sven, christian and i played at the lakeside lounge in nyc last night.
i rented a 15 passenger van and loaded up the band and our friends.
i want to make something clear.
yes, the band plays under CAILIN CALLAHAN, but it takes the THREE of us to make music. me alone, its good.
christian solo, its good.
sven, yeah its good.
but the three of us together can do something and make something so beautiful that sometimes it makes my head spin. christian always finds the perfect hook to play behind a song that it mesmerizes the listener. sven always has the perfect advice for the composition of a song, and how certain dramatic pauses, or clicks and taps can completely transform a song. sven and christian are what complete me and my songs.
ive been doing a lot of thinking lately about music. what it means to me, what i want from it, and where it fits into my life. ive never had the desire to be a famous musician -- i dont like playing at large venues anyways. ive never had the false idea that being a musician was going to make me rich -- i dont need a ton of money. but i've always expected music to fill this void that i feel inside of me most days. and it does. im so thankful for that. music means, to me, clarity -- and peace of mind. what i want as a musician is to play for people who want to LISTEN. really listen. and i want music to fit effortlessly into my life and be satisfying.
SO...with this said, i want to apologize to anyone who was at the lakeside show last night. i was pretty down on the music...apologizing during the show about being sick, about the poor sound quality (the patch chord they gave me for the guitar was rotted and kept popping), and for just playing through the night with a sourpuss attitude and frown. i realize now that the audience feeds off of your own energy-- so if you are pissed about factors that you cannot control (sound quality, being sick, etc), that i need to just get over it -- the show must go on. the audience can only be as stoked about the music as you are. that i can do. i feel that i need to explain though the other reason that i was upset last night: we packed the room. Friends, as well as some new fans, took time out of their life and came from all over -- south jersey, ramsey, all ends of nyc -- to come out and support ME and the boys, to support the music. everyone spent money on transportation, booze and food -- money that most of us dont have in abundance. i feel like we let you down. the boys and i have been practicing lately, and we sound better than we've ever sounded!! making music that surprises all three of us!! and last night we were off -- because of booze or other distractions. we were given 50 minutes to fucking rock for you, to justify the time and money that you gave to us...and i dont think that we did you justice. i didnt show you what music means to me, and the power that my music can possess. for this, im sorry.
bringing this full circle -- this band is NOT just cailin callahan. and i had to explain that to sven today. if sven is off, or christian is off, or im off -- we're ALL off. SO. we are going to be working together and working through some things so that NEXT TIME we can REALLY show what music means to us -- which is everything.
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