not all who wander are lost.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Long day.

A little bit of yoga adds a lot of comfort. Grateful for Viparita Karani which helped me to relax for the first time in the past few days. 
RoRo cooked up some breakfast quinoa, lemony carrot farro "risotto", and a spicy Dal  soup. 
Well this is certainly not the easiest thing that I've ever gone through. One minute I feel acceptance and peace, looking at my Dad and holding his hand. And then the next moment I'm dry-heaving and the tears won't stop. Today was a long day. I don't think that my mom and I have had a chance to really decompress at all since arriving home from the hospital. It's all happening so fast, and is so head is just throbbing. Dad is not there for the most part, all that seems to remain is his body -- and his body is working so hard and is so tired, it is a horrible thing to witness. We are working with our nurses now to bump up all meds so that he can breathe better and be as comfortable as possible. Most of you reading this know my Dad, and for those of you who don't - well, I'm sure that you've figured it out by now...Paul Callahan is one of the most, if not THE most, vibrant human being you'll ever encounter. He is so very alive, and loved so very much by everyone around him. I hate to see him in these conditions, and the few times I've closed my eyes today I've sent out a prayer that he passes soon. I want to remember my Dad as he was these past 25 years...a larger-than-life, kill-em-n-eat-em, nosewalking, trashtalking MAN.

I taught a class this morning, which I was very grateful for. It was nice to get out of the house for a bit, get out of my head -- to sweat it out and shout it out and yoga it out until I found some peace. I had to give a massage after the class to one of my favorite clients, Lou. Lou is married to my darling Penny, and both of them have been a blessing and a source of love in my life. Lou is an avid fisherman, particularly fresh water fishing, and more specifically - salmon fishing. We always chat for a bit about being in the water and being in nature before (and after) the massage. Today he brought me a present: a rock. Years back while fishing in upstate New York, Lou kept seeing a glimmer in the water admist all of the dull rocks. Eventually he scooped it up and it was a beautiful rock (granite? crystal?). He has held on to it for years and it has brought him "good things". Today he passed the rock on to me and said that he hoped the stone brought me the same good fortunes it had to him. I'm not your average girl - I don't like diamonds, I could care less about jewelry and fancy things -- and this rock, well - it was the perfect gift. And this damn rock had me crying the whole way home as I clutched it in my palm. Thank you Lou for sharing something with me that you've held so close. Thanks to EVERYONE for sharing with us: your love, your positive thoughts, your FOOD (and a special thanks to Rochelle for the delicious NUTRITIOUS goodies and to Katie Trainor for the epic homemade organic granola), and everything that we have been showered with. Say a prayer tonight for my mom, and one for my Dad that this be a smooth and peaceful transition into his final voyage....

"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."
 -- A.A. Milne, Winnie-The Pooh

1 comment:

  1. My heart is reaching out to you, your mom, and your dad.