CPT-11

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Lots of stuff going on over here and trying to wrap my head around it. No easy task. When I'm not in a form of denial, I'm in a constant state of wondering...Why?

Well, because, that's life.

I was going through a rough time a few years ago and my dad said this to me:

"Cailin, LIFE is like a RIVER. It is going to bend left and turn right, it's going to rage with water...and at times its going to all about run dry. You have no control. You are just along for the ride. All you can control is how you handle yourself. And it's times like these that determine the kind of person that you are."

So there you have it. A little bit of wisdom from Paul Callahan. He's full of it. And it's true - I shouldn't ask WHY ME, WHY US, WHY HIM...this is what life is handing us. So we can sit and cry and feel sorry for ourselves - which would accomplish nothing - or we can live in love and positivity and soak up every single moment.

Not so sure how to go about updating you all, and my mom writes the best emails, so here is the latest:

So a new chapter begins at Camp Callahan...
We are going to call this new adventure CPT-11.
First, a shout out to Deb Gibson who dropped off sausage/cheddar/potato quiche for us the other day . She made Paul's without the meat. We all had one for breakfast. That's how we started to our day. And thank God we did, because as it turned out the next meal wasn't going to be until dinner.
As you all know, Paul got his last MRI on 8/19. He and I picked up the MRI and the report the other day. We weren't thrilled with the report , but we decided right then and there, that nothing was going to change. We would just keep on, keeping on, and sticking to our plan of love and life.
Today Cailin , Paul and I went to Voorhees to meet with Dr. Lerman. Cailin had some errands to run, so we told her to meet us when she was done. Well, as we expected, the news was not what we had hoped for. The tumor has grown a bit, so we have changed our approach to keeping it manageable. Paul will no longer be taking his oral Temador Chemo. He has been changed to a liquid infusion chemotherapy drug named Irinotecan (eye-rye-no-tee-can) also known as Campdazor, or most commonly called CPT-11. That's what the chemo nurses call it, and that is how I will refer to it from now on. He will get this as an infusion every two weeks. It will be at the same time he is getting the Avastin. Instead of us being in and out of there in an hour, we will now be there for about 3 1/2 to 4 hours. I will be looking up this medication later tonight. They did give us a hand out on it. Its most common side effect is diarrhea, and they sent us home with an Imodium-AD schedule (which is a lot more aggressive than what the box says.) That will actually start tomorrow and hopefully we'll get a handle on it , and then it hits again after about 10 days for some reason. Paul hates when I talk about him pooping, but hey, inquiring minds want to know!!!!
We were also sent home with two Scripts. One for Decadron ( the steroid he used to take). We won't be taking that yet, but we want to have it here in case we decide it's time to start. It will help with inflammation. Thus relieving headaches if they were to get intolerable, plus any numbness etc that might be caused by inflammation.A funny thing happened today, When they gave Paul his infusion they added an anti nausea medicine, and a steroid in with the whole mix. After he was finished, his arm and neck which had been sore (not tumor related--just hurting from him over doing things) felt 100 percent better . Steroids do fix everything it seems.
They also sent us with a script for Keppra. It is an anti seizure medication. Paul has never had a seizure, but they give it as a precaution. On the chance that he might have a seizure and fall and hurt himself , since with the Avastin a simple bruise or cut could not heal. We are holding onto that for a bit too.
The third script was for Tarceva. We aren't sure if the insurance will ok it for him , and the Doc isn't ready to start that yet anyway. He'll wait to see after the next MRI if we need it or not. This way, if we are going to use it eventually, we'll know that we might have to do battle with insurance way ahead of time. Its always good to have a head start on the pharmacy and insurance companies.I haven't looked anything up on that yet, but rest assured I will be camping out here on the computer for a few evenings.
Once again, he felt no ill effects while getting his infusion and we went to The Bonefish Grill afterwards and had a great meal. We were laughing so hard when we came out of the restaurant that I almost wet myself. Trust me , if love and laughter were all you needed, he would be healed.
Sorry this isn't the email you were hoping for. Trust me, its not the one i was hoping to write, but its the hand we've been dealt ,and its the hand we will play with Love, Laughter, and full of all the life we can muster.
On a side note, sorry if this offends any vegans or non-hunters , but "If its brown its down, if it flies it dies, and if its a 27 1/2 inch Striper it might be rolled out with a rolling pin. " KILL 'EM and EAT 'EM has always been our motto.Feel free to come by and dine with us. There will always be something FRESH on the table. Hunting and fishing is Paul's life, and that's not about to stop now. It makes him happy and that is the goal. Keeping Paul happy and well fed with Great healthy food is what its all about. The doc is amazed by how great Paul is doing despite his tumor. I'm not surprised! That's what good living, good loving, good cooking,positive attitude, and having 123 people on your update list and countless others praying and sending you love every day will do for you. We need you now more than ever, so keep on the team with us.Its so good to know that we are not alone. love to all, Doreen, Paul and Cailin

So here we are, living in love.
Dad's 54th birthday...August 11th. Dinner @ Bracas.

Blinders...Off.

All day long I walk around with blinders on. We walk around with blinders on. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's certainly not a good thing and it's a habit that I'm now trying to break. I have blinders on in life, in my relationships, with my body, with my family, with my yoga practice - you name it. Blinders a lot of time for me is making excuses. I see only the good and just pretend that I can't see the bad, I'm blind to it. Afterall, isn't it such a happier existence to just acknowledge and dwell in the positive? YES. At first. But then you wake up one morning with a tweaked back and wonder why. I have found that having these blinders on is a survival mechanism. "He's not really a bad guy, he's a good guy. He loves me". "It's just a small tumor, they have it under control. This isn't too serious". "I'm just going to do Warriors in my yoga practice, not so good at Fire Log so I just won't do it". "I am not gaining any weight, I'm doing just fine". Hello, newsflash - all of this may seem to be behind the blinders, but it just builds and builds and builds. This results in some serious shit: emotional breakdowns, physical illness in the form of colds, fatigue and strained lowerbacks, and overall a mental mindfuck that is not a happy place to exist.

Yesterday morning I woke up and made a promise to myself: Blinders...OFF. No more seeing just what I want to see. No more making excuses. From now on I'm going to see everything for ALL that it is, all the details...the big picture. This awareness will help to bring some balance to my life, and hopefully result in a better physical and mental me. It's not easy to see the things and acknowledge the things that aren't so pleasant, but hey - it's reality.

So people - Blinders Off. Not now, right now.

Dharamsala, Himachal Pradesh, India.

Here's a bit of what WIKIPEDIA says about Dharmsala....

Dharamshala is a city in the upper reaches of the Kangra Valley and is surrounded by dense coniferous forest consisting mainly of stately Deodars. The suburbs of the town includes -- McLeod Ganj, Bhagsu Nath, Forsyth Ganj, Naddi, Kotwali Bazaar (the main market of the town), Kaccheri area (government offices such as the court, police, post etc.), Sidhpur and Sidhbari (where the Karmapa Lama is based

The village of McLeod Ganj lying in the upper reaches is known worldwide for the presence of the Dalai Lama, where he has resided since fleeing Tibet in 1959. Dharamshala houses the headquarters of the Tibetan Government-in-exile about two kilometres below the town of McLeod Ganj, led by the Prime Minister, Samdhong Rinpoche.

Dharamshala is the centre of the Tibetan exile world in India. Following the 1959 Tibetan uprising there was an influx of Tibetan refugees who followed the Dalai Lama. His presence and the Tibetan population has made Dharamshala a popular destination for Indian and foreign tourists, including students studying Tibet.

Meaning and Origin

In common Hindi usage, the word dharamshala refers to a shelter or rest house for spiritual pilgrims. Traditionally, such dharamshalas (pilgrims' rest houses) were commonly constructed near pilgrimage destinations (often located in remote areas) to give visitors a place to sleep for the night. When the first permanent settlement was created in the place now called Dharamshala, there was already one such pilgrims' rest house existing on the site, and the settlement took its name from that dharamshala.^[2]

Geography

View of Dharamshala valley.

Dharamshala has an average elevation of 1457 metres (4780 feet). The area covered by Dharamshala is almost 29 km².

Dharamshala is located in the Kangra Valley, in the Dhauladhar mountains, and became the capital of the Kangra District in 1852. It is accessible from Pathankot which is 120 km away. The nearest railway connection to Dharamshala is Kangra. The nearest airport is Gaggal at Kangra, which is just 15 km away. There is a daily flight from Dharamshala to Delhi.

The town is divided between McLeodGanj or Upper Dharamshala (which retains a British colonial atmosphere), and Lower Dharamshala (the commercial centre). Upper Dharamshala (elevation about 1,700 m or 5,580 ft) is about 9 kilometers (5.6 miles) from Lower Dharamshala by road and is some 460 m (1,510 ft) higher.

Dhauladhar means "white ridge" and this breathtaking, snow-capped range rises out of the Kangra Valley to a height of 17,000 feet. They form a treacherous range creating unpredictable weather, but passes of 8,900 feet provide route for the herdsmen of the Ravi Valley beyond. The Kangra Valley is a wide, fertile plain, criss-crossed by low hills.

Dharamsala is divided into two very different parts. Kotwali Bazaar and areas further down the valley are called Lower Dharamsala, while McLeod Ganj and surrounding areas are known as Upper Dharamsala. McLeodganj is nine km by bus route and four km by taxi route up the hill from Kotwali Bazaar. While inhabitants of Lower Dharamsala are almost all Indians, McLeod Ganj is primarily a Tibetan area. McLeod Ganj is surrounded by pine, Himalayan oak, and rhododendron. The main crops grown by local Indians in the valleys below McLeod Ganj are rice, wheat and tea.

Climate

Dharamshala has a monsoon-influenced Alpine climate. Summer starts in early April and peaks in early June, when temperatures can reach 35^oC. From July to September, in the monsoon season, up to 2000 mm (79 inches) of rain can fall, making Dharamshala one of the wettest places in the state. The monsoon ends in late September and is followed by autumn.

Autumn lasts till late November, with temperatures averaging around 14-15^oC. Winter starts in December and goes on till late February. Snow and sleet is common during the winter. Winter is followed by a short, pleasant spring till April.

The best time to visit are the autumn and spring months.

Here is a little about my instructor, Yogi Sivadas, as well as his yoga school "Kailash School of Yoga and Holistic Healing":

YOGI SIVADAS - E-RYT 500 & E-RYT 200 YOGA TRAINER

Yogi Sivadas,

Born in Kerala, Sugathakumar N Nair (Yogi Sivadas) started learning yoga at the age of four from his great- uncle, Guruji Sivaraman Nair, using the ancient practice of Gurukula Sampradaya which is a part of India’s traditional Vedic system of education. Sivadas then dedicated his life to being a practitioner of Yoga and Holistic healing. He was certified by the Government of India Yoga Vidhya Dham in Advanced Yoga Studies and Yoga Therapy (www.yogapoint.com) also with International Sivananda Yoga Teacher Training, Advanced Yoga Teacher Training, and Sadhana Intensive courses (www.sivananda.org). Yogi Sivadas is an Experienced Registered Yoga Teacher - 500 (E- RYT - 500) with Yoga Alliance (www.yogaalliance.org).

At the age of 16 Sivadas left home to begin his quest for deeper knowledge, traveling throughout India and the neighboring countries. Settling in the powerful Himalayas, he combined this education with the teachings of his guru and his passion for Vedic and Holistic practices to open a yoga and healing school. Sivadas is running a popular yoga school for the past eight years.

Some of This, Some of That.

So much to report! SO this past Thursday Sven + I played at Coffee.Comedy in Sea Isle City. I can confidently say that it was hands down the best show that we have ever had. There weren't that many people there, but hey - quality over quantity. Sven was SO SPOT ON, really listening to the music and just taking it to a whole other level. The set list was 100% originals...many of them songs that I'd written years ago and forgotten about. It was amazing. Another detail that I attribute towards the shows success (or shall I say SVENS success) was that there were 3 gorgeous girls in the crowd. From now on - every show - I'm stocking the audience full of hot chicks so that Sven has someone to show off for. He's so predictable....and so talented and so lovely. Been having a pretty uneventful time at the restaurant - just kind of going through the motions. Everyone there is so miserable and I'm just trying to not let it get me down. Still a bit bent on the whole falling-out with Shawn, but every day I'm without him I feel better and better about it - stronger and more assured that this is the way it should be. I'd taken a break from catering for a week - I was physically, emotionally and mentally broken down. I'm back now - making a Summer Peach Pie for Jim + Eileen as well as some amazing salad with Taylor Gold Pears, goat cheese, dried cherries, fresh mint and basil dressed with homemade balsamic vinagrette {Thanks JULISA for teaching me how to "emulsify" the vinegar!}. I had off ALL day on Saturday, as part of my punishment. Boss lady took me off of the schedule for every Saturday and Sunday for the rest of the year because I'd gotten someone to cover my shift for the SEA Paddle Around Manhattan Fundraiser. Anywho, as Gray would say, the Universe doesn't give you anything that you can't handle...it all happens for the reason. SO, instead of being bent about my day off - I packed a lunch and headed to the beach with my Mom + Dad for some Quality Time. It was lovely - not crowded, hot but with a nice breeze and some cloud cover. After the beach we all headed to my Aunt Megans for a family party - the first one that I've been able to attend in years because they always are on Saturdays! It was great to catch up with Aunts, Uncles + Cousins and of course to eat some of my Aunt Meg's delicious food. That night I hung out with my good friend KatieD and had a blast. My back has been super tweaked for a few days now, but it didn't stop us from laughing our asses off. I spent the night @ Katie's, which is conveniently located on the same street where I teach yoga! Woke up to my alarm, tried to stretch out my back, and then unfortunately FELL BACK ASLEEP. What a freakin' asshole! I woke up at 7:05am to a phone call from Jennifer Boyce saying "Um, Cailin...are you coming to teach yoga?" Shit Shit Shit Shit SHIT. I went dashing out of the house, this day being the worse day yet with my backpain. I think that my students could tell by the look in my eye so they had mercy on me and said that we would cancel class. We went back to Jim + Eileens for coffee and breakfast, and then I hung upside down on Jimmy's inversion table in attempt to relieve some of the pain I was experiencing. He sent me on my way with a muscle relaxer, a bag that he insisted I fill with ice and apply to my back, and he put a holistic icy-hot patch on my lower back. God bless ya Jimmy!! You're the best. Spent the rest of the day with KatieD, just relaxing around the house. We stopped @ 1st Street for a coffee, ran into the beautiful Brazilian Marcia and then the 3 of us dropped in on Martha + her hubby. By 5pm I was at the Stone Harbor Golf Club, played music until 8:30pm - got some sweet tips from the audience, ate some delicious food and now I'm home - icing up, getting ready for bed.

Today: I'm feeling super lucky to be alive - I'm just feeling it, from my fingers to my toes. Gratitude.

Winter Travels, Part I

To begin my winter of traveling my first stop will be...CALIFORNIA!

Flying out October 19th, and returning on October 25th, I'm headed to Ojai for an amazing yoga retreat. I'll be staying in Ventura with Bill Soens and his son (Scott Soens) and daughter-in-law (Allison). I'm so very excited to be attending this amazing conference, and feeling super blessed to have an opportunity to stay with this amazing family! Bill, Allison and I will be attending the 4 day conference, and when we aren't spending our time doing yoga we will be eating good food, enjoying good conversation and soaking up the positive vibrations.

The yoga gathering will take place at the Ojai Yoga Crib. For $550 I will be doing a full day immersion with Paul Crandell {Michelle's favorite yoga-crush!} and then spending 3 days studying under some really outstanding Yogi's. This years instructors are Jason Crandell, Jill Miller, JJ Gormley, Laura Tyree, Kira Rider, Patricia Sullivan, Erich Schiffman, Ravi Ravindra, Saul David Raye, Sean Johnson and Uma Goswami. Check it out: http://www.lulubandhas.com/yoga/crib

SEA Paddle Around Manhattan, Rd II

Sven and I were back for the SEA Paddle Around Manhattan. Last year we were lucky enough to be involved and we were stoked that Andrew wanted us again. After a 28 mile paddle around the island of manhattan the paddlers, their families, friends and fans hang out for a little "beach party". Relax, eat a bit and listen to us play. This year Sven actually PADDLED the 28 miles, coming in an impressive 7th place!! Holy shit!! We played some music and then headed up to the fundraiser-afterparty "The White Water Event". Dressed in white, we dined on good food and sipped booze from the open bar. Enjoyed some music, shot the shit with good people and laughed.

Sven, didn't have all white, wore a sheet - turning this high end fundraiser into a toga party....

Sven, post-paddle, super stoked on the 28 miles.

Sven, Me + Andrew - the founder and creator of this event!

Big thanks for Tom Forkin for introducing me to Andrew and making all this happen.

This is where I slept. Under the bridge, in Svens van, which doesn't lock, all by myself. Did I mention that I woke up to a bum peeing outside? Note to drunk Cailin: sleeping in a van, under a bridge, in nyc is probably not a good idea. FYI: Sven and Johnny were not present in the van. At 5am I received a text from Sven saying "Cailin, don't worry about me...I'm going to stay at a friends house, I'll see you in the morning". Great, thanks Sven.

Came home to my car having been towed in AC and a call from my boss telling me not to bother to come into work - goes to show you that no good deed goes unpunished - but this event was well worth it!!!!

What is the SEA?

Surfers’ Environmental Alliance (SEA) is a grassroots, project-based, tax-exempt 501 (c) (3) non-profit organization that works to preserve fragile coastal habitats, natural ocean waves, a clean ocean, non-restrictive beach access, as well as the cultural and environmental integrity of the sport of surfing.

SEA’s focus encouraged creation of the Paddle NYC event in 2007 to stress the importance of our marine environment in all our lives, and the difference each of us can make.

How It Works:

Every participant in the paddle and race is obligated to raise a minimum of $1,000 with a goal of $1,500. Paddlers who raise $2,500 by August 4th will have their entire entry fee refunded. Last year the paddle raised almost $250,000 dollars with proceeds being split between our choosen Autism organizations and Surfers’ Environmental Alliance.

THE BLACK KEYS.

LOVE LOVE LOVE the black keys. Just uploaded some photos to iPhoto and realized that I'm way behind on the blog and keeping you people informed. Here are some favorites...

Jack + Gingers before the show.

Elizabeth chowing on a sandwich that is bigger than her face @ Standard Tap.

The fearsome duo...the black keys.

so good.

Morning Yoga.

Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday mornings are my favorite time of the week. From 7am until about 8:15am. Alongside the water, sandy and sunshine - flowing through yoga with intention, surrounded by some pretty amazing human beings. Teaching this class is such a blessing. Here are some photos from this mornings class...

My students!!

The Lovely Karen Barlow.

Eileen and Martha were at class but had to duck out a few minutes early so that they would be on time for the Autism Awareness Walk/Run!

If you're in the area, every Tuesday Thursday and Sunday at 7am we meet on 41st street beach in Ocean City. It's a $10 contribution...we'd love for you to join :)

Namaste.

Happy Birthday Dad!

DAD! My #1 Man. Today he celebrated his 54th birthday - and thanks to some amazing doctors, amazing friends, endless prayers + positivity and my diligent mother he will be celebrating many more! Feliz Cumpleanos Dad! I love you...as big as the universe.

Riding the Rollercoaster.

The past 24 hours have been a rollercoaster ride of emotions. Before I went to bed my anxiety, emotions, and anger were probably at the highest point that they've ever been in the past few years. Moments before lying in bed, where I tossed and turned, I threw my cell phone at the floor with the force and intensity of 10,000 red hot burning suns. It was not the floors fault, or the phone, and this unproductive immature fit certainly didn't make me feel any better. Woke up a few hours later, overwhelmed with emotion. Surprisingly my phone still worked, and the floor was okay. I descended the stairs only to fall into my mom's arms and sob like a little girl. Those hysterical, dry-heaving sobs. I don't care how old you are, if you are sick or upset - you want your mother. Melted down, still overwhelmed with anger and sadness and just...fatigue. Emotional + physical fatigue. Run down. I decided last minute to go to Bill Soens's yoga class in Avalon - not sure if it was going to be a great idea or an awful idea. Well, it was amazing. Bill's class was invigorating physically and spiritually uplifting. I left feeling a bit better and I was able to shake some of the shit I'd woken up with. I physically felt lighter, I could actually breathe a full breath. I got home and my dad was awake from his nap and we were ready for his BIRTHDAY LUNCH. That's right - it's Dad's 53rd birthday!! I feel so lucky to spend this day with my dad, especially after the rough year that we've had. Spending time with my family, the day went from awful to better - and then when lunch was revealed {3 lobsters per person and corn on the cob...} the day went from better to great! My eyes were still swollen from crying and I wasn't too excited to head to work, but I showered up and headed in @ 2pm {Wednesday is my day to open at the restaurant}. I laughed with my girlfriends from work and was reminded that I am happy and fun and loved - don't let anyone ever tell you or make you feel any different. I left work having the BEST night that I'd ever had there financially, walking with $300! Holy shit. That's my flight to Costa. Now I'm at KatieD's, amazed that my day I'd chalked up to being doomed and depressing to now being an great day.

Shiny Happy People?

Last night my ex-boyfriend informed me that there is the "Blog Cailin"...the one that everyone thinks is charming and friendly and sweet and outgoing. And then there's Cailin, who is irritable and selfish and emotional. Well, as hurt as I was by his accusations - it's true, I am irritable, I'm selfish and I'm emotional. BUT, I'm not just those things - I AM also charming, and friendly and sweet and outgoing. No one is perfect, there is a Yin and a Yang to everything in life - including ourselves. Every day I try to bring some awareness to my life; awareness to my actions and particularly my REactions. It's difficult! Also, I've found that the more overworked I am, the less sleep I get, and the less time I have to work on "Me", the more reactive I am and the more I tend to take out my unhappiness on my support system around me. I try to reign in my irritability, my selfish tendencies and curb my emotional ways. And the "Blog Cailin" that most of you know - well, yes - I am genuine in the positive qualities I possess, and I also have some of the not-so-great qualities which we all have. Unfortunately the people who are closest to me are the ones who see these come out, but that's because it's a safe place - where I can be %110 myself, even if "myself" that day is not so powerful and amazing. SO: awareness. Bring some awareness to you...your actions and your REactions. Be aware of how you handle stressful situations, and how you handle others in reaction to these situations. We need to learn how to put a positive spin on seemingly negative things, but still honor the fact that yes - you are allowed to feel sad, or angry or irritated. It's only human to feel and to react, though we should make a conscious effort not to bombard those closest to us, our safety net, our family, our foundation - with our reactions. Apologies to my closest friends, my family, and my ex-boyfriend for having to endure the brunt of my frustrations and sadness - but thank you for creating a safe place where I can be myself, both the good AND the bad. Every day is a journey, a life lessson - and as I fumble through life I'm learning bits and pieces along the way. So please be patient, I'm still figuring out this crazy, emotional, amazing life.

Raider's of the Seven Seas

Raider's of the Seven Seas, released in 1953, starring John Payne and Donna Reed. Amazing. Feeling completely run down and felt that some good ol' fashioned R&R would be good, log some couch time and actually watch some TV!! As I was flipping through the channels I realized that though I haven't been watching TV, I haven't missed much of anything - that was until I got to channel 250. Classic movies. And lemme tell you, I'm hooked. I haven't been too impressed with any movies that have been coming out of HOllywood lately, but these classics are amazing. What can I say I'm a sucker for some old fashioned chivalry and romance. I look forward to watching more of them, especially ones with John Payne!

Yoga Love.

Dear Yoga,

I love you.

Love, Cailin

15 Hours in NYC.

All For FUN, And Fun For ALL!

Human Beings.

We're all just human beings. And being a human being, let me tell you, is not easy. I'm trying to be the best daughter, friend, employee, ex-girlfriend, yoga instructor and person that I can be - but there are challenges that I encounter every day. Recently I've been pretty hard on myself, trying to handle things differently than I would in the past. Stop reacting, stop the expectations, and start a whole new way of life. The "yoga" way of life, for lack of a better word. But after a few days of being hard on myself, I finally said "Fuck. You're just a human being!" Give yourself some credit, forgive yourself, take it easy on yourself, give yourself a break - afterall, we are all just human beings. Though some may be quite close, No one is perfect.

"Forgiveness entails the authentic acceptance of our own worthiness as human beings, the understanding that mistakes are opportunities for growth, awareness and the cultivation of compassion, and the realization that the extension of love to ourselves and others is the glue that holds the universe together. Forgiveness...is not a set of behaviors, but an attitude."Robin Casarjian

Ego...and this + that.

Wow. I am so very behind on blogging, and that really upsets me! Writing my blog is a form of meditation for me, one that really helps me stay balanced and happy. I have been so overwhelmingly busy, that the 5-8hours I have free {from about 11PMish til 5AMish} are solely reserved for sleeping- over atleast being horizontal {reading, napping, thinking}. Despite having a packed schedule, I still think like a blogger. Everything that I do, everything that I taste, all that I hear and experience - while it's happening I'm also simultaneously thinking "Now, how will I go about writing this into the blog...what adjectives will I use, which flavors will I compare it to -so on and so forth. So rest assured, my blog is never far from my mind - but sometimes the time it takes me to bring those thoughts to the keyboard is a bit longer than I anticipated.

Here are some things that I had HOPED to blog about this past week:

1. Finally used the JADE Yoga mat that Michelle gifted me, and god-almighty it's AMAZING. I truly will never be able to go back to a regular mat.

2. MASSAGE with ELIZABETH. LP's new lady just so happens to be a massage therapist, and not only that, but she is the BEST MASSAGE THERAPIST IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD. Truly. Jimmy Bourgeious agrees, as does every other person I've persuaded into getting massaged. She takes you to another universe. Amazing.

3. Sven + Me @ Coffee.Comedy...there wasn't really that many people there, the most empty show that we've ever played, but SVEN sounded AMAZING and every song was quality. Stoked on that.

4. Saw the BLACK KEYS play and fuck - they are fucking rock stars. I played hookie from work, scooped up JamD {bought her a ticket for her birthday}, met Massage Rockstar Elizabeth and friend @ Standard Tap where we proceed to get tipsy. Jam and I downed 3 Jack+Gingers, split a burger and an amazing salad. Cabbed it to the show, got lost in the crowd and lost in the music and got to blow off some steam after a long work week. So necessary. So much fun.

5. SO MANY DELICIOUS RECIPES that I would LOVE to share, but too busy to write them down or type them out. Hopefully I'll get some time this fall and write em for you.

6. Speaking of fall... LOVING this weather. We've been having cool mornings and cool evenings and I love love love love it. Fall is my favorite time in South Jersey. Also, PS: It's August 1st. HOly shit.

7. Quiche. Been eating it and making lots of it.

8. My catering business. It is TAKING OFF and people are loving it. Stoked.

9. KAREN BARLOW: Showering me with bags of fresh, local, organic, hand picked + harvested from a garden she shares with a small community. The most amazing purple string beans, cherry tomatoes, eggplants and so much more!

10. eGO. It's gotta go. I have not been honoring my body lately in yoga. The other day in Michelle's {amazing} yoga class I pushed it too far and I'm paying for it big time now. I live with lymes disease, which mainly affects me in the form of fatigue and sore joints. My wrists and knees and particularly the worst. So, arm balances - they aren't for me. ESPECIALLY in the summertime when I'm already beating the shit out of my joints by waitressing 6 nights a week. My eGO got the best of me though in her Tuesday class. Sure enough we were doing arm balances, some people in class knew that I was a teacher - so I felt the need to "show off" (not that I can even show off, because I can't do the pose!). Goddamnit Cailin. I usually can have an ego free practice and honor my body, but for some reason all that went out the window. Now as I sit here and type my wrists are covered in China Gel and have ice packs on them. They hurt. A lot. So guess what today's theme was in my yoga class? A practice without ego, a life without ego. Badabing.

A quote that is applying to some situations right now:
"Holding onto anger is like holding onto hot coals with the intention of throwing them at someone else - in the end, you are only burning your own hands" - the wise buddha.

there ya have it. nose walking, trash talking, food cooking, mad rambling, list-making, money-making fool.