -- and tonight I am the happiest, most proud and fulfilled yoga teacher that ever lived. After class two of the women approached me, two very special women who have been practicing with me since my first day at the Zen Den. They told me how my classes have changed their lives - and that they hope that I too listen to what I preach, because I too am a "powerful and amazing" human being. One woman, who hasn't spoken to her father in a dozen years, was moved to call him tonight (it was his birthday) because of the Karuna compassion meditation. "May I be Kind. May I be aware of your suffering. May I be open to your suffering. May I respond to your suffering with love and compassion.". Shitballs, you yogis really know how to make a girl feel amazing. I drove home in a total different state of mind than I had on the drive there just 2 hours prior. Instead of feeling angry, sad, frustrated, alone and I anxious .... I felt empowered, alive, grateful, humble and happy. Thank you yogi's for the love and light you offer up, thank you universe for the ability to teach, and thank you Yoga for giving me a path and a passion <3