Pie Cry.

I love to cook- especially when I'm happy, and also sad. It's a bit of therapy. I can take a handful or raw materials and create a delicious dish...one that I share with my family and friends. So cooking, for me, is very rewarding. Its something that I'm good at. And though baking isn't really my specialty (you have to FOLLOW recipes, not CREATE them...and you have to use exact measurements, bleh!), I've managed to have great success with fruit pies and key lime pie. So, when I was picking up some ingredients for dinner and saw the cover of this months Bon Appetit magazine, I figured 'what the hell!'! A Blackberry Lime Meringue pie!! I could do that...it's a combination of my two favorite things to bake- key lime and berry pie. Easy peezy. Or so I thought...

On a side note, I've been crying alot- but this is pretty much reserved for the car. It's nothing crazy, but lately the sadness And stress of our current lives situation needs a release. I cry, and then feel a bit of the sadness and anxiety leave, and the weight in my chest gets lighter.

I had a good cry on the way home from the supermarket, but was prepped with my Bon Appetit magazine and a list of yummy things to make for the hoard of family and friends that were at our house- so my feelings were optimistic. I whipped up a bunch of amazing dishes (read the blogs below), and then- the pie. The fucking pie. The insanely-impossible-suicide-inducing fucking pie. You need to be a rocket scientist to decipher the recipe listed in the magazine...and I (naively) attempted. Recipes like this should come with a warning: only to be attempted by expert bakers and people who are 100% emotionally-rock-solid. The kitchen was in shambles, I was covered head to toe in flour and egg, and my arm aches from "vigorously whipping" my lime curd over a "steam bath" for 20minutes. Tired and frustrated, I abandoned my curd and turned my attention to the crust. As I rolled out the dough and laid it in the dish, I began crying. Then sobbing. Then convulsing, buckets of tears poured out of my eyes, caught by my beautifully constructed pie crust. This went on for some time before I got it together and went on to finish this (stupid-goddamned) pie.

Well, it didn't turn out looking ANYTHING like the cover of Bon Appetit, but it tasted alright. The moral of the story is that sometimes ya just need a good cry. Whether it's in your car, or into your pie crust- holding in stress, anger, sadness or any kind of negative emotion will only make matters worse. So cry it out, and then enjoy a happy meal with the people you love. Oh yeah- moral #2: don't attempt any pies in Bon Appetit, no matter how enticed you are by their beauty....

MY Blackberry Lime Meringue....

Bon Appetit's Blackberry Lime Meringue.

FYI: Here's a much easier, and just as delicious way to make this pie (minus the frustration):

Cailin's Suicide and Swear Free Blackberry Lime Pie (meringue optional):

• pie crust (i made mine from scratch, but you can use store bought) *if you want a crispy crust, bake the crust for about 10 minutes @ 350
• at the bottom of the pie crust toss in 2 containers of blackberries (bout a cup and a half), then drizzle with agave nectar, depending upon their tartness
• top the crust and berries with this mixture: 5 egg yolks, 1 can sweetened condensed milk, 2/3 cup lime juice
• Bake in oven at 375 for 25 minutes.
• If you want to put the meringue on top, be my guest, but as far as im concerned meringue can kiss my ass....I'd just top it with some delicious whipped cream! garnish with blackberries.