Cirque du Amazingness.

Brooke and Me taking in the "sights" in AC haha!

My favorite people.

Brooke took a picture of the back of my dress so I could see how sexy my cotton Lululemon dress was.

Beautiful girls.

My favorite people, on "vacation" in Atlantic City, Cirque du Soleil, Buddakan, cocktails, sexy dresses. Boom.

Ladies Night Out!

Me and My Yoginis: picking oracle cards!!! Yeeewwww!

Penny, Betsy, Nicole, Me and Brookey : finding the balance. YinYang. YogaCocktails.

Worlds best bartender, our wonderful Nathan Paisley @ Steve and Cookies. Avoiding a photo...

A small Yin class followed by a night out at my beloved Steve and Cookies. Delicious food, wonderful women, and the worlds best bartender (Nathan Paisley...who refused to get his picture taken!).

 Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don't drink too much.  Then again, don't drink too little.  ~Herman "Jackrabbit" Smith-Johannsen

Muffins, Mila, MaryEllen and Meltdowns.

Me and my Mila (the only person that I trust to make me a coffee).

Latte, Morning Glory Muffin.

I don't really like muffins, but Who's on 1st's Glorious Morning muffin is outstanding. 

I don't care how shitty or sad your day may be, there is a remedy that will brighten your day- guaranteed.

 Who's on 1st Cafe + Mila + Mila's perfectly constructed latte = A beautiful day. 

My alarm went off at 6am...with the intention to surf. But I just couldn't get out of bed. It wasn't being tired as much as it was just being fucking overwhelmingly exhausted, in every way, shape and form. I slept until my second alarm at 7:45am. I laid in bed for 20minutes, wishing that I could sleep for a month and wake up refreshed, happy. Alas, I had to teach yoga so I figured I could jet over to 1st to see Mila and maybe a hug and a latte from her would fill me up with what I needed. It worked, of course, and gave me the fuel that I needed to lead a class.

Well, I guess that as soon as class was over my energy faded a bit, and my Yoga Momma - MaryEllen wasn't fooled. Backstory: MaryEllen has been coming to my classes at the Zen Den since day one. I have about 10 hard-core-kickass-love-them-to-death-yoginis that rarely, if ever, miss a class. MaryEllen is one of these special few, and in my mind I have referred to her as my YogaMomma. She's near in age to my mother, and is very nurturing. Her husband is one of the super-brains at HUP and throughout the summer she has offered up anything that we could need - whether its just an "in" in the hospital, medical advice or just an honest opinion. Today, she offered up what I needed most - a hug (and let me tell you, she is a professional hugger. Like her body was made to give hugs. All-encompassing, warm, loving hugs). She just said that I looked a bit stressed and sad and figured I could use a hug. Poor MaryEllen, I had a meltdown in her arms and she just kept giving me that freaking amazing hug that she gives. Mair: I know you read this, thank you. I love you.

Home now. Hanging with Mom, Dad and Nelly. Trying not to 'possess' and control the moment, but to ENJOY it (this was the theme of todays class). Just ate a homemade falafel wrap (recipe coming soon) that was fucking kick ass and feeling better. Thank you to everyone who lifts me up !!

*********************

Possess (v) : to have and hold as property; to enter into and control firmly

We want to possess: feelings, thoughts, relationships (family, friends, lovers).

Osho "The Book: An Introduction to the Teachings of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh Series II I to Q"
"Don't possess, don't become owners of the persons or things; just use them as gifts of the universe. And when they are available, use them; when they are not available, enjoy the freedom. When you have something, enjoy it; when you don't have something, enjoy not having it - that too has it's own beauty. 

If you have a palace to live in, enjoy it! If you don't have one, they enjoy a hut and the hut becomes a palace. It is the enjoyment that makes the difference. Then live under a tree and enjoy it. Don't miss the tree and the flowers and the freedom and the birds and the air and the sun. And when you are in a palace don't miss it - enjoy the marble and the chandeliers...

Go on enjoying wherever you are, and don't possess anything. Nothing belongs to us. We come empty-handed into the world and we go empty-handed. The world is a gift, so enjoy it while it is there. And remember, the universe always gives you that which you need."

David Gray Day.

Today has been a David Gray kinda day. I'm not sure why he has never gotten the proper exposure and appreciation that he deserves -- he is an amazing musician, singer, and songwriter. Check him out if you haven't already:

"This years love had better last

Heaven knows it's high time

And I've been waiting on my own too long

But when you hold me like you do  It feels so right

I start to forget How my heart gets torn

When that hurt gets thrown

Feeling like you can't go on

This years love had better last

This years love had better last

If you love me got to know for sure

Cos it takes something more this time

Than sweet sweet lines

Before I open up my arms and fall

Losing all control

Every dream inside my soul"

GAH: gives me chills. 

Santoris Savings.

When I'm happy...I cook.
When I'm sad...I cook.
When I'm anxious...I cook.
When I'm complacent...I cook.

You get where I'm going with this right...? I'm also on a budget, which is why Santori's produce in somers point is my most favorite place to shop. Today I got two ginormous boxes of produce for $63.25. Apples, oranges, beets, kale, carrots, squash, peppers, sprouts, broccoli, leeks, cauliflower, ginger, cabbage, cucumbers and oh-so-much-more for $63.25!!!!!! The produce boxes took up almost my whole trunk. Now that it's fall and I'm slowing down, prepare yourself for some awesome new recipes...I'm ready to juice and cook and create!!

March to the beat of your own drum, with no concern of what other people think or say. You wont regret a single moment of living your *authentic* life.

Moms latest Email Update

What insanity we have been through around here. Poor Paul has been in such pain (arms mostly- also legs) ,that for the first time since this saga began he was depressed. He was also losing faith in me, because too many times he heard me say , "Hang in there Paul, I am working on it." And I WAS working on it, but to no avail.
Anyway I made an appointment with a local Pain Doctor, but we won't get to see him until Sept 7th, possibly sooner, as I am at the top of the list for a cancellation.Since that was the earliest date, I figured I better push a little harder on HUP to give me something until we could get to that appointment. The morphine just wasting cutting it , plus I was pretty sure it was the reason he was so "out of it." Communication was awful , his mobility was questionable, and he was getting more and more depressed.
I pressured them with tears into sending me a script for something new. I also wrote an email to Dr. Desai telling her how "abandoned and disappointed I was the past few months. I was nice, but I was honest.They overnight-ed the script to me ,but when I rushed down to the pharmacy( in between dogs , while Paul was asleep, praying he wouldn't wake up) they informed me I would have to wait until Tuesday to get it. I left CVS, script in hand ,and went to the Acme. Thank God, one of my customers works there, and her and I have become friends over the years. She told me the soonest they could get it was Monday. She could see I was getting ready to crack, so she started calling EVERYWHERE for me .NO ONE had this liquid dilautin (spelling?) in stock. I have since learned a lot of things. Because people are so crazy about getting high, drugstores these days do not keep narcotics in stock.They are too likely to be robbed. If you go to a hospital ,then before you leave you need to get your script filled there.But, Hospitals can only sell Inpatient. For the most part, any narcotic you need will take days to get the first time, and after that they should be able to order it and have it ready for you the next time. But since they keep changing his meds, we were screwed. I left there sobbing, knowing that I would have to tell Paul I had failed him again.It was only Thursday and Monday was just too far away.
The next day his Uncle Paul came down, and his cousin Jimmy showed up for lunch. I had Nellie here to help , so I decided I needed to get some work done. They would let me know if Paul needed me. There are lots of things that Paul will not accept help for from anyone but me. Anyway, during that lunch I could see the discomfort on his face, and he mentioned pain a few times. Once he said to Nellie, "don't tell Doreen, she has enough on her plate." That was it.As soon as everyone left I was on the phone again.I tried our local General Practitioner , but no luck there.I called the pharmacy at HUP and started my story, and ended up crying, and Thank the Lord, I managed to get the nicest woman in the world who calmed me down and said, "This is what we are going to do..." She took the bull by the horns, and even though I told her I had called Karen and left a message, she said she would have her paged. They must need to answer those pagers IMMEDIATELY, because within a minute the Angel from the pharmacy said , "no problem, everything is ordered and we also got you the Fentanly patch." Now all we had to do was get there by 5:30. CAILIN TO THE RESCUE!!!! Cailin had been teaching yoga and giving massages all day and was looking forward to coming home and enjoying one of her only nights off. When I called her she was in Margate. It was 3:30 on Friday afternoon. She never hesitated, just said, "I am on my way." I prayed that she would make it there, drop the car in valet , and find the pharmacy before 5:30.
Here's an inside story about Cailin's rescue.Seeing as how she teaches yoga in some very colorful skin tight yoga pants, she changed into some shorts ( they were rather Daisy Duke-ish , meaning SHORT SHORT SHORT.) She is always barefoot, so when she got the call to go to HUP, she realized half way there that the only shoes in the car were her friends 5 inch heels that she had left there previously.So my brave little girl tottered in on her 5 inch heels looking a tad bit like a street walker , and even though she was getting stares from everyone she passed , she managed to pick up 3 different types of narcotics.
Well at 5:10, the Angel from the Pharmacy called me to let me know that Cailin had made it and was on her way home. Once again proving that there are so many good people in the world.
When she arrived home I woke Paul and I told him we needed to shower, which always is met by a less than enthusiastic response. Its just so tiring for him even with my help. This time though I explained to him that we needed to do it because he was going to get a Patch like Nellie's. That was all I had to say. He was ready to shower. I let Nellie put the Patch on him since she is the professional, and even though it wouldn't kick in for at least 12 hours I think the psychological boost was a big help.He has envied her that Patch for months and looked at it longingly and lustfully all the time. Hours after it was on, he would reach for it to make sure it was really there, and Nellie put his hand on it and he would smile.
That night he was already doing a tad bit better. Pain is so debilitating to both the mind and the spirit. And in this day and age it is so unnecessary. By Saturday we could see a marked improvement. The Patch is a real low dose which I am hoping they increase so he won't have to take the in between meds , but at least its a start, and it keeps the relief in his system for 72 hours.
With feeling better and being off that morphine Paul started "coming back". He was talking better, making jokes , and even though he said his arms still hurt, the improvement in the range of motion was incredible.
The King's made us an entire chicken dinner and came over and ate with us last night, and Paul was right there with us the whole time. He still has his moments , but we just all move right through them. He's not great , but he's better , and for now , better is okay.
Now I will go back in time at least a week to go over some of the thank yous and highlights.
Gary and Linda come down weekly to see Paul. Last week they arrived, as did Billy, and our dear friend Leslie , who is always known as Grape -picking/Survivor Leslie. While they were visiting, someone pulled into the driveway and I thought it was some nut doing a drive-by to have his dogs nails cut or something. I go out to see what the guy wants and Lo and behold , it is John Finnegan. He and Paul used to live together in the "Crystal Palace" a very looooong time ago.These guys had quite a colorful, exciting , funny history, and John really brightened Paul's day when he walked in.He was afraid he had walked in on a party or something, and I explained, "no, its always like this around here." They had an excellent visit and now John has joined Team Callahan and has been added to the update list.
Jay Hallus stopped by to visit with Paul this week and bought him over some Flounder. It was also a great visit and the fish was wonderful.
Of course our "regulars" keep us happy, positive, full, and entertained. Thanks this week to Deb, Mindy, Ruthann, Jude, Megan, Susan , Irene, etc who are forever supportive in so many ways.More ways then I can express right hereNellie and I are gaining weight due to all your efforts. The magic fridge is catching up on us. Trying to keep up with Paul's eating schedule is tough.Its kind of like being on a cruise ship. It is an endless feast.
I think that about catches you up on our lives at Camp Callahan for now. Take care, love, Doreen

Friends.

They say that "You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."  Make them count.

Shake It Out.

Challenging days are going to be had...but shake it out. 

In yoga yesterday Florence and the Machines "Shake it Out" came on, and it was speaking directly to me. 'It's always darkest before the dawn, shake it out shake it out - shake it out shake it out.' 

And some days to shake it out all you need is to shake yourself up a fabulous cocktail. Boom. 

Bestie.

I woke up this morning really missing my best friend. Can't wait til the Twilight premiere so I can fly out to the northwest and see her. Jules: I love you ❤

I love my friends neither with my heart nor with my mind. Heart might stop,Mind can forget. So instead I love them with my soul. Soul never stops or forgets.♥

-  Mevlana Celaleddin Rumi  (September 30, 1207 – 1273)

Allow a Let-Go.

I have been waking up with the most horrendous stomach aches for the past week. I tried eliminating things from my diet, and adding things, and wasn't quite sure what it was. Then I finally figured out that it wasn't so much a physical thing as it was an emotional. I've been holding onto a lot lately - and it was time for a let go. I've been holding onto how I think things Should be, what I want the path To be. As always - the universe offers up what you need when you need it, and moments after my revelation I stumbled across an amazing quote:

"In the end, the treasure of life is missed by those who hold on, and gained by those who let go." -- Tao Te Ching #75

Osho always knows just what to say, so I looked up "Let Go" in his book: "The Book: An Introduction to the Teachings of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh: Series II I to Q".

"Allow yourself a let-go. Flow naturally and let that be your way. Walk, and by walking, make your way. Don't follow superhighways. They are dead, and you are not going to find anything on them. Everything has already been removed. If you follow a superway, you are moving away from nature. Nature knows no ways, no fixed patterns. It flows in a thousand and one patterns, but all spontaneous. Go and watch...sit on the beach and watch the sea. Millions of waves arising , but each wave unique and different. You cannot find two waves similar. They don't follow any pattern.

No man worth the name will follow any pattern.

People come to me and they say, "Show us the way." I tell them, "Don't ask that". I can only tell you how to walk; I cannot show you the way. Please try to see the distinction: I can only tell you how to walk - and how to walk courageously. I cannot show you the way, because the way is for cowards. Those who don't know how to walk, paralyzed, for them the way exists. For those who know how to walk, they go into the wilderness, and just by walking they create their way."

"In life, you will realize that there is a role in life for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you, some will love you, and some will teach you. But the ones that are important are the ones who bring out the best in you. They're the rare and amazing people who remind you why it's worth it. "

aunt nelly.

Twi-Hard

My best friend Julia and I are die hard Twilight fans (aka Twi-Hards). Our friends Jer and Janice sent this picture the other day and said that they would sell it to the highest bidder. Best million dollars I've ever spent...! Doesn't Jer look super stoked in that pimping hoodie by the way...

Beach Yoga.

 

Forget not that the earth delights to feel your bare feet and the winds long to play with your hair.
--Kahlil Gibran

There's only two beach yoga classes left!! My Lymes has been flaring up and weekday classes have been slow, so I'm cancelling the next two weeks Tuesday and Thursday classes - which means that SUNDAY August 26th and SUNDAY September 2nd are the last two beach yoga classes of the season!

Bubbles, Family, Food.

Mom and Me in the hot tub, sipping expensive champagne after Dad laid down for his nap.

Fresh Margaritas: using my juicer I juiced one grapefruit, one lemon, one orange, a half dozen limes, 2 cucumbers and a ton of watermelon. I had to add a touch of agave nectar to counter the bite of the citrus, and then constructed us 'margaritas' with salt rimmed glasses, triple sec and lots of tequilaaaaaa.

My favorite cousin Tierney and her boyfriend David, my Aunt Nell and Me. 

Music.

 

"A musician, if he is a messenger, is like a child who hasn't been handled too many times by man, hasn't had too many fingerprints across his brain. That is why music is so much heavier than anthing you've ever felt." -- Jimi Hendrix, Life magazine, 1969

Mark Whitwell, my guru, says that "the great exploration of popular music has arisen from our need to feed something authentic in life....As in yoga, art is the perfect merging of the performer with the performance. It allows the life energy to flow....Do you experience life for yourself, feel things directly for yourself and feel this living, breathing, heart-pumping organism you are? What is living you, breathing you and pulsing your heart? How can we have firsthand experience and expression of our own life, every one of us? By understanding that we are authentic as life itself along with the Sun and Moon and trees and everything else. We allow our yoga and art to arise from that as the natural flow of life. The artistic struggle to make an authentic gesture arises from the deep social denial of the authenticity of our own life. But your life is extraordinary intelligent and powerful. it is already in place. You can move easily from here as your own unique form. The Sun will rise!" -- Mark Whitwell "Yoga of Heart" 

What is LIVING you?

Hugs.

Last night I was told that if hugging were an Olympic event, then I would win the Gold Medal. Yeeew, love it. Best.Compliment.Ever. 

"Virginia Satir, a leading family therapist, suggests that we need to get 4 hugs a day for survival, 8 hugs a day for maintenance, and 12 hugs a day for growth.

Research shows that hugs will make you healthier, younger, thinner, more relaxed, live longer, fight depression and make you age slower."

Dead Dog Saloon! My favorite bar in south jersey!! I was super grateful for a wonderful evening at the dog. My first set was solo, the second set was with Christian, and the third set was christian and his dad. Amazing. A ton of amazing friends came out in support. Yeeeeww happy August! Only two weeks left of summer....

Meg McD <3 br="br">

Childhood besties: Denise Hoffman

Sunset Pier girlies

Mr.Maher and Christian Maher

Christian, Nolan and Jim Maher.

Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday to my wonderful Dad, who turned 56 yesterday. It was one hell of a party!!