Well, what a challenging day. Literally, on all planes...physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally.....there were tears, lots of em. I woke up exhausted. My challenge in this lifetime is learning how to say NO, but as of lately I have not been succeeding with this. My body was tired...every limb. My heart was feeling depleted and I was just foggy. Then, I had to have a small procedure in the morning which left me in way more pain than I had anticipated. I drove away from the doctors nearly doubled over in pain. En route to meet my lovely accountant, I ran into an old flame - which rocked me (more than I had anticipated). For me, there was still a lot of love there despite the messiness of it all. It brought up all of my relationship fears
- not being lovable
- not being beautiful
- not being worthy of love, and
- rejection
Bleh. Add onto that I felt like my uterus was falling out, and I spilled the (delicious)(extremely hot) coffee on myself when I got back into my car. Get it together Cailin. Okay, then with my accountant - whom is my dear friend Pam Tracey, thank GOD for that. We spent three hours together, and the information was a bit more confusing, involved, and complicated than I had
anticipated (are you noticing the trend here...). She might as well have been speaking fucking Chinese. It brought up a lot of fears for me....
- I am not strong enough to carry my own company
- I am too disorganized
- I'm not smart enough
- I have bitten off way more than I can chew
- I'm going to end up in the poor house
I got into my car and cried the whole way to my Aunt Megans house. I cried into the delicious eggplant parm that she'd made for me, and then I got my shit together and cried a few tears on my way to teach my evening YIN workshop. Go figure, we were working along the Kidney + Urinary Bladder Meridian, which is associated with FEAR, and it's counterpart....WISDOM. When you shift into your wisdom, your perspective shifts and you are able to move out of fear. I love teaching....because it teaches me. Thank you to the Universe for guiding this lesson plan into my path, and for providing me with all of the books, teachers, quotes, poems and bits of inspiration that were able to add to, inspire and invoke my inner WISDOM.
"If you knew of a spectacular mountain that was very,
very tall, yet climbable. And if it was well established
that from its peak, you could literally see all the love that
bathes the world, dance with the angels, and party with the gods.
Would you curse or celebrate each step you took
as you ascended it?
Right-o!
life is that mountain and each day a step.
Perspectives change everything,
Love, The Universe
PS: Fear not. Last time I checked, you were so close to the top
they were taking your toga measurements."
(Mike Dooley....Notes from the Universe)
