And so the time has come...

We came up to the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania today to get an MRI and to meet with our doctor, Dr.Arati Desai. She didn't have very good news, but [unfortunately] we weren't expecting any. She told us that his tumor is growing, and that we now will be stopping chemotherapy as well (we stopped Avastin about two months back). His body and his brain have just had enough. So we talked about how to handle the ending of his [beautiful] life. At this point comfort is all that we are concerned with. The pain in his throat, jaw and face could very well be caused by a blood clot, but to operate at this point would be a waste, and we don't want to cause him any more discomfort. He has been admitted to the hospital to be hooked up to an IV of antibiotics and so we can meet with pain specialists as well as a doctor who will help us arrange for hospice care. We should be home in two days (I'll still be driving back and forth to teach yoga- it's the one thing that keeps me grounded and the sadness at bay), and when we get home hospice will be helping my mother, myself and my aunt nellie to care for him. Dr.Arati Desai and Dr.Kelly Guld have been very helpful in breaking down how the end will come, and how to handle it. Hospice is in line to help treat the *pain* (no longer the symptoms) and to ease your way, peacefully, into your passing.

We have all known the inevitable was approaching, but fuck does it hurt to say out loud. Thank you everyone for your love, support and prayers over these past two years- and keep em coming, it's not over til it's over...

"Fare you well, my honey, fare you well my only true one.
All the birds that were singing are flown, except you alone.

Going to leave this brokedown palace,
On my hand and knees, I will roll, roll, roll.
Make myself a bed in the waterside,
In my time, I will roll, roll roll.

In a bed, in a bed, by the waterside I will lay my head.
Listen to the river sing sweet songs, to rock my soul.

River going to take me, sing sweet and sleepy,
Sing me sweet and sleepy all the way back home.
Its a far gone lullaby, sung many years ago.
Mama, mama many worlds Ive come since I first left home.

Goin home, goin home, by the riverside I will rest my bones,
Listen to the river sing sweet songs, to rock my soul.

Going to plant a weeping willow,
On the banks green edge it will grow, grow, grow.
Sing a lullaby beside the water,
Lovers come and go, the river roll, roll, roll.

Fare you well, fare you well, I love you more than words can tell,
Listen to the river sing sweet songs, to rock my soul." --Jerry Garcia